Daddy Drama
by Happii Haden
Summary: Now a series! What? Sasori is a thirty-five year old divorcee and a dad of three mischievous little brats. Deidara is a nineteen year old brat out of the house and in college. What happens when the two stumble upon each other and begin dating? Daddy drama, obviously. AU SasoDei. Rating may or may not change. Essentially drabbles. Chaann do good art
1. Netflix and Chill?

WARNING: YAOI

Genre: Romance/Humor

Rated: T

Word Count: 3410

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

Deidara stood in front of his long mirror and admired himself. He struck a pose before graciously flipping his golden locks over his shoulder. He smirked and closed his eyes for a moment - he could just imagine the calloused hands of his lover running across his flawless, smooth skin. The blond opened his eyes and struck a different pose. He bent over, his ass taking most of the space in the mirror. Yep, these were definitely the panties to wear - white and light blue lacey and frilly with little bows. It hugged his ass cheeks just right and presented his package perfectly. Deidara straightened up and leaned on one hip, getting a good view of his front. This nineteen year old was so getting laid tonight. That was the plan anyways.

The blond posed one last time before jumping onto his bed to grab his phone. He slid his thumb across the touch screen at rapid speed and pulled up his messenger.

 _To:_ _ **Sassy Danna -hearts-**_

 _ey bby!~ almost ready 4 our d8 ;*_

He sat upright and started digging through the piles of clothing on his bed whilst still holding the phone. The boy had to find something sexy, yet casual for this type of date. He sighed - sexy, yet casual was a hard achievement for him. His style varied from super sexy to a piece of trash, and most of the time he looked like trash. A cute piece of trash, in his defense, but still trash. Enthusiastic vibrations tingled the palms of his hands.

 _From:_ _ **Sassy Danna -hearts-**_

 _I see you still haven't ceased your gross use of texting "lingo". Or you're doing it to annoy me again - which seems more likely. I'm curious though. Since when did we have a date planned? I can't exactly leave the house. It's still my week._

Deidara rolled his eyes at the ever proper texting from his boyfriend. He still smiled, however, and replied playfully and in better diction.

 _To:_ _ **Sassy Danna -hearts-**_

 _since i said so! and it'll be totes fine. i thought we could just netflix and chill c: i promise to stay quiet so everyone will stay asleep!_

The blond smirked and couldn't help but laugh lightly. He wasn't the quietest when it came to, well, anything. He was loud, proud, and a submissive babe. The last part was more of Sasori's fault though - the guy refused to bend over.

 _From:_ _ **Sassy Danna -hearts-**_

 _Capitalization from now on would be highly appreciated. These small screens are annoying. Which reminds me, I left my glasses at your place. Bring those over. I haven't been able to get any reading done as of late - your fault._

Deidara glanced over at his nightstand and spotted the eyewear immediately, He wondered why the pair of glasses had been left there - Sasori never forgot anything. It then hit him when he remembered a very rousing night of teacher/student roleplay. Good times. Sending a quick text back in reply, Deidara finally pulled himself from the bed and finally, _finally_ , put on some clothes.

* * *

Not too far from Deidara's apartment was a subdivision where Sasori's house stood. While from the outside it seemed peaceful and quiet, if one were to take a peek through the windows with x-ray vision they'd see the true horror inside. Two small children ran rampant around the living room, one being a little redheaded boy holding a cellphone and the other being an annoyed little blond girl.

"Daaaad!" the girl whined loudly. "Gaara stole my phone and won't give it baaaack!" She lunged forward in an attempt to tackle the younger boy, but missed when he ducked and crashed straight into the couch. " _Daaaaaad!_ "

The redheaded little boy, Gaara, snickered devilishly and stuck his tongue out at the female. Again, he jumped out of the way when a pair of grubby, yet nicely manicured, hands reached out to snatch the device. Just as he was about to run for it and make the girl run circles once more, he heard the sound of familiar footsteps - the ones that usually meant trouble and timeout. Thinking fast he hid the device behind his back.

"Daaad!-"

"I heard you the first time, Temari," Sasori sighed as he crossed into the livingroom. "I can't even use the bathroom in peace around here." He turned his gaze to the accused redhead. "Gaara, you know better than to take your sister's phone. Give it back."

Gaara smiled innocently and waved both hands in the air. "Dunno whatcha talkin bout!"

Temari crossed her arms and stood next to her valiant dad. "Yeah, right! Dad, make him give it back! He's hiding it!"

Sasori tapped his fingers impatiently against his folded arm. "Gaara."

The redhead glared up at his father.

A more menacing glare was returned.

"Fine," Gaara huffed. He reached behind his back and pulled the device from his pants. He handed it over to Temari, who was eagerly holding her hand out to safely retrieve the phone. A small smile crept upon his face.

As Temari fumbled with her phone, her face distorted into an expression of disgust. She held the phone away from her like it was the most vile thing on earth. Unlike before, it seemed she wanted to throw the phone away. "Ewww! He farted on my phone!"

At the sound of his sister's screeching, Gaara broke into a fit of laughter.

Sasori heaved a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He tried to block out the noise, but unfortunately for him it didn't work.

"Nice one, little man," an older male laughed.

"Please, don't encourage him, Kankuro."

The teenager chuckled and fist bumped the littlest boy. "C'mon, that was freaking hilarious."

"Yeah! Freakin hilarious!"

Sasori rolled his eyes, "Watch your mouth. Both of you." He turned to the upset preteen girl. "Spray some of your perfume on it."

Temari humphed and held her phone at arm's length. She held her nose with one hand and proceeded back up to her room. Upon opening her door, the sounds of Katy Perry blasted throughout the entirety of the house until the door slammed shut.

"Bed in thirty minutes!" the older redhead called out to his daughter. He listened carefully for the 'k' he often received, knowing he had been heard. "You should go ahead and brush your teeth, Gaara."

The little redhead pouted, "Aw, but dad, I wanna stay up longer!"

Sasori shook his head, "Nope. You have school tomorrow. You can stay up late tomorrow night."

Gaara grumbled and crossed his arms, "But Kankuro gets to stay up late!"

"Kankuro is older and is responsible for getting up on time by himself. When you're his age, you can do the exact same."

The teenager chuckled as he watched the little boy stomp off in a fit of brief anger. He turned to his father and raised a curious brow. "You got a hot date tonight, pops?"

Sasori raised an eyebrow identical to his son. "What makes you think that."

"You seem eager to put everyone to bed," Kankuro shrugged with a lazy grin.

The redhead pursed his lips and started straightening up the living area. "I wouldn't call it a hot date exactly. Deidara texted me earlier saying he wanted to come over."

"Figures." Shoving a pinky in his ear, he continued, "What're you two going to do? Netflix and Chill?" It was meant to be a joke.

"Huh, how'd you know?"

Kankuro stopped cleaning his ear and stared at his father with a blanched face. "What."

Sasori neatly folded a blanket and handed it to the pale boy. "Take that to Gaara's room." He checked his watch and clicked his tongue in annoyance. "It was Dei's idea. He promised a night of quiet, so I assume there's no need to be worried about being woken up by a loud action packed movie."

The teenager furrowed his eyebrow in confusion. "Wait, do you not get it?"

"Get what?"

"Netflix and Chill."

Sasori gave a look of inquiry. "What about it? We've been on plenty of movie dates before. What's not to get about a stay at home movie date?"

Kankuro's eyes widened and he nearly bursted into laughter. "Oh, geez. Okey, dad, look, I'll make sure everyone gets in bed all safe and snuggly. You go get ready for your date."

"Uh, alright. Thanks. Don't stay up too late."

Marching up the stairs, Kankuro made sure to stop by his sister's room firstly. He rapped against the wooden door loudly. When sandy ponytails popped out, Kankuro held up a pair of headphones. "Might need these tonight."

Temari raised an eyebrow before realizing why. "Ugh, that's gross. I guess Deidara is coming over?"

Kankuro laughed, "Yep. Deidara told him they'd Netflix and Chill. Dad actually thinks they're just gonna watch movies."

The blond girl snorted and accepted the headphones. "Poor naive, dad." With a thanks, the door shut and lights went off.

The teenager dug around in his pockets, making his way to his little brother's room. Tonight would be a long night.

* * *

Around ten o'clock, the doorbell rang. Sasori calmly answered the door and easily caught the ecstatic blond in his arms - it was nearly routine for the boy to fling himself at the redhead. As a pair of slim arms wrapped around his neck, he found his lips occupied by a cherry cola chapstick pair. "Hello to you too," he muttered, breaking the kiss.

Deidara grinned up at the man and kissed him one more time before letting go. "Everyone in bed, un?"

Sasori pulled the blond in and silently closed and locked the door behind them. "Yes, so keep it down."

The blond nodded and grabbed the man's hand, dragging him toward the couch. He pushed the older male down and plopped down next to him. Teasingly leaning over the male, Deidara switched off the only lit light source. "So, what movie we gonna watch?" he purred.

Sasori grabbed the remote and handed it over to the blond. "Your pick. By the way, did you remember my glasses?"

Deidara sat up right and pulled off his coat almost seductively. He held out the article of clothing over to his lover and started scrolling through the selection of movies. He needed to find a movie that wasn't too boring, but not too interesting at the same time. The movie was a mere distraction after all. When the redhead wasn't paying attention, Deidara would strike a sweet, little kiss that would lead to a lustful night of being banged into the couch. "Oh, what about this one?"

"The Babadook?" Sasori asked, an eyebrow arched. "What genre?"

"Horror, un~" the blond grinned. "You aren't already scared are ya?"

Sasori snorted, "I should be asking you that. Put it on and scooch over."

Deidara giggled and did so. He allowed the redhead to extend his body over the couch and soon crawled into the space next to him, snuggling close to the older male. The blond let out a mewl of appreciation when an arm enclosed him, firmly holding him in place. Everything was going according to plan. Now to wait a good fifteen or twenty minutes into the movie and then strike like a venomous scorpion.

A little over half an hour into the movie later, Deidara had already forgotten about his plan. He had become so involved in the movie that when Sasori even made a pass at anything sexual, he flat out ignored it. It wasn't like the redhead really tried anything, but he still made small gestures of kisses and groping. The blond was already gone though. At a particularly scary part of the movie, Deidara gasped and hid his face into the pillows beneath their heads. Had he not done that, he would've heard the amused chuckle of Sasori from above.

The redhead leaned over and in the blond's ear whispered in the creepiest voice he could muster, "Ba-ba-dook… dook… dook…"

Deidara yelped into the pillow and flung his arm back into Sasori in a harsh jab. "Don't do that!" he hissed with wide eyes.

Sasori couldn't help but laugh at his distressed lover. "Scared, Dei?" he purred joyfully.

The blond humphed and pulled his head from the pillows. "No."

The redhead kissed the side of his head and rubbed his sides as if to ease the boy. "Sure. You just bruised my abdomen for the fun of it, right?"

"Not like I can't kiss it better, un," the blond muttered.

"Oh? Would you?"

Deidara tore his eyes away from the movie. Even though he sorta forgot about his plan, this was the perfect segue into something a little more risque. However, this movie was really good… "Maybe after the movie," he stated under his breath.

Sasori raised his eyebrows in surprise. Deidara passing up an opportunity to have sex? Maybe his love had been possessed by the movie demon. The redhead shook his head and rested comfortably. He was given some peace for once, so why not take the chance to actually enjoy it?

When the final credits began to roll, Sasori stretched an arm out to turn on the lamp next to him. He felt the blond shift and was able to sit upright as the boy stretched. Stretching as well, Sasori managed to spare a glance at his watch. Nearly twelve. It seemed Deidara would be staying the night - not like it was a first. "It was a pretty good movie."

Deidara turned wildly to give his lover an incredulous look. "It was scary as hell, un! Especially when you did that stupid whispering! Don't you ever do that again or I swear I will chop your dick off and feed it to the Babadook!"

Sasori chuckled, "C'mon, it was kind of funny."

The blond tried to frown, but couldn't hold back the small laugh. "Okey, it was kind of funny."

"Also, speaking of my dick, I was surprised you weren't all over me tonight," Sasori smirked. "That was your plan after all, wasn't it?"

Deidara gaped at the older male. "No way! How'd you find out, un? I was sure you didn't know what Netflix and Chill meant."

Sasori snorted and kissed the blond's parted lips. "I didn't and still kind of don't understand it, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out why you're wearing lacy panties. They're your - what did you call them again? Your " _I want to ride you all night long."_ panties, was it?"

The blond bit his lip and smirked, "Nuhuh, how could you tell, un?"

"I felt the little bows in the front. Plus, I remembered the texture of the fabric," Sasori shrugged.

Deidara laughed, "You're a grade A pervert, all right. When did you even managed to get inside my pants? I totally didn't notice."

Sasori rolled his eyes and turned the TV off. "I know. You were sucked up in that movie."

"It was good, un…"

The redhead pulled the boy up from the couch and into a sweet kiss. "It's late. We should get some sleep. I have work tomorrow and you have school."

Deidara pouted, "Aw, but class doesn't start til nine. Besides, the night is still young~" he purred.

Sasori chuckled, "Don't even think about it. You should've brought your " _Don't get distracted and follow through with the plan."_ panties. No sex tonight."

"But Dannnnnaaaa~"

"No buts, only yours marching up the stairs into bed," Sasori stated as if he were talking to one of his children.

Deidara stuck his tongue out, then grumbled, "Yes, daddy."

The redhead glared and pushed the blond toward the stairs. "Don't call me that - it's weird."

The blond grinned, "Okey… daddy." He giggled and quickly hopped the stairs before Sasori could reach out and spank him. Although, he might've enjoyed that…

" _Brat._ "

Or maybe not. The older male sounded serious, but Deidara didn't take it to heart. He bit his tongue and dodged into the room before his lover could scold him any further. He could mess with the redhead on a later date - the blond was starting to feel tired himself anyways. Throwing off his clothes, he fetched one of Sasori's night shirts and slid it on.

"You could've just worn the one you were wearing, you know?"

Deidara just stuck his tongue out once more and plopped onto the bed. "I like yours better. Comfy and smells like you, un."

Sasori sighed in reply and stripped down to his boxers, before sliding next to the blond in bed. "Whatever makes you happy." He gave the boy one last kiss before closing his eyes and smiling. "Sleep tight and don't let the Babadook bite."

"Danna!"

The redhead wrapped his arm around the boy tightly. "I'll keep you safe," he muttered. "Sleep."

Deidara huffed and snuggled into the male's chest. "I love you," he whispered.

"Love you too."

* * *

The next morning rolled around and while Deidara slept in, Sasori and the rest of his children were already awake and enjoying a hasty breakfast. Ushering both Temari and Gaara to get ready, Sasori was left alone with his oldest son Kankuro. The teenager was grinning like mad while he chomped on his piece of toast.

"So…" he whistled, "how was last night?"

Sasori raised an eyebrow, "It was fine. Why?"

"Did you two Netflix and Chill?" He could barely contain his laughter.

The redhead rolled his eyes, "Why would you even want to know? You really are your mother's child. Honestly…" he muttered. "Yes, we watched a movie on Netflix. Chill? If cuddling counts, then yes. Did we have sex? No."

Kankuro stared blankly, "Seriously? That's like the whole point of Netflix and Chill."

"Feel free to remind Deidara of that. He's the one who forgot. Not like it mattered of course. I wouldn't have sex with you guys in the house." Sasori stopped and sent the boy a light glare, "Even if you had been in the house last night, we wouldn't of done anything. Don't think I won't tell your mother about you sneaking out."

Kankuro scowled and grumbled, "How'd you know?"

"I heard you sneak back in this morning. Plus, you're covered in dirt. Try to be a little more discreet if you don't want to get caught," Sasori stated, sipping his coffee. "Now go get cleaned up. I'm going to wake Deidara up and then we'll be out the door."

Sasori pursed his lips as he watched the moody teenager storm off to the bathroom. Just as he was about to turn around and run upstairs, he was pulled into a hug.

"Already up, un~" the male yawned into the redhead's back.

The older male turned in the embrace and offered his coffee to the male. "Morning, beautiful. Sleep well?"

The blond nodded and accepted the caffeine. "So, he's the reason why I choked on your dick, huh? What happened to no sex when the kids are home, un?" the boy snickered.

Sasori knocked the boy on the back of his head. "Hush it. He shouldn't have been out anyways. Besides, we didn't have sex. It was just a blowjob."

Deidara clicked his tongue, "Which sucks. You totally owe me, un."

The sound of multiple feet alerted the couple and Sasori glanced up at the stairs, seeing all three of his children scurrying down. He checked his watch and snatched one last drink of his coffee. "Later," he said in a kiss. "Don't forget to lock up and I'll call you on break."

The blond returned the affection and waved goodbye to the rugrats on their way out. "Have a good day. I lo- ah…" he bit his tongue. It was a bit weird to say in front of the older man's kids. He occupied his mouth with the coffee instead to hide the unsaid words.

Just before Sasori went out the door, he gave the blond a gentle smile. "Love you too, brat. Be good."

It was only when the door closed that Deidara let out a squeal of delight. It might've been a weird relationship, but he couldn't be happier and he was determined to make it last. Despite what anyone might think. He still had a lot of time to convince their families and then maybe soon they'd be married. Living together would certainly make Netflix and Chill a lot easier after all.


	2. Tinder or Grindr? pt 1

This takes places before Sassy and Dei get together.

Genre: Romance/Humor

Rated: T

Word Count: 3237

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

Kankuro had a problem. A fifty points problem to be exact. Once again, his stupid Family and Consumer Science class had another stupid project. The teenager was really starting to believe that the cute upperclassman, who suggested taking the class with him, wasn't worth it. The brunet scowled down at the sheet of paper in his hands before crumpling it up into a ball. Just as he was about to toss it in the nearest trash bin, the previously mentioned cute upperclassman caught up with him in the hall.

"Hi, Kankuro!" she greeted happily.

The teenger's words caught in his throat. "A-Ah, hey, Rin."

"I'm, like, so excited to be working on this project! It's always such a blast to help people out, especially family. Have you decided on who you're going to help yet?" she asked cheerfully.

Kankuro tightened his fist around the paper ball. "Uh, no not exactly. My family is… weird when it comes to help. I'm going to my dad's for the week of the project and his side of the family is really limited."

Rin frowned seemingly guilty. "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you can talk to your parents about staying with your mom for another week. You're old enough to make the decision on who you want to stay with after all."

"Yeah, I guess. I just want to upset either one of them. My parents are both… extremist sometimes…" Kankuro shrugged and sighed, "I'll figure it out. I have until Sunday morning to make a decision."

Rin smiled, "There you go. I'm sure you'll have it figured out by then."

Kankuro smiled shyly. Maybe the cute girl was worth the lame ass class and project.

By Sunday, the teenager was past thinking about the girl and was completely stressed out. As it turned out, he forgot to talk to his parents and ended up going to his dad's. It wouldn't have been a major problem, had his mother not left on a business trip. Now Kankuro was stuck between choosing either his nutty great-grandmother, creepy great-uncle, or grumpy dad. Of course he could choose between the two of his siblings, but let's be honest, he thought they were abnnoying little shits. Not that he didn't love them! Most of the time.

"This freaking sucks!" the teeanger complained as he flopped onto his male groaned and shoved a pillow in his face. Maybe if he suffocated himself long enough he'd die and not have to do the stupid project.

"But Daaaaaaad!" he heard his sister screech from upstairs.

He rolled his eyes at the loud banshee and buried his face deeper in the pillow. Sometimes it sucked having the basement bedroom. You could hear just about everything from upstairs - every creak, screech, and door slam.

"Why can't I gooooo!?" the girl whined again. "It's not fair! All my other friends are going with their boyfriends! Why can't I go with mine?"

Kankuro's ear perked up. His dear little sister was being denied an outing and it had to do with boys. Hopping off his bed, he ran up the stairs and peered into the kitchen. His father was cooking what seemed to be stir fry, while Temari was standing on the other side of the island with her arms crossed defiantly. This ought to be good.

Sasori sighed and gave the girl a strict glare. "I already told you no, Temari. You're not old enough to be running around at night that late. Nor are you old enough to be dating. Especially older _boys._ "

"Dad!" Temari huffed. "Why do you hate me!? Mom would let me go!"

The redhead turned sharply from his cooking and held up the spatula toward the young girl as if he were pointing at her. "You know damn well that I don't hate you and that your mother would never allow that."

Kankuro had to bite his lip to stop his laughter. _Here comes the waterworks,_ he thought to himself.

Tears welled up in Temari's eyes, "You swore at me! You hate me! You really hate me!"

Sasori huffed and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to swear, but you need to watch what you say, young lady. I don't hate you. I love you very much. Your mother and I both do. You know that. Now cease this bratty act of yours and behave yourself."

The blond groaned and rubbed her eyes, "Please, Dad! Pleaaaase! It's just the movies. There will only be, like, three guys at most and they're the same age as Kankuro!"

"Which is too old for you. You're thirteen for Amaterasu's sake! Since when are you even into boys? I remember when you used to punch the boys who tried to even give you a hug on the playground," the redhead stated matter-of-factly.

Temari rolled her eyes, "I was like five then! Just let me be me!"

The redhead shook his head and attended to the food. "No means no, and I won't tell you again. You're not going. Ask again and you won't see that cellphone for the rest of the week."

"Y-You...You-" the blond girl stomped her foot and screeched one last time. "You're just jealous that I have a boyfriend and you don't! That's why mom left you in the first place!"

Kankuro's jaw dropped, "Oh, shit."

Sasori's expression went from mildly annoyed to bewildered and then to fury in a matter of seconds. His glare was so intense that even Kankuro, who was still hidden, felt scared. What was even more frightening was the tone his father used. He didn't yell or swear - it was the exact opposite. In a calm, yet stern voice he scolded his daughter. "You have no right to speak me in such a way. I did not raise you to be so disrespectful to me or any other adult. Go to your room right now and do not come out until I call for dinner. We'll have a talk later."

Temari winced at her father's words and quickly dashed out of the kitchen. She was so upset

and frightened that she didn't even notice Kankuro stretching his neck out to watch her run away.

However, Sasori noticed his son. "What is it, Kankuro?"

The brunet blanched and slowly crept out of his hiding spot. "I heard Temari and was curious to what she was complaining about this time. How's the dinner?"

Sasori sighed, "That wasn't a very smooth transition, but the stir fry is almost done. How's your project coming along?"

Kankuro grumbled under his breath, "It's coming… along."

"What is it exactly? You didn't tell me much. Maybe I can help?"

The teenager shook his head, "That's the opposite of what I need to do. I need to be the one helping. I have to help a family member with something that is useful and personal to them."

Sasori frowned and hummed in thought. "Well, you could help me."

"With what?" Kankuro groaned.

"How about cleaning the whole house - or better yet, be dad for the rest of the week. Yeah, that sounds great," the redhead chuckled.

Kankuro rolled his eyes, "Dad, that's not good enough! It has to be personal!"

"It is very personal!" Sasori deadpanned. "It's a lot of hard work to be a single dad, you know?"

"Well, maybe you should get a girlfriend - er, boyfriend," the teenager corrected himself, "to help out around the house."

Sasori snorted at the suggestion. "Right. Dating may seem easier to you because you're young. I'm a thirty-five year old divorcee with three kids. Plus, I've just recently discovered my preference for men. It's a lot harder for someone like me to find a "boyfriend" these days."

"You're just being pessimistic. Divorcees find dates all the time! Even if they have kids!"

The redhead gave his son a flat look. "Yes, but the majority of them are heterosexual."

That's when it hit Kankuro. He could help his dad! "Dad! I got it!" he announced excitedly. "I know how to help you!"

Sasori raised an eyebrow, "Yes?"

"Let's setup a dating profile for you!"

The redhead gave his son a pointed look. "Let's not."

Kankuro whipped out his phone and started searching through the app store to find the perfect dating apps. "C'mon, it'll be alright. People your age do it all the time. Besides, we can find you a guy that is totally into a thirty-five year old with three kids."

"No, just no. I've seen that Catfish show on MTV and I do not intend to be the next loser on it."

The teen shook his head. "Trust me, dad, that won't happen. All reality shows are fake anyways. Listen, it'll just be for the assignment. You don't have to actually date anyone. Just talk to some people who are interested. Maybe go on one date with them if you think it's worth it. C'mon, it's only for a week! After that you can delete the profile."

Sasori pulled his stir fry away from the stovetop and set it aside. From there, he turned to face his son, arms crossed. His face held a scowl, but it wavered as he thought about the decision. "Fine," he huffed. He reached into his pocket and handed his phone over to the teenager. "Find whatever you think is the best."

Kankuro took the phone eagerly and was surprised to find that his father didn't lock his phone. "You don't lock your phone?" he asked.

"There's no real reason to," the redhead shrugged. "Go tell Temari and Gaara the food is done. I'll get the table set up."

The teenager mindlessly wandered through their home, his nose buried in his dad's phone. As he made his way to his siblings' rooms, he grinned like mad upon finding the best dating app in the whole universe. Tinder.

* * *

Later that night, when the other kids were in bed, Kankuro sat in the living room with his father. He was sitting beside him, helping the older male fill out his profile. His father was having trouble conceiving the idea that he had to share an ounce of his personal life in order to find a match.

"You don't have to write a novel. You can keep it short and to the point, but you have to make sure it catches attention. Maybe start with a few of your likes, let them get to know what would be a good date. What do you like to do?"

Sasori pursed his lips, "Reading, cooking, working, cleaning, going for walks-"

"Dad, that's really boring. No one goes to the library for a date. I know you hate eating out, but those are typical date starters. Didn't you and mom go out to eat when you started dating?" Kankuro asked as gently as he could.

The redhead shrugged, "She always picked the place, to be honest. She asked me out first and suggested some Italian place."

"But, you hate Italian."

"She found that out after we got married."

Kankuro snorted, "Wow, you're kind of a pushover. Okey, well you like coffee right? Why not put something like _Loves coffee, nature walks, and hates Italian food._ "

Sasori handed his phone over to his son. "You're clearly better at this."

The teenager sighed and took the device. "Okey. We need a little bit more though. Let's see… Maybe _Father of three and looking for a long-time partner._?"

"Sure… but what about my preference? If you don't put that down then-"

" _Gay_."

Sasori glared, "Not that blunt. It's… embarrassing when you put it like that."

Kankuro raised an eyebrow, "There's no need to be ashamed, dad."

"I've been straight up until my divorce and I have three kids."

Kankuro gave a small smile, "Technically, you've been in denial up until the divorce, but if you insist, I'll fix it up. How's _Sorry, ladies, but I'm not interested._?"

The redhead grumbled and distracted himself by watching the news. "Fine."

The teen hummed in approval and finalized the profile. He figured it would take about a night or longer before he got any hits on his profile, so he handed the phone back over to father and said good night. Maybe he'd actually get an A on his project after all.

The next morning, Kankuro woke up early on his own. It was a sight to behold, as it rarely happened. The reason for his disrupted sleep was a constant dinging noise. It wasn't a familiar noise, so of course it would wake him up. He sat up in bed and found that the sound was on his table. No wonder it was so loud and annoying. Getting up, Kankuro discovered that it was his father's phone. "What the hell," he muttered, picking it up. Every few seconds it would ding with a notification. Unlocking the phone he saw that it was indeed notifications. All of them were from… Facebook? He headed downstairs with the phone in confusion. He found his father sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee. "Dad, have you seen this?"

When the redhead turned to look at his son, the teenager could clearly see that his father had. The man looked exhausted.

"It wouldn't stop, so I tossed it in your room."

Kankuro gave his father a slightly annoyed look. "You could've just turned the notifications off. Whatever, what's this about?"

Sasori looked away and continued to down his coffee.

The teenager raised an eyebrow in confusion. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. Opening the app up, he tapped the first notification he saw. It lead to his father's facebook - which was used more for family affairs than anything - and found several comments on his wall. He was still majorly confused until he read the first one.

 _There's no way you're gay! You have three kids? Since when did you and Karura divorce?_

He frowned and scrolled down further. More comments were similar to that, a lot of them coming from his mother's family or friends who hadn't known for some reason. Then he found some that he assumed were from Tinder. They were all women complaining about how all the cute men were either taken or gay and how it was unfair that such an attractive man was gay.

"Dad…"

The redhead sighed, "I told you it was a bad idea."

"You didn't say that exactly…"

"Well, I thought it."

Kankuro huffed, "Look, we can figure this out. Maybe Tinder isn't for you. Obviously, you're a chick magnet, so maybe we should find an app that is more suitable to your sexuality?"

Sasori shook his head, "Look, Kankuro, I appreciate what you were trying to do, but maybe it'd just be better if you helped Granny Chiyo instead. I'm sure she can give you a hundred things to help her with." He stood up and left the kitchen to go wake up the other children.

The teenager frowned. It seemed that it was bothering his father a lot more than he was willing to admit or even acknowledge. This determined the brunet further. No way was he going to help his pruney great grandmother scrape off her bunions. He'd find his father a boyfriend and gets his A if it was the last thing he ever did on this planet!

It was at school that he decided to get some help. Although, he should've known better than to ask around about gay dating apps. His friends got a good round of laughter out of it. All day Kankuro had to put up with, "Don't worry, you're still our pal. Even if you do like it up the butt." No wonder his father didn't want to come out. Kankuro knew his friends were only joking, but the era his father grew up in was a lot harsher. Being gay meant being bullied. Now it was just something most of society accepted.

By the time lunch rolled around, Kankuro still had no lead to help his father. He sat grumpily at the table with his friends. They were all chatting when he was approached by a friend of a friend. He didn't know the guy that well, but he was an upperclassman and often sat at the end of their table.

"I heard you were asking around for a gay dating app?" the white haired male asked.

Kankuro tensed, "It's not for me, I swear. You see my-"

The guy shook his head, "I don't need details. There's this app called Grindr. Bunch of gay guys use it. Honestly, it's pretty lousy, but it's one of the most popular gay dating apps out there. Thought you'd like to know."

The brunet sat there speechless, his friends giggling like preteen girls. "Uh, thanks," he finally uttered.

When the guy left and joined them at the end of the table - like always, Kankuro's friends bursted out in laughter and joked about how he should hook up with the guy. They could be voted the cutest couple for the yearbook, one of his friends joked. The teenager rolled his eyes, but ended up joining them in their laughter and jokes. Grinning down at his phone, he downloaded the app and began to make his father's profile. At least he could avoid scraping bunions for now.

* * *

"You did what!?" Sasori asked in exasperation.

Kankuro smiled sheepishly. He held up his phone and presented it to the male.

Sasori snatched it out of his son's hands and stared incredulously at the app. "A gay dating app. You set me up on a gay dating app."

"It seemed like a good idea! Now you can find a _guy_ and not have to worry about judgement."

The redhead shook his head and handed the phone back to the boy. "I refuse to do this. As your father, I demand that you delete this."

"No way!" the brunet snapped. "Either you put it on your phone and find a date yourself or I'll do it!"

Sasori stared at his son in surprise before narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Why are you so persistent on this? It can't be just because you want a good grade."

Kankuro frowned and crossed his arms, "You're mostly right. I really do want an A, but this little project has shown me something."

The older male crossed his arms as well. "Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"You're lonely. You're lonely and ashamed. You say you aren't, but you are. You've been denying it for so long, and you're still having trouble coping with it. You're more concerned about what others will think, but you shouldn't. You're still my dad no matter who you love. You need to accept yourself. It's been two years, dad. You're allowed to find someone else - Mom already has. If mom can find a man, so can you!"

Sasori snorted at the last part of his speech. "Son, you were doing really well until that last statement."

Kankuro huffed, "That's beside the point. Are you going to download it on your phone or not?"

The redhead heaved a sigh, "I guess I can give it a try."

The teenage smiled and gave the redhead all of his login info. He was getting closer to that A, he could just feel it!


	3. Tinder or Grindr? pt 2

Why is bowling so sexual? Is it too much to ask for you guys to not make any jokes in the reviews?

Genre: Romance/Humor

Rated: T

Word Count: 4339

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

It was a quiet Wednesday afternoon in the Akasuna house. Too quiet, Kankuro thought to himself. From his room, he could hear nothing. Not even the thudding of Gaara's feet trampling across the floor! Worried that his family might have been brutally slaughtered whilst he was in his room, the teenager crept up the stairs cautiously. He peered into the kitchen - no one.

Grabbing the nearby broom from the pantry, Kankuro held the household weapon close and tiptoed through the kitchen and circled around through the dining room. He checked the living room, but didn't see a soul. However, the door to his father's office was ajar.

Using the end of the brook stick, Kankuro pushed the open slightly. Seeing a shadow scurry across the wall sent the teenager into a fit of hysterics. Jumping into the room, the boy let out a yell and brought his weapon down upon whatever was in his way. Which just so happened to be a coat rack.

"Oh, hey, son," the redhead muttered from his seat at his desk. "Quite the entrance."

Kankuro wrestled himself free of the rack and pushed everything aside. "I thought you guys got murdered! Where is everyone? It's so quiet." He stared at his father awaiting an answer. Just what was that man doing on his phone?

The older male didn't even bother to look up at his son. "Gaara is at Granny's and Temari is at the movies."

The teenagers eyes widened, "What? Shouldn't you be concerned that Temari is with a bunch of boys or that Gaara may be getting filled with cookies and won't eat dinner later?"

"Meh," the redhead shrugged.

"Dad…"

Sasori continued to tap away at his phone.

Kankuro frowned and raised an eyebrow, "I'm gonna dye my hair."

"Don't make a mess."

"And get a tattoo."

"As long as it's your money."

Kankuro pursed his lips, "I'm gonna get smashed and do a bunch of drugs with my friends."

"You have friends?"

The teenager huffed and crossed his arms, "I'm going to borrow your car and credit card."

"All yours, bud."

Kankuro smirked-

"I'll make sure they have a cell ready for you."

The boy scowled, unamused. He approached his father and stood over the male. When the man didn't look up at him, Kankuro calmly reached down and plucked the phone away.

"Hey!" Sasori snapped, finally out of his trance.

The teenager rolled his eyes and handed the device back. "Welcome back to planet Earth. You're acting just like Temari. What are you even doing?"

The redhead pursed his lips, "I'm doing what you wanted me to do."

Kankuro gave a confused look before gasping, "No way! You actually found someone? Who is he? Who is he? What's his name? What's he look like? How old is he? Does he-"

"Now you're the one who sounds like Temari," Sasori snorted. "His name is Deidara and he's twenty-seven. Although, he's got quite the baby-face."

The teenager grinned, "That's awesome! When are you going to meet him?"

Sasori rubbed the back of his neck and was distracted by another message that popped up on the screen. His thumbs raced across the slick surface. "We just started talking last night, Kankuro."

"So what? You two totally need to go on a date! It'd improve my project and make it last longer when I present it," the boy grinned happily.

The redhead rolled his eyes, "While I'm glad that you're getting your project done, I wish it was a bit less personal."

"Tell me about it. Will you do it?"

"I'll ask," the man sighed. "Anyways, go tell Temari and Gaara to get ready. I don't feel like cooking tonight."

Kankuro gave his dad a blank stare. "Uh, dad… they're not here. Remember?"

Sasori scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. "Wait, what?"

The teenager laughed and shook his head, "You really weren't pay attention. I'm gonna take a shower. Make sure you ask him out."

The redhead frowned then nearly smacked himself on the head. "Damn it." He groaned in displeasure at his lack of parenting skills, "Yeah, you go do that. We'll have to pick them up. I swear if Chiyo filled that boy with cookies, I'll-"

Kankuro laughed and closed the door behind him as he left his father to gather his rationality. Getting his dad a boyfriend was more than just beneficial to his father it seemed.

* * *

"Kankuro, you're in charge until I get back. No house parties or sneaking out. Keep the kiddos entertained - play a board game or something," Sasori said as he spritzed on some of his cologne. He looked through the mirror at his older son, who was on his phone and not really listening.

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

Sasori sighed and ushered the boy out of his room. "I shouldn't be out any later than ten." Grabbing his jacket, he and his son entered the living room where his other two children were watching TV.

Temari looked up and frowned in disappointment, "Please, don't tell me you're wearing that ugly sweater, Dad."

The redhead huffed and zipped up his jacket, "It's not ugly! Besides, it's my favorite sweater. Just listen to your older brother and don't make any messes." With that said, he exited the house quickly.

The preteen shook her head, "He's so not getting another date."

Checking his watch, Sasori stood outside the designated restaurant nervously. He hadn't been on a date in two years and now here he was about to meet up with a guy who he barely knows. It was already two minutes past the initial set time for the date and Sasori couldn't help but tap his foot impatiently.

Five minutes later after uncomfortable waiting, Sasori was tapped on the shoulder from behind. He whipped around on his heels and came face to face with the most divine creature he had ever seen. The male was even better looking in person. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words got stuck in his throat.

"Sasori, un?" the blond smiled.

Quickly clearing his throat, Sasori returned the greeting. "Yeah. Deidara, right?" His face felt flushed and he was sure that it could be seen from outer space. Suddenly, he started feeling self-conscious. The other man was very attractive and not to mention very young looking. His worry was interrupted when the blond smiled at him.

"Sorry, I ran a little late. Traffic, un."

The redhead shook his head. "It's alright. Let's head in?" He held out his arm just the slightest, but Deidara was able to take the hint and eagerly latched onto him. The flustered couple entered the restaurant and hit it off from there.

Unlike how he imagined the date going - that be awkward - it was going just the opposite. He was having a great time getting to know the male, but something was off. He couldn't place it though. The redhead must've had a perplexed look on his face, because the blond returned the look.

"Something on your mind?"

The redhead lifted a brow and pursed his lips, "It's nothing. I was just wondering what you did for work?"

Deidara bit his lip and was quiet for a moment. Then he spoke up with a small smile, "I'm, uh, working in pyrotechnics."

"Oh? Where at?"

"Konoha University." The blond cleared his throat and blushed lightly, "I mean, I teach at the university."

"Ah, I see," the redhead muttered. He raised his glass to his lips in order to hide the small smirk on his face. Now he understood what was wrong with this situation. As the conversation went quiet, their eyes met. Sasori could see how nervous the other felt. "After dinner," the redhead finally spoke up, "would you like to do something else?"

Deidara looked up in surprise, "Like what?"

"Something fun." He meant it in the most innocent way, but the blond looked like he just smashed his face in a bucket of red paint. He began stuttering and trying to form coherent sentences, but Sasori was able to clarify. "I meant as in going somewhere else - not my bedroom," he laughed.

The blond gave a shy smile, "Oh, hah, yeah. Where would we go? There isn't a lot fun places in this town. Ah, sorry, that came off a bit rude, didn't it?"

Sasori shook his head, excusing the blond's poor manners. "I know of a place, if you don't mind me choosing."

After dinner, the blond took him up on his offer and two left together. As Sasori drove, he noticed the blond anxiously looking out the window then his phone. It was like he thought that Sasori was taking him to be slaughtered or something. It was only when they reached the building with glaring neon lights that he saw the look in the blond's eyes change.

"Whoa! A bowling alley? That's like so retro! I didn't know we even had one, un!"

Sasori chuckled as he watched the blond practically bounce out of his car. Catching up with the excited blond, the two entered the building. Once inside, the redhead felt a sense of nostalgia - the place hadn't changed a bit since his early college days. Aside from the fix ups, of course. Upon reaching the register, the two were greeted by a ginger with many piercings.

"Sasori Akasuna," the male grinned. "It's been a while! How've you been?"

The redhead gave a small smile and greeted the older man back. "I've been alright. How're you and the rest of the family?"

"Couldn't be better. So, whose birthday is it?"

Sasori raised an eyebrow in question.

The man laughed and made a gesture with his hands that emphasized the building. "Why else would you grace us with your presence?"

The redhead flushed and put a hand on Deidara's mid back. "I'm here on a date."

The ginger seemed shocked. He turned his wide eyes to the blond.

Deidara gave a shy wave and smile.

"So, just you two then…?"

Sasori nodded.

The older male, still in shock, rang them up for a session and reached out with a stamp. The ink glowed beneath the UV lighting and signified that they were eligible to play.

"Do you mind going ahead?" Sasori asked his date.

The blond blinked, but shrugged, "Not at all. Which lane?"

"Sixty-nine. It's upstairs." Deidara snorted and Sasori swore he heard him mutter "my favorite position" under his breath. Moving out of the way for the next group, Sasori stood beside the counter already ready for the questions that were about to erupt from his long-time friend.

"A date, huh? About time - it's been a year hasn't it?"

Sasori chuckled, "Two, actually."

The ginger shook his head, "Too long. While I am happy for you… I gotta ask…"

"Yes?"

"He's not one of Kankuro's friends, right?"

The redhead glanced over at the blond picking out a pair of shoes. "No. He's twenty-seven."

"And I don't have a bunch of piercings on my face."

Sasori stared at the man unamused.

The ginger sighed, "You know I'm not one to judge, Sasori. I'm just looking out for you. Where did you even meet this kid?"

"It's a long story. Don't worry, Pein, I know what I'm doing. I'll tell you the details later."

The older male shrugged, "Alright, but don't think I'm not telling Konan about this!"

Sasori rolled his eyes and grumbled swears under his breath. After he got his shoes, he climbed the stairs and spotted Deidara at their lane. He was bent over the machine, inputting their names for the game. "Hey, sorry about that," the redhead apologized as he approached the blond.

Deidara smiled and shook his head, "It's no big deal. He a friend?"

"Something like that," the redhead mused.

"How'd you know about this place, un?"

Sasori took off his jacket and set it on the seats behind them. "My old college buddies and I used to come here back in the day. Like you said, there isn't a lot to do in this town, but my friend - whom you just met - got a job here. He told us about the place and we used it as our hangout spot." Following the blond to the ball rack, he watched as the male bent over - examining each ball. Those certainly were a tight pair of pants Deidara was wearing - curved his figure nicely, especially his ass. The redhead mentally scolded himself and adverted his eyes. It wasn't until he heard an "Oh, shit!" that he returned his attention to the blond just in time to see him drop the ball at his feet.

While the blond bounced back, Sasori was quick to stop the ball from rolling away. He used his foot to catch it and swept it up in an easy manner. He read the number on top of the ball and raised a brow at the pouting blond. "Are you alright?"

Deidara grumbled, "Yeah, just didn't think it'd be that heavy."

Sasori chuckled and put the ball back. "You need to be more careful. Pay attention to the numbers on top of the ball. The weight is put there, so that you don't grab a ball that's too heavy for you to handle and-" the redhead stopped, realizing what he was doing. "I'm sorry," he apologized, red in the face. "I'm so used to scolding my kids that I just started on you. I'm not really making a good impression, am I?"

The blond laughed and shook his head, "You're fine, un. It was… cute."

"I'm not so sure about cute, but it's definitely embarrassing…"

Deidara shook his head once more. "It really isn't. Why don't you help me pick out the right one for me? I haven't been bowling since… Was it my seventh birthday?"

The redhead chuckled and started sifting through the balls. "It's been a while then? Here, try this one," he said holding a ball with the number ten on it.

"Isn't this the size for kids?"

"Not exactly," Sasori laughed. "It's a lighter ball for adults. Slide your fingers in and I'll keep a hold of it until you have it grasped."

The blond nodded and slid his slim fingers into the holes. A perfect fit. Sliding his empty hand underneath the ball, he was able to take it from Sasori and hold it up without any problems. He still complained however, "Yanno, I don't remember bowling balls being this heavy."

Sasori chuckled and picked up a thirteen. "You act like you've never picked up a thing in your life."

"I'm an artist, un," Deidara stated simply.

The redhead nearly rolled his eyes. He knew well enough that art supplies themselves could be quite heavy - especially the sculpting mediums. "Fair enough," he said anyways. "You're up first."

Deidara smirked and got in front of the lane. "I totally got this!"

* * *

"I totally don't got this," Deidara complained half way through the game later. He wore a pout and was grumpily sitting while watching Sasori finish his turn. He mouth fell open at the redhead's perfect strike. That was the third one in a row! "How do you keep doing that!?"

Sasori shrugged with a small chuckle, "Good luck, I guess. It's really not all that hard…"

Deidara hopped up from his seat and pointed to the score board. "For you maybe. Have you seen my score, un?"

The redhead bit his lip, trying to hold back his amused smile. "Perhaps, I can help you?"

The blond sighed in defeat, "Please?" He grabbed his ball and walked up to the center of the lane, Sasori following him. He jolted in surprise and flushed when the redhead came up behind him.

Sasori placed his hand on the male's back and grasped the ball from underneath, briefly touching the blond's fingertips. "Relax," the redhead said soothingly, "it'll make it easier to roll it down the lane." He waited until the male's muscles were no longer tense and smiled, "Good. Now, do you want me to go through it with you all the way or are you okey with me letting go?"

"Surprise me, un."

"Alright," the redhead muttered. Directing the blond, he was able to help him properly line up with the pins and swing the ball at a good momentum. After a couple good practice swings, Sasori eased off him, but continued to guide the blond. "This time for real. On the count of three, we'll toss the ball. Ready?"

"Yep!" the blond grinned, now perfectly relaxed and comfortable.

Sasori smiled and counted down, their arms going back. Before he could say three, he let go of the ball and allowed the blond to take control. When he did say the number, Deidara threw the ball down the lane and was in utter shock when it didn't go straight into the gutter. His surprise grew even more when it hit a perfect strike. The next thing Sasori knew was that he was being tightly squeezed.

"Oh my gosh! We did it! I did it! I really did it, un!" the blond cheered happily.

The redhead chuckled and returned the hug. "Yes, you did."

Realizing how close he was, Deidara pulled out of the embrace quickly with a deep blush. "Sorry," he smiled embarrassed, "I got excited…"

"It's alright. I don't mind," the redhead admitted. The blond only seemed to blush further at this, so Sasori continued their game. In the end, Sasori had murdered the other with his odd, yet superior bowling skills, but the one strike the blond did get was more than enough of an accomplishment. Before the redhead ended their date, the two went to rest at the food court downstairs and had a shake.

Deidara sipped at his shake happily, oblivious to the redhead's staring until he heard the slightest chuckle come from the man. "Something funny?" he asked, the straw still between his lips.

Sasori smirked, "You're quite the bright light under UV."

The blond blinked before looking down at himself and laughing, "You're one to talk."

"It's the sweater, isn't it?" the redhead chuckled. "Maybe Temari was right about it," he thought aloud more to himself.

"Right about what?"

Sasori gave a small fond smile, "My daughter. She hates this sweater - says it's the most hideous thing she's ever seen."

Deidara gasped, "Nuh-uh! It's not ugly at all!"

"That's what I told her!"

The blond laughed, "Well, I like it, un. I think you look great in it."

Sasori chuckled, "At least someone likes it. I'll have to rub it in her face later." His smile slowly fell into a nervous purse of his lips. He really was having a great time with Deidara, but it was time for him to ask the questions he had on his mind. After all, he didn't want to end up with a broken heart or worse - sitting in jail. "I have to ask," he started.

Deidara tilted his head to the side slightly, "Un?"

"Why me? You could've messaged someone closer to your age and without all of the baggage."

The blond tsked him and gave him a small smile. "You shouldn't call your kiddos _baggage._ I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate that. But, to answer your question, I honestly thought you were attractive and sounded interesting. Turns out, I was right."

The redhead still didn't smile. "Maybe I should've asked the other question first."

"Hm?"

"How old are you?"

Deidara made a confused face and snorted, "I told you-"

Sasori shook his head, "No, I want you real age, Deidara."

"Hah, wh-what do you mean?"

The redhead gave a tense smirk, "I'm thirty-five and have kids. I know a kid when I see one."

The blond scowled, "If I'm a "kid" then why did you ask me out, huh?"

"I did that, because I had enough faith to trust you."

The blond's scowl turned into a guilty frown.

"Just tell me your real age, so I don't have to stress about asking out a minor."

Deidara snorted at the statement, but one look at the redhead's face made him serious again. "Sorry. I'm legal, un."

Sasori pursed his lips, "Age."

The blond sighed and grumbled shakily under his breath, "N-Nineteen."

The redhead, while he was somewhat at ease stared in shock and contemplation. When the initial shock was over, he spoke to the boy once more. "Which brings me back to my first question. Why?"

Deidara bit his bottom lip, "Please, don't get mad. You have to promise to not get mad and listen to everything I have to say. Please."

Sasori nodded.

"Promise."

The redhead rolled his eyes, "I promise."

The blond smiled sadly and distracted himself with the bottom of his glass. "Well, it started out as a game. My friend and I made a bet on how many guys we could get to send us dick pics, un. We could wait for them to message us or we could message them first. I didn't want to lose to him, so I sent out a few messages to the first guys I saw. You were on the list, so I figured you were just another horny, desperate gay guy, un." He glanced up quickly and then looked back down avoiding the redhead's piercing glare.

"B-But when you actually messaged back and we started talking, I honestly did think you were interesting. The bet wasn't supposed to go anything further from the pictures, so when you asked me out I got kinda scared and my friend to tag along. And he did! Up until the middle of dinner! He sent me a text and up and left!" the blond grumbled. "I'm glad I said yes though. I had a lot of fun. I wish I was older now. I don't care if you have kids, un. I don't see why it'd be a problem at all. It just makes you a hot dilf, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to date someone who's only a bit older than your kids."

Sasori sat in silence, taking in all of the new information. "Is there anything else?" he asked.

Deidara thought for a moment, "I'm actually a student at Konoha university, but everything else I've been honest about."

The redhead nodded, "Alright. Since your friend left you, I'm guessing you'll need a ride home? Not that I wasn't going to offer anyways."

The blonde frowned and gave a silent nod.

The car drive was a quiet one, as neither one had nothing more to say to each other. It was only when they reached the blond's apartment complex, that Sasori spoke up. Right as the blond had opened the door, he gently grabbed his arm - stopping him. "Wait. I need to discuss one more thing."

Deidara blinked and closed the door. "Un?"

"Thank you," Sasori smiled. "Firstly, you should definitely be more careful with the people you talk to online. You are very attractive and had I been some creepy pervert, your life would've been over. Your friend is a complete idiot for leaving you, and you're an idiot for saying yes to me."

"You're the one who asked," the blond huffed. "What's that make you?"

"An idiot for actually believing that your baby face was actually twenty-seven."

Deidara humphed, "Ouch."

Sasori rolled his eyes and continued, "Secondly, I honestly wouldn't mind another date with you - despite the major age gap." He nearly laughed at the shocked blond. "Tonight was the most fun I've had in years. Granted I've enjoyed my time with my kids, this was different. You were good company and… undeniably adorable. I didn't think I'd actually want to go on a second date, especially after finding out your real age, but… I've taken a liking to you more than I should've."

The blond couldn't contain his smile or blush. "I, ah, wasn't expecting this. I really thought you'd want nothing to do with me. I'd love to go on a second date, un!"

"Figures," the redhead chuckled. "You have to promise me something first."

"Anything!"

Sasori shook his head, "You really are a kid. Geez, okey. If you want a second date, you have to promise me that you'll end your little bet and delete your account."

Deidara nodded eagerly, "I can do that, but hey, you have to delete yours too!"

"Sure. I was going to delete it later this week anyways. My son only made me do this for his school project. Another thing, we can't tell anyone about this yet. We don't need to stir up any drama if we aren't serious about each other, understand?"

The blond nodded again.

Sasori smiled softly, "Good. Lastly, even if we don't work out, please don't do anything this stupid ever again. I'd hate to see your missing report on the news."

"Promise, un," the boy smiled.

"Alright. You should probably go now, so your friend knows that you made it home alive," the redhead joked.

Deidara laughed and opened the car door again. However, he didn't exit right away. Leaning over the console, the boy pressed a sweet kiss on the man's cheek. "Thanks for tonight. Can't wait for our next date~"

Well, at least the boy had some manners after all. Sasori wished the boy a good night and waited until he was safely inside the apartment complex to leave. When he finally got home, he found Kankuro still up on the couch. The other two were asleep on the floor under sheet tents. Sasori smiled at the sight and quietly stripped out his outer wear.

"How was the date?" his son asked with a wide grin.

The redhead gave a content sigh, "Interesting to say the least."

The teenager pouted, "That's not very detailed."

"Let's just say that you're going to have to babysit again sometime soon."


	4. Babysitting

It was too much.

Lots of bangin' and poundin' in this one.

Plus smooches.

Genre: Romance/Humor

Rated: T

Word Count: 3,843

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

"Dad, I don't understand why you can't just let me babysit…" Kankuro muttered bitterly. He followed his parent into the open bathroom, watching the male fix his hair and freshen up. "I've babysat a million times before!"

Sasori rolled his eyes, "I'm aware, but you've broken the rules and my trust in you. Don't you remember why I'm not letting you babysit? Does sneaking out ring a bell at all?"

Kankuro grumbled, "It was only like for ten minutes…"

The redhead glared lightly at his son, "While you were supposed to be babysitting and Temari told me it was more than just ten minutes."

The teenager huffed, "She was lying!"

The older male shook his head and sighed, "I'm not gonna argue about this any further, Kankuro. When Deidara gets here, you are-" The sound of the doorbell ringing alerted the family. "Ah, he's here. Right on time," the redhead smiled proudly. Practically running to the door, Sasori beat his children to the punch and opened it to reveal his young lover. He smiled and leaned down to give the blond a quick smooch. "Thanks for doing this."

Deidara kissed back happily and followed the redhead inside. He waved shyly to the children as they passed through the family room. The two youngest were sitting on the floor watching TV and snacking on what seemed to be pop-tarts. The blond rose an eyebrow, "I thought you said, I'd have to cook?"

Sasori hummed in question, before seeing his children. "Hey!" The one glance and word sent the kiddos running, snacks in hands. The redhead sighed, "Yes, I'd like you to." The redhead opened the door to his office and gathered his work supplies. "Kankuro is in his room. He's rather… upset at the moment. If you find out he has snuck out, send me a text and I'll take care of it when I get home."

The blond nodded and admired the redhead's butt as he bent over to collect his briefcase. "I'm sure he won't cause too much trouble, un."

"If only," the redhead sighed once more. "Alright, I have to get going now. You only need to feed them and make sure they get to bed on time. I know it's the weekend and they'll complain, but I don't want them staying up too late. You can stay over when I get home, if you want."

Deidara smiled, "That'd be awesome."

Sasori returned the gesture and gave him one last kiss. "Thank you. I'll see you in about eight or so hours."

The blond escorted the redhead out of his home and waved him goodbye. Once the older male had left, Deidara was alone with the man's three unpredictable children. Turning around, he bumped into a small person - Gaara. He smiled and before he could even breathe a word out the boy was gone. "Nevermind then," he muttered to himself. Mustering up all the courage he had in him, the blond shuffled around the house searching for the children.

While he had met the kiddos many times before, he had never spent time with them or even babysat them at all! Not that he would've minded - Sasori just had never asked until now. He sighed at the thought of his stressed lover. "Poor Daddy," he muttered to himself. Touring the home, he did manage to find Temari and Kankuro, however, Gaara was nowhere to be found! Coming back to Temari's room, he asked the girl for some help.

"He's probably hiding again," she said boredly. Her eyes never left her phone as she spoke, "He has this secret hiding spot, but none of us have been able to find it. Don't worry about it too much. He won't leave the house - he knows better."

Deidara frowned, but nodded. Despite the girl's words, he felt uneasy about leaving the boy to his own devices. What if he got hurt or lost!? Sasori would never forgive him if his kid got hurt under Deidara's care. Like a good babysitter, the blond retoured the house once more. He had to find this kid at least once! "Gaara!" he called out. "Won't you come out, so I can at least know you're alive and well?"

He waited and listened. Nothing. Cursing the blond inspected the boy's room once more. "Gaara, please!" he pleaded. "If… If you come out you can have a snack instead of vegetables!" Sure, this wasn't the best tactic and surely Sasori wouldn't approve, but damn it he needed to find the boy!

"What kind of snack?"

Deidara nearly jumped out of his skin and turned around violently. He stared down wide eyed at the boy. The little redhead didn't make a sound at all! "Gaara!"

"What kind of snack?" the boy repeated his question.

The blond let out a breath of relief. "Whatever you want, un. I'm just glad that I-"

"I want a cookies," Gaara demanded. "The kind daddy makes."

Deidara bit his bottom lip, "Uh, well did your dad make some?"

"No."

The blond could've beat his head against the wall, but decided that that wouldn't be the best of ideas. "Well… how about we drive to store to get some?"

Gaara stood quietly.

Deidara grew worried.

Finally. "Okey."

The blond beamed at the acceptance. "Alright! It's settled then! Go get your sister and let her know. I'll get your big brother."

Gaara nodded and ran through the door sounding like a herd of elephants. "TEMARI WE'RE GOING TO THE STOOORE!"

This baffled the college student in more ways than one. How could such a quiet kid become loud within the next few seconds!? Shaking his head on it, Deidara walked past the little boy banging on his sister's door. As he reached Kankuro's door, he could hear the loud death metal playing from behind it. He sighed in nostalgia - he remembered his death metal days. Ah, the good old high school days. Pounding the door with his fist, he tried to alert the teenager before entering. He honestly hated it when his parents busted in on him and knew the boy probably did too. Kankuro was at that age and, let's be honest, masturbation is a big part of the growing teenage years. Or it was for him anyways. Realizing what he just thought, Deidara made sure to catalogued that thought into the ' _I should not being thinking of that'_ thought folder.

"What do you want?" Kankuro snapped.

Deidara blinked, surprised. Had the brunet been standing there the whole time? "Sorry," the blond smiled in apology. "We're going to the grocery store. Normally, I'd tell you that you stay, but Sasori would probably get mad at me."

"And we wouldn't that to happen," the teenager said sarcastically. "I'm not going."

The blond huffed, "C'mon, Kankuro, it's not the end of the world. You don't exactly have a choice-"

"What? You gonna drag me out of the house?"

Deidara glared, "Seriously? If you didn't want to be babysat that badly, you shouldn't have disobeyed your dad, un."

Kankuro glared back. "And you're not my dad, so you can't make me do anything."

"Why're you making this harder than it needs to be? Your siblings are ready-"

"I don't care."

"Well you should!" Deidara snapped. "You should be thankful that I haven't dragged your ass out yet!"

Kankuro crossed his arms, "I should be thankful? You're the one who should be thankful," he hissed. "I'm the entire reason why you get dick every other night."

The blond's face lit up in embarrassment and rage. "How can you even say something like that, un!?" He groaned as he heard the other two children start to get restless. "Oh my god, can we please just go already. Stop acting like a stubborn brat!"

"You're not even that much older than me, so who're you calling brat, you brat!"

"Hey! Only your dad can call me that!" the blond snapped.

Kankuro's nose scrunched up, "Ew."

The blond nearly gaped at the boy, "You literally just made a comment about us having sex a minute ago. How is him calling me brat in any way disgusting?" At the sound of something falling and breaking Deidara facepalmed hard. "Look," he groaned, "just come with us to the store and I'll… uh, I'll buy you a new video game or something."

The brunet's face relaxed, before he begrudgingly agreed. "Fine. Only if you buy me a new game."

Deidara nodded, "Yes, let's go now, please!" The blond ushered the boy out of his room and collected all the kids into his car after locking up. When he turned around from locking the front doors, he found the kids all staring at his car. "What? She's unlocked. Go ahead and get in."

"It looks like death," Kankuro stated blandly.

Temari nodded, "Are you sure you're a good driver?"

"Daddy's car is a lot nicer..." Gaara mumbled.

Deidara huffed and put his hands on his hips, "Oh, come on! She's a great car!" The blond walked up to his baby and gave her a good pat on her hood. "Ol' Becca here has got me around since my highschool days, un!"

"Which wasn't too long ago," the teenager muttered.

"Becca?" the girl asked in disgust.

"Can we go now?" the little redhead complained.

Deidara sighed and ushered the children in. "Yeah, yeah. Let's go." He gave his car one last pat. "You still mean a lot to me, girl."

In no time - with the children screaming in fear in the back - they reached the grocery store. Gaara was the first one out of the car. The blond had to actually hold onto the boy's hand to make sure he didn't go running off into the middle of traffic. "Alright, I have only one rule. _Behave_."

All three kids nodded.

"Good," Deidara smiled actually believing the children.

It was once they reached the doors and stepped foot into the building that Deidara realize he had been fooled. Gaara and Temari had nodded at each other before running off in opposite directions. Deidara panicked and tried to grab them, but fell short. "Damn it!" he cursed. Grabbing a car as quickly as he could, he chased after Gaara, considering he was a hider and was damn good at it. "Kankuro, find Temari!" he yelled back at the teenager before disappearing behind an aisle.

The teenager sighed and rolled his eyes. HIs family and his dad's lover were embarrassing. Following the path that Temari took, Kankuro found the girl examining a box of cereal. "While, I admit it's kind of funny making Deidara work harder than necessary, it's also really embarrassing to be seen with you guys. Let's go find him and Gaara." He reached out and grabbed her shoulder.

Temari growled, "No way, loser!" With all the might of a thirteen year old, the girl stomped on the boy's foot, blew him a raspberry, and then ran off.

Kankuro swore and wiped the spit from his face. "You little-!" He chased after her to the other aisle only to crash into someone. "Shit, sorry-"

"Kankuro? Dude!" the guy laughed. "We thought you couldn't make it tonight?"

The teenager blinked and stared at his friends. "Oh, shit, hey. What're you guys doing here?"

"We're picking up booze for the party," his friend grinned. "We got Rin's older brother to buy it for us."

"No shit?" Kankuro asked. "W-Wait? Rin is going to the party?"

"Hell yeah. So, are you coming after all?"

Kankuro frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, "Ugh, I wish I could. Dad busted me and grounded me."

His other friend rolled his eyes, "C'mon, you're seventeen now. That's almost eighteen. Groundings are for babies!"

"That's what I told him!" the teeanger groaned. "It's fucking stupid."

"Then just ditch and skip with us!" his pal grinned. "You already made it to the grocery store. Why're you even here, man?"

Kankuro rolled his eyes, "That's the problem. My dad got Deidara to babysit."

"Deidara? Who's-"

"There you are!" the blond sighed. "I finally found Temari and Gaara. We're all ready to check out. Did you want anything, un?"

Kankuro shook his head, "I'm fine. Can you just… check out? Gimme a sec to talk with the guys?"

Deidara bit his lip unsure.

"I swear I won't run off," he rolled his eyes.

The blond grumbled but complied and left the group of teeangers.

Kankuro sighed and turned back to his friends. The reaction he received was not expected. All the guys were grinning like the Cheshire cat. He blinked, "What?"

"Duuude! The babysitter is hot as fuck!"

"Yeah, no wonder you don't really care about coming. You're gonna bone the babysitter."

Kankuro blanched, "No, guys-"

His friends snickered and some even proceed to hump the air, mocking the poor teenager. "Get some, Kankuro!" they joked.

"Damn, she was fine."

"No, you guys don't understand-"

His friend patted him on the back, "Older too, huh? College maybe?"

"Yes, but we're not-"

A chorus of "daaayuuum" followed.

"Guys, Deidara isn't-"

With laughter and cheers, the friends waved Kankuro off and wished him good luck with the hot babe.

"a girl…" he muttered finally. With a sigh, he shook his head and found the blond just as they finished checking out. This was definitely something he'd be hearing about for weeks. "Why do you have to look so much like a chick?" Kankuro complained as he rushed out the doors.

Deidara huffed, "What'd I do?"

* * *

When they got home, Deidara was quick to make dinner. Sadly, Deidara wasn't much of a cook, so the food turned out burnt. The food was so badly burnt that none of them could even stomach it down - even with cookies to chase it! In the end, the blond called a nearby pizza place and they all enjoyed a tasty cheese pizza. It was over the course of dinner that Deidara actually felt welcome. The kids were really opening up to him. Hell, even Kankuro was talking to him nicely!

After eating and hour of lounging about, Deidara put the kids - Temari and Gaara rather - to bed. Kankuro was definitely old enough to make his own sleeping decisions, but the blond made sure to check up on him. If the boy did manage to sneak out, he didn't want to get in trouble with Sasori either. Luckily enough, Kankuro was just watching a movie on netflix.

Since the kids were all mostly asleep, Deidara decided to take this time to freshen up a bit. He knew the chances of Sasori actually doing anything with him tonight were about .0000001%, but he felt like getting dolled up anyways. He could careless if he woke up with makeup smeared all over his face - although Sasori would throw a fit about his pillows. The blond snorted at the thought. What an old man. Either way, the blond took a quick shower and reapplied his makeup with his readily available makeup kit conveniently kept at Sasori's. Unbeknownst to Deidara, a certain little redhead had snuck out of bed and was spying on the babysitter - curious as to what he was doing.

Little Gaara really didn't understand what makeup was. While he had seen it painted on his mom's face and occasionally Temari, he had never seen it be applied. It was surprise to see Deidara without his makeup. He had never seen the blond without it. Gaara slipped through the door and crawled to the bed - hiding under it. Even though he was six, he was still rather petite. Shuffling as quietly as he could. Thankfully, his dad kept everything neat and tidy, so he didn't have to worry about hitting any junk underneath. Poking his head out just a little, Gaara was able to see the blond from behind. Seeing the process of makeup being put on was not possible though. Looking around, he found that he'd be able to view from the closet doors a lot better. With steps quieter than a ninja, Gaara crawled, rolled, then slipped into the closet.

Deidara stopped applying his foundation when he heard the slightest creak. Looking around for a moment, he tried to find the source. Nothing. Shaking it off, Deidara went back to his makeup.

Gaara let out a silent sigh and wiped the nonexistent sweat from his forehead. He had nearly got caught! Cracking open the door just a little, he watched with curious eyes at what the blond did next.

Digging around in the makeup bag, Deidara tried to locate his eyebrow trimmer. Frowning when he couldn't find it, he ended up taking the razor from Sasori's master bath. He didn't like using actual razors on his beautiful brows, but without his trimmer, plucking alone would be a bitch. He'd just use it for the shape.

The redhead watched in fascination. He had never seen his dad do that with the razor! The only time he had seen his dad use that was on his face. He also used this white cream that often looked like a shorter version of Santa's beard. How come Deidara wasn't using it?

After fixing up his eyebrows, he reached for a small black bottle. He couldn't help but smirk at the perfect wings he created. If more jobs relied on his skill for making perfect eyeliner wings then he'd probably have a better job. Unfortunately, the real world just doesn't work that way. Oh, well. To finish up his look, he searched for his seductive lip gloss. He'd at least get a some smooches tonight and this particular lip gloss was just perfect for that!

Having finished his makeup, Deidara switched off the light and left the room. Waiting for the descending steps to diminish, Gaara slowly crept out once he was gone. He quickly ran to the light switch as if the dark would eat him and was relieved when the room lit up before he was taken by whatever lurked in the dark. Dragging the nearby footrest, Gaara propped the piece of furniture against the dresser. He climbed up and pulled out everything Deidara had used to make his face. This would be fun!

Within a matter of minutes, Gaara had transformed from regular old Gaara to super chiche Gaara - or at least to whatever he thought was equal to chiche. The redhead smugly grinned at his reflection. He looked even better than Deidara! Perhaps he should go to the blond and show him how the professionals did it.

Gaara walked with confidence as he stepped down the stairs. Leaning over the railing, he could already see Deidara sitting on the couch on his laptop. Squinting, Gaara could make out that the blond was looking at underwear. What a weirdo. "Why're you looking at undies?" he asked, sneaking up behind the blond.

"Oh my god! Gaara!" Deidara quickly shut his computer and whipped around. "Oh my god, Gaara!" he shrieked again. "What the hell did you do to your face, un!?"

The little redhead frowned, "I painted it pretty like you. You don't like it?"

Deidara opened his mouth to try and say something. No words could express his thoughts on the boy's new look. He had an unreasonable amount of foundation on - most of it uneven and made the boy sickly pale. Then there was the eyeliner. Least to say, the redhead looked like he was really into the emo look or thought that raccoons had the right idea. Deidara prayed for his eyeliner. Finally there was the biggest shocker of all. The boy's eyebrows - they were completely gone! The blond couldn't help but stare in horror. Clearing his throat, Deidara fumbled with his words. "It's, uh… You did a good job. The heart was a nice touch… Uh, your dad might be a little upset about the eyebrows though…"

Gaara frowned and rubbed his shaven brow space. "I messed up, so I tried to fix it… Will daddy be mad at me?"

The blond gave the boy a small smile, "It's alright. They'll grow back. Your dad won't get mad at you. I promise."

The little redhead nodded.

"Let's get you cleaned up and tucked back in bed though. Your dad will be mad if you aren't asleep when he gets home." Deidara then whipped out his phone. "But first, why don't we take a picture, so your dad can see as well."

"Good idea!"

After the picture, Gaara raced up the stairs to the bathroom. Deidara sighed. Any small chance he had at getting laid was completely gone.

Later that night, a quarter after twelve, Sasori returned home. The poor man was exhausted and carelessly left his stuff by the door - he could get it in the morning. All he wanted to do was sleep. Glancing at the couch, he smiled. The blond was curled up, sleeping in a ball. The redhead found the remote to the tv and shut it off. Bending down, he slipped his arms beneath the blond and picked him up bridal style. Despite his best efforts to let the boy continue sleeping - he woke up. The blond wrapped his arms around the redhead and curled up closer to his chest.

"About time," Deidara muttered into his neck.

Sasori hummed and carried the blond up to his room. Once inside, he laid the blond down and closed the door softly. He could hear the boy sit up to watch him as he changed out of his work clothes. Slipping on some night pants, he couldn't help but chuckle when the blond let out a whine of protest. He was about to put on a shirt, but stopped when the blond pouted.

Turning off the lights, he crawled into bed next to the blond. "You're such a baby, brat." He pulled the boy close and kissed him on the forehead. "Why're you wearing makeup? You're gonna ruin my pillows…"

Deidara yawned and shrugged, "I look pretty, don't I?"

"You always look pretty."

The blond smiled and kissed the man on the lips. "Pretty enough to kiss, un?~"

Sasori complied and kissed back. "Of course."

"More, please," Deidara demanded.

"We're both tired-"

"I wore my special gloss for you."

"Dei-"

"Until I fall asleep, un."

Sasori pursed his lips - ignoring the kisses Deidara gave him. He then sighed and gave in. "Until you fall asleep."

Deidara smiled into the kiss. "You're the best, Danna. Love you."

"I love you too, you adorable brat."

* * *

The next morning had been eventful. While Deidara spent most of the night making out with his lover, he forgot all about the Gaara incident. To say Sasori was surprised was an understatement. The only words that Sasori could form was "Where are your eyebrows?" Least to say, Gaara was prohibited from touching anything razor like from that day forward.


	5. DAMN DADDY

Only because chaann asked so nicely.

Warning: this chapter contains Hidan and a lame end

Genre: Romance/Humor

Rated: T/M

Word Count: 3355

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

Deidara groaned as he threw himself onto his bed. It was a nice Saturday afternoon and he had nothing better to do. The blond had slept all morning and when he woke up, he texted his lover to see if they could do anything. This proved to be useless. Apparently, Sasori had promised his kids that he'd spend the day with all of them. He invited the blond to come along, but the younger declined. Deidara didn't want to intrude even if he was welcomed - it just didn't sit right with him. He wasn't the only person in Sasori's life after all. The man had kids he had to take care of and love. Deidara refused to be a selfish lover.

Outside the room, the blond could hear the faint sounds of yelling growing closer. He sighed as he knew what was to come. He could just barely make out some of the rambling.

" _Fuck you! … No! Fuck you, you asshole!"_ Angry stomping and cursing. Then… " _See if I let you fuck this ass again, piece of shit!"_ They were closer to the door. There was a crash of what may have been a table or chair from the hall and then the door swung open. "And you can eat a fucking sandpaper dildo!"

"Good morning, Hidan," Deidara sighed as the silver haired male slammed the door shut.

The cranky male looked over at his roommate with an annoyed look. "It's the middle of the damn afternoon, blondie."

"Whatever," the blond mumbled and rolled onto his stomach. "How was the club, un?"

Hidan groaned and started stripping off his clothes in front of the blond, not really caring if he saw anything. Once naked, he began looking around for something vaguely clean to wear. "Absolute shit," he huffed. "Even getting to the club was hell! I had to fucking blow some guy for a ride, but like he had the micro-est of micropenises. It seriously sucked."

Deidara snorted in laughter, "Literally."

His albino roommate glared at him for a moment then proceeded to sniff articles of clothing. "Anyways, I finally get to the damn place and it's hella packed."

"It was a Friday night, what'd you expect?"

"Shut up," Hidan huffed. He finally found some clean pants and just slid them on. "So I eventually get in, but the place was crowded with stupid couples! Can you believe that shit!? Fucking couples! How am I supposed to get a decent lay if everyone is already together?"

Deidara chuckled and shook his head, "Sounds rough."

Hidan made a sound of exclamation as he finally found his loose fitting shirt. It was kinda smelly though. Eh, nothing a little cologne couldn't fix. "So, I just linger around the bar and have some shitty drinks, cause I'm broke as fuck. Finally my night is made - this guy starts buying me drinks. The expensive ones, like top shelf ones."

"Then he starts flirting with you and he takes you back home, un," the blond continued for him.

"Exactly," the albino nodded. "Turns out he's a fucking student here too. Lives down the damn hall for Jashin's sake! Anyways, we totally fucked, but he was such a little bitch about it. Kept complaining about how he didn't want to be bottom, so I let him top. We're just about to go when he starts bitching about how the position was uncomfortable. We had to switch positions about seven times before he finally even did anything."

Deidara laughed and sat up, interested in his friend's tale. "What position?"

"The lamest one."

"Missionary?"

Hidan rolled his eyes, "Ugh, yes. He wasn't into any of my kinks. It was seriously the lamest fuck ever." Dousing himself in cologne he turned to his friend. "Then he had the balls this morning to tell me that I was fucking ugly and he couldn't believe he fucked me. Like, seriously bitch? I only had sex with him, cause he bought me drinks. He wasn't even remotely attractive."

The blond covered the lower half of his face to avoid choking on the overwhelming smell of Axe. Reaching over to his bedside table, he switched on the fan. "I keep telling you, Hidan. If you want to find someone super into you, you should probably look into actually dating. Why not start using grindr again, un? I mean look where it landed me."

Hidan snorted, "Yeah right. I don't want to date an old man with five kids."

Deidara pouted and crossed his arms in offense. "First off, Sasori isn't an old man and secondly, he only has three. You just don't know what you're missing out on. DILFs are totally in."

"Oh yeah? What's so great about them, huh?" Hidan said jabbing a finger at the blond. "Tell me all about the magical world of dating a dad."

The blond grinned, "Gladly. First of all, _daddy kink_. Mm yes, Deidara likey very much."

Hidan rolled his eyes, "You're so weird."

"Secondly, DILFs are everything college boys aren't. They're real _men_. They don't have time to be playing games. Dating a DILF means no more fuckboys, un. If you had slept with a DILF last night, he would've treated you right. They're mature and smart. Even if he decided he didn't want to see you again, you wouldn't even be mad about it."

"Sounds boring, to be honest."

Deidara stuck his tongue out. "They're a lot more attractive than college guys too. More than physically attractive, un. They know what they like and are experienced, but they aren't afraid to explore. Before getting with me, Sasori didn't even know what roleplaying was. Let me tell you," the blond laughed as if he was recalling a funny memory, "he's way too into it now. Like, he gets really into it. Although, I'm still working on the daddy thing. I'll get him to spank me yet," he sighed.

"Gross."

"Look, dating a dad honestly is great. His kids are great and… they make me feel like family." Deidara smiled fondly.

Hidan pursed his lips, "Kids are too much work. Why the hell would you want to raise kids anyways? You're only nineteen. Do you really wanna play mommy for these kids?"

Deidara frowned, "It's not like that. I'm not their mother, nor will I ever be. I know that and they do too."

The albino rolled his eyes lazily. "Yeah, whatever. This conversation is getting boring as shit. Let's do something instead."

The blond pouted, "Fine. What do you wanna do then?"

"I don't fucking know. Let's go to the mall or some shit. I need to buy some new tanks anyways."

"Oh! We can get froyo on the way, un! I have coupons!" The blond exclaimed excitedly. "I'll drive!"

Hidan snorted, "You're the one with the car, dumbass."

Sticking his tongue out, Deidara blew a raspberry in his roommate's face before snatching some clean clothes and running into the bathroom. He narrowly avoided a tackle from an ex-football player. Turns out he didn't need to hang out with Sasori after all. He had a friend instead. Yeah! He could easily spend a day without his lover.

* * *

Since it was a Saturday, the mall was filled to the brim with people. While the roommates didn't live in a very big city, the only thing to do in the city - besides bowling or a movie - was to go to the mall. It was after getting some frozen yogurt, that they pushed past the sea of people and tried to shop.

"For Jashin's sake, did everyone and their mother come today?"

Deidara rolled his eyes and avoided bumping into another person. "It's Saturday, so yes everyone and their mother is here."

Hidan groaned. He nearly pushed someone into a nearby wall, but held back. He led his friend through the maze of people and took him to a special kind of store. "I need to buy a new one and hey - maybe you could get something for you and your old man can play with."

The blond felt his face turn a bright red as they entered the department. Deidara was no blushing virgin, but a sex toy shop was new for him. He had never used a toy on himself. Although, he wondered if Sasori would be into it.

"C'mon blondie, you aren't a chicken are you?"

Deidara sighed and took his first steps into the shop. Do this for Hidan and then they could do some actual shopping. "Fine. What do you even need, un?" He asked under his breath. Avoiding the gaze of other shoppers and store clerks, he ran up to his friend and tried to seem disinterested.

"Something to keep myself entertained," the albino shrugged. "Now that you got a boyfriend, I get all lonely at night. Nobody to keep me company," he sighed sadly.

The blond let out a small laugh. "Maybe you should get a boyfriend too. Hell, maybe even a girlfriend if you want."

Hidan gave his own kind of pout. It was a look of constipation and a cranky grandpa. A constipated, cranky grandpa. "How am I gonna find a lady who would want to bone me sometimes?"

"I'm sure there is someone out there." Deidara patted his friend on the back.

After Hidan found something satisfying, he was dragged to a rather cutesy store which made him gag and want to puke. He followed his friend straight to the underwear rack, just ignoring the odd stares. He certainly didn't look like he belonged in this kind of store, but Deidara certainly did. "Why this place? Everyone probably thinks I'm your punk boyfriend."

Deidara laughed and brushed him off. "And I had to look like your innocent girlfriend back at the other store." He held up a pair of underwear, "What does this say to you?"

Hidan gave him a blank stare, "Blonde slut?"

The blond puffed his cheek and put the silky fabric back. "What underwear would you choose then?"

The albino raised an eyebrow and began to sift through the panties. Surprisingly he found himself finding one's he liked. "Hey… how do you know what size to get?"

The blond looked at his friend in shock before joyously helping him out. "Oh my gosh! We can be panty buddies, un!" He immediately began pulling out several different colors which he described as being "his shade" and overwhelmed the poor, curious Hidan.

It took nearly the rest of the day, but Deidara and Hidan had managed to finish shopping. Hidan announced soon after that they needed to eat, because like any other college boy, he was starving. Deidara, who was getting pretty hungry himself, agreed and followed the albino to the food court.

"You seriously know how to wear a guy out, blondie," Hidan sighed as he sat down with a food tray in hand.

Deidara gave a lazy smirk, "And we didn't even have sex."

Hidan chortled as he shovelled food in his mouth. At the sound of shrieking children from behind him, the albino cringed. "This is why I hate kids," he hissed. "Too damn loud." He turned around in his chair and glared back at the carousel some tables behind them. Glaring all around at the kids, his eyes swept over the area before settling on the most perfect ass - even better than his own! He checked the male up and down and waited for him to rise to his full height. Hidan was nearly drooling. Then he saw that the guy had a little brat with him. As much as he wanted to cringe and say the guy wasn't attractive, but damn... "Dei… oh, fuck me! Dei!" The albino whipped around and grabbed the blond's attention. "I think I get what you mean! I think I find a dad attractive, dear Jashin, help me."

The blond sputtered in laughter. "Oh? Point him out! What's he look like?"

Hidan leaned out of the way and pointed discreetly. "You see the dark skinned guy with the dark hair."

"Oo, the one with the green eyes," Deidara grinned.

"Yeah, him. Right next to him. To the left."

Deidara blinked in surprised and look over like instructed. At the sight, he was even more surprised.

"He has the most perfect ass, am I right?"

The blond laughed, "Uh, yeah."

"I'd totally tap that," he grinned. "Man, Dei, how'd you do it? Should I just go up there and flirt the guy up. I mean, I don't look like a little kid like you."

Deidara rolled his eyes, "How do you even know he's gay?"

"Do you see those dad jeans? They're like gay dad jeans. Too tight to be regular dad jeans and - holy shit that package."

The blond had to bite his lip to hold back the laughter. "Wow, Hidan. I've never seen you so into a guy."

Hidan sighed, "Maybe I should approach him?"

Immediately the blond felt threatened. There was no reason to, but his jealous bitch side took over. "I don't think so, un."

"Huh?" The albino scrunched his face up in confusion. "What do you fucking mean ' _I don't think so, un.'_?"

Deidara shrugged, acting like he couldn't care. "You're not his type."

Hidan clicked his tongue, "Like you'd fucking know!"

"I do! I can tell! He likes them cute, not brutish, un."

The albino crossed his arms, "Oh yeah? Fucking prove it." Hidan smirked, "Go up there and put the moves on the guy."

Deidara stood up with a huff and a snarky smirk. "I will." Flipping his hair out like the sassy bitch he was, the blond strode up to the DILF with confidence.

Hidan watched from afar, eyes squinting in concentration. The blond approached the dad and smiled all pretty up at him. A smile that usually got the blond free drinks at the club - Hidan needed to work on his own. The older man looked confused before Deidara grabbed the man by his face and pulled him to a kiss. The albino was shocked for a lack of better words.

With what seemed to be a triumphant smirk, the blond bounced over to Hidan proudly.

"What the fuck was that!?" Hidan yelled, alerting the people around them. He didn't even mind the mothers scowling and ushering their children away.

Deidara licked his lips, "A kiss, un. I smooth talked him and then gave him a quick smooch."

"I saw that. You only talked to him for like a fucking second!" Hidan couldn't help, but laugh, "But this means you cheated on your current daddy with another one! HA, jokes on you, blondie!"

The blond rolled his eyes and was about to retort with a sassy quip when his friend pointed in surprise.

"He's coming back over here!"

Deidara snickered, "It's rude to point, Hidan. Let him come over here, un. Bet he just wants another kiss." He stuck out his tongue. "Told you that you weren't his type."

"You-"

"Brat," the older man sighed as he reached the table, "what was that all about? Gaara got excited when he saw you and then started to cry his eyes out when you ran back."

Deidara gasped and stood up from his chair, "Awh, shit. I'm sorry, Danna! I didn't mean to make him cry."

Hidan squinted at the pair. "Brat… Danna…?" It took him a moment to process the info. Deidara often referred to his old man lover as Danna… What was his real name again? Sassy? Saucy? Saki? Didn't matter, he decided. Deidara was a slut for not showing him this guy earlier! "You slut, Dei!"

The blond turned in surprise, "Huh?"

Sasori glared harshly at the albino.

"You…" Realization hit Hidan. Deidara totally played him with this guy. "You fucking slut! You pulled the damned blanket over my head!"

Deidara shook his head with a laugh, "What? That's not the expression at all-"

"Like I give a fuck! What the hell? I thought we were besties!"

The redhead pursed his lips, "Is this the guy who you played that dick pic game with?"

Hidan gasped, "You told him about me. Blondie, I'm touched."

Deidara rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, yeah. You never got to meet him, Danna. This is Hidan, my best friend. Hidan, this is Sasori, un."

Sasori stuck out his hand, expression still cross. "Nice to meet you." His grip, as they shook, tightened to the point his knuckles went white and Hidan's fingers popped. It was only a few seconds, but the redhead meant to get his point across. "Hey, Dei, would you mind going to see Gaara? He's still upset."

Deidara nodded, "You don't mind, do you Hidan?"

The albino grinned, "Go ahead, blondie."

The blond smiled and kissed the redhead quickly and raced over to the carousel.

Suddenly, Hidan was shaken as a hand slammed itself on the table. He looked up to see the most sexiest glare of his life. The redhead was pissed and Hidan finally understood why Deidara was into older men. They had this fire in them, better than any college boy.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't call him a slut. I don't care if you're joking or not."

Hidan chuckled, "My bad, man, but you have to admit, he can be a total bitch sometimes."

The glare intensified, sending chills down Hidan's spine. "Listen up, you little punk. I don't like you. I know you and Deidara are roommates and "best friends", but if you put him in any danger or get him in any trouble I will personally kick your ass," the redhead growled protectively.

"Sasori, the kiddos say they want to go home now," Deidara stated as he approached the two with a small Gaara in his arms. "And how come you're still over here? Hidan, are you still thinking about putting the moves on him?"

Before Sasori could say anything, Hidan interrupted him with a laugh. "Nah, firecrotch over here was just telling me about what a good boyfriend you were."

"Awh, Danna, you're too sweet," Deidara smiled, believing the albino. "I'm glad you two are getting along, I was worried Hidan's personality would be too much. Ah, this is the best!"

Sasori smiled a tense smile and glanced over his beaming lover. His sight then shifted to the albino punk. The kid had the balls to grin happily at him. The redhead felt his eye twitch.

"I'll come by later tonight, un," Deidara said as he handed Gaara over to his father. "I have to take Hidan back." He gave Sasori one last kiss before nudging his friend to get up.

The albino smirked and wrapped an arm around the blond, giving his shoulder a good squeeze. "Don't worry, Saucy. Deidara's in good hands with his best friend." Turning them around, he led Deidara away, the blond waving goodbye eagerly behind them.

Sasori stood with his kid, facial expression set on irritated. From behind him, Kankuro whistled and chuckled, "Looks like you got some competition, pops." The redhead slowly turned to look at his son. "Kankuro…"

"Yeah…?"

"You're not helping," He snapped. "Let's go." Rushing ahead, Sasori left his two older kids behind in his dust carrying his youngest son like he was nothing more than a shopping bag.

Kankuro and Temari couldn't help but laugh. Life was about to get even more interesting.


	6. Family pt 1

Sad and heartwarming - was gonna wait to post this, but then I remembered that I'm not going in chronological order. Hah.

Genre: Family/Saaaad

WARNING: some naughty words and minor sexual content hinted at

Rated: ?

Word Count: 4824

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

It was a hot mid-afternoon, the sun was slowly descending. Groans and skin glistening with sweat were the one thing three children had in common for once. The oldest wore a disgruntled frown. He had earbuds in, trying to ignore the early summer heat. The middle child was groaning the loudest. She held her phone in many directions, but couldn't seem to find a signal anywhere. Lastly, the youngest was pouting. He mocked his sister, groaning and spinning in circles.

Beside the three children were two adults. The oldest man seemed to be fairing well with the temperature and not a single bead of sweat could be found on his freckled skin. The other male was mistified by this discovery. Surely the ginger would burn later. In an effort to cool off, the younger male had bundled his thick hair into a rather sloppy bun. However, it didn't help much. He could practically feel his makeup pouring off his face.

"Danna, it's hot," the blond finally complained to his lover.

Sasori glanced over at the male and raised an eyebrow. "What do you want me to do about it? Tell the sun to go away?"

Deidara rolled his eyes, "If only. What is taking her so long, un!?" He let out an annoyed groan and fanned his face with his hand.

"You're starting to sound like them," the redhead muttered, jabbing a thumb at his children. "Karura said she'd be here soon. Trust me, I actually hate having to wait for her more than you. She's always late."

The blond frowned, "But why did we have to meet at a bus station? Why couldn't she just, I dunno, come over to pick them up?"

Sasori shrugged in response and checked his watch once more. He too wished Karura would hurry up. It had been three months since she last had the kids. Apparently her business trip was too time consuming and adult for her children to join her. Not that Sasori didn't mind having his children around, but he was really looking forward to some quality time with Deidara.

It was finally after another ten minutes of complaining from his lover and kids that Karura showed up. At the sight of the small business car pulling up, all three children ran to it desperately craving the air conditioner. There was a small fight for the front seat as Kankuro and Temari pushed at each other, but the older male had the advantage and jumped in first. He proceeded to lock the doors causing a banshee-like scream to erupt from the small girl. Luckily enough, it didn't last long due to Karura unlocking the car and stepping out to talk with her ex-husband.

The redhead grabbed his children's bags - which they had abandoned for the cold car - and approached the trunk of the vehicle. His ex-wife met him there, unlocking it.

"It's good to see you again," she smiled at him.

Sasori gave a small smile back and nodded, "How was your trip?"

The woman gave an exhausted sigh and laughed, "Boring really. I wish the kids could've come, but they honestly wouldn't have liked it. Thank you for agreeing to watch them while I was away. I really appreciate it."

"Well, they are my children too…" Sasori muttered.

Karura held a tense smile, "I'm aware, Sasori. Anyways, they'll have fun this summer. I recently moved into Shizuoka and settled into Ito. We're pretty close to some tourist attractions, so I'm sure we can find something fun to do."

The redhead nodded, "I'm sure the kids would like the beach. Especially Gaara."

"Oh my gosh, yes!" the woman gushed. "Remember the first time we took the kids to the beach? It was just after Gaara's fifth birthday. Kankuro and you got sunburnt so bad you both looked like lobsters," she laughed.

Sasori laughed as well, "And Temari got seaweed tangled in her hair."

"Then baby Gaara built his sand castle to close to the tides…"

"And it washed away, so I helped him build one a bit further away."

Karura couldn't contain her giggles. "Still, the waves managed to knock it down! You were already so red in the face that you couldn't tell if you were angry or not."

As the two gushed over memories, one person remained in the background. Deidara awkwardly stood by himself, holding onto his arm like a self conscious schoolgirl. All of the heat he was feeling just moments before was all gone. He felt oddly cold. Seeing his lover and his ex-wife talking and laughing like that made him feel inferior. Sasori had been married to that woman for nearly fourteen years, so of course they'd have fun memories together. It was just hard to see them together like this. It looked normal. A man and wife of the same age with their children. They looked like they were getting ready for a family road trip or vacation. Deidara knew better, but he couldn't help but feel outcasted and sad.

It came out of nowhere, but suddenly he was in the spotlight. Sasori had somehow wound up next to him, pressing a hand on his back. "Like I said, it wasn't a big deal," the redhead continued. "The kids got to know Deidara a bit better anyways. They really like him."

Deidara felt his cheeks heat up at the comment. He knew that the redhead's kids already liked him, but he was sure that Sasori was emphasizing the point to Karura. The first time Deidara met her, she wasn't too fond of him. He chanced a look up at the woman.

Karura was still smiling, but it was tense. Deidara could tell that she still didn't really like him too much. "They're really cool kids, un. Gaara is a cutie, Temari is a fierce little lady, and Kankuro..." Deidara let out a small chuckle, "Kankuro can be just like Danna- ah I mean, Sasori sometimes. They make me feel apart of the family, un..." the blond smiled fondly.

There was a pregnant pause. Then Karura closed the trunk with a harsh click. "Right. Well, we better get going. We'll have to talk later, Sasori."

Deidara frowned and watched the woman completely blow him off by getting into the car. The kids in the back waved and Kankuro threw a peace sign. The blond sighed sadly and was pulled into a comforting, one-armed hug. He nuzzled into the older man's shoulder. As the two watched the woman drive away, Deidara muttered to his lover, "She really doesn't like me, huh?"

Sasori kissed the top of his lover's head. "Don't worry about what she thinks." The man began to lead the boy back to his car. "Why don't we go on a date, hm? I know you've been wanting to see that one movie."

The blond smiled, "Awh, we don't have to. I know you're probably tired from work the other night. You didn't get home until two in the morning. They're overworking my daddy, un~"

The redhead rolled his eyes with a smile. He was used to Deidara's daddy kink by now. "It's fine. Let's go see the movie."

"Okey," Deidara agreed happily.

"And Deidara?"

The blond glanced up at the older man. "Un?"

"I love you, so much."

Deidara blushed, "I love you too."

Sasori pressed a kiss to his lips, "And you should know very well that I'm gay. There's no need to worry about any left over feelings between me and Karura. The only good thing to come out of the entire relationship was my children."

The blond knew he shouldn't have been surprised that Sasori picked up on his mood earlier, but it was somehow still shocking every time. The redhead just read him like an open book. It made Deidara feel silly for having doubts or any other bad thoughts. Reaching up, the blond boy smooched the redhead again and intertwined their hands, dragging the male to his car. "Let's go see that movie, un!"

* * *

A dark room. A loud movie to cover up any noise. No big crowds of people. Up at the very top of the theater. What could come out of that?

Deidara sighed happily, dragging his fingers through his lover's red soft locks. They were only thirty minutes into the movie when it happened. The blond found himself trapped by the redhead - pinning him by his shoulder. Deidara couldn't help but look around, wondering if anyone could see them. No one was really paying attention. He felt the older man move in his seat. The blond assumed it'd be okey - after all there wasn't any children or elderly in the theater.

They were now an hour into the movie and Sasori was still asleep. The male must've been really tired to have fallen asleep in a public place. He was currently resting against Deidara's shoulder and despite the blond's urge to use the restroom, he stayed in his seat, so that Sasori remained asleep. Every once and awhile, the older man would let out a soft snore. It would cause a fit of giggles to escape the blond's throat - even when the movie got serious - and some would look up to see what he was laughing at.

When the movie did finally end, Deidara shook his lover awake. "C'mon, sleepyhead, movie's over."

Sasori stirred awake quite easily. He rose with alarm, as if Deidara had sent his kitchen ablaze. "Oh, shit, Dei-"

The blond smiled and kissed the redhead. "It's okey, Danna. I told you we should've gone back to your place. You're tired, un."

The redhead stood from his seat and stretched, "Not anymore. How about we get dinner, then we can go home."

Deidara laughed, "Sure thing. Just don't fall asleep in your food, old man."

Sasori rolled his eyes. He wasn't _that_ old. Not old enough to warrant old man status anyways.

"C'mon, grandpa! Let's get going, un!" Deidara called from below, having obviously left the redhead behind.

The older male glared at his bratty lover. Now "grandpa" was pushing it. He was honestly starting to miss the title daddy instead, which was saying a lot. "I'll show you who's a grandpa," he snapped back at the male. From below, Deidara stuck his tongue out and winked before making a mad dash out the theater. Sasori, feeling quite challenged, followed in hot pursuit. Oh, he was definitely awake now.

For dinner, Sasori took the two of them to a nice sushi bar. The two were seated almost immediately, joining the many other couples in the dining area. The place was mostly quiet - the only sound being the soft hum of music and small conversation. The couple sat across from each other and casually read over their menus.

"I was thinking maybe getting unadon, but katsudon sounds so much cooler. Then again, a bento box would be pretty good too. Maybe we should just order some sushi first then you could help me figure out?" the blond rambled on from behind his menu. "Ne, Danna, what're you getting, un?"

Sasori raised an eyebrow and glanced over the menu. "Huh, well, I'm not sure yet-" He paused when he felt his phone buzz against his thigh. Clicking his tongue, he reached for the phone and proceeded to shut it off.

Deidara saw this and tilted his head in confusion. "Who was it?"

The redhead shrugged, "Doesn't matter. It's date night and I've already screwed up the first quarter of it. I'm making sure that the rest of the night goes smoothly."

The younger male grinned and laughed, "How rebellious of you. I hope your date is worth neglecting your responsibilities."

"Oh, he is," Sasori smirked as he reached across the table to caress the boy's hand. "Especially when I get to bring him home to stay the night."

Deidara bit his bottom lip teasingly, "Sounds like someone is feeling a bit frisky, un."

Sasori watched the boy's lips carefully. "Well, it has been a while…"

"That it has," Deidara agreed. "Do you have the stamina to keep up, daddy?" he asked innocently enough.

The redhead smiled with a challenging glare, "I've more than enough, and tonight I'll fuck that attitude of yours right out of you."

The blond felt his cheeks heat up and his heart start racing. "Is that a promise, un?" he asked in a breathy tone.

Sasori held his smirk and squeezed the boy's hand.

Before things escalated, a waiter finally arrived at their table. The man, unaware of the heated conversation prior, interrupted the couple with the blond's original concern. "Are you two ready to order?"

The redhead nodded calmly, "I'll have the shrimp and vegetable tempura." The older male looked expectantly at his lover.

"And for you?" the waiter asked the flushed blond.

"I… ah," the blond cleared his throat, "uhm, I… er…"

Sasori chuckled and handed the waiter the menus. "He'll take the katsudon." Waving the waiter off, the redhead couldn't help but let out a more pronounced laugh. He took Deidara's hand in his own and brought it to his lips, kissing his knuckles softly. "You're cute when you get flustered," Sasori admitted.

Deidara fanned himself with his free hand. "I didn't expect you to say that, un. It was really, ha, hot," the boy grinned. "I'm holding you to that promise."

"I won't disappoint."

* * *

And disappoint he didn't. Much later that night, after a filling dinner and an impatient drive home, Sasori kept his promise of bed wrestling and attitude adjusting. The sheet tangling sessions didn't come to an end until around one in the morning. In the end, it was Deidara who had to push away the redhead and give in to lack of stamina. The redhead felt a sense of pride, despite his serious exhaustion. He outlasted his much younger lover and totally proved he wasn't an old man. Kind of. He was pretty sure his hips and knees were gonna be sore later on.

Still breathing quite harshly from his vigorous exercise, Deidara curled up next to his lover closely. He rested his head against the man's chest and let out a sort of whine/sigh. "You're a maniac, un," he panted out.

"Says the man who kept screaming for more," Sasori breathlessly chuckled.

Deidara humphed, "Shuddup." Too tired to even feel embarrassed, the blond just nuzzled more comfortably into the position of the little spoon.

Sasori smiled sleepily and pressed a kiss to the boy's head. "I'll make it up to you when we wake up. I love you." Although the blond didn't say anything, the redhead felt the small kiss on his chest and accepted the gesture. He really had worn the poor boy out. Finally, Sasori stopped fighting his fatigue and let his eyes slip close - sleep overtaking him immediately.

Sometime later that morning, which didn't feel very long at all, Deidara was rudely awakened by the sound of insistent ringing. He would've ignored it had it not continued. The blond greatly wished that Sasori would pick it up, but sadly that was not gonna happen. Sitting up with excruciating pain, Deidara wrestled himself out of the sheets and over his sleeping lover to reach the phone. He glanced over the number, but couldn't recognize it as work or one of the redhead's friends. It must've been someone important for them to keep calling. Taking the chance, the boy let out a yawn before answering the annoying piece of plastic.

"Hello, un?" he asked in a more tired voice than he meant. The boy gasped slightly as he felt the redhead under him move. Hands slowly trailed up his back. Deidara smiled and kissed the older man's neck.

" _Sasori? I-Is that you?_ " the voice was frantic and shaky.

Deidara frowned and tried to ignore the semi-awake redhead's roaming hands. "Uh, no. This is Deidara. Sasori is currently, ah, asleep." The blond had to bite his lip when his lover began massaging his sore lower back. He rolled onto his lover more comfortably and glanced down at his sleepy Danna. "I can take a message though," he soon added.

" _Damn it,_ " the woman cursed. " _No, I need to talk to him right away. It's about the kids._ "

The blond blinked in surprise, "Oh, uhm, okey-"

" _Just wake his ass up and give him the phone!_ " she snapped.

Fortunately for Deidara, the redhead had already woken himself up most of the way. The male took the phone and mouthed, "Karura?"

Deidara nodded slowly, not quite sure, but couldn't figure out who else it'd be.

Sighing, Sasori brought the phone to his ear, ready to hear whatever complaint she had. "Good morning to you too," he stated sarcastically.

The blond leaned up and pecked the male on the lips - who graciously returned the favor - before rolling onto his side to lay beside his lover rather than on top of him. Although he couldn't hear what Karura was saying, he could tell that it wasn't good from Sasori's expression.

Sasori furrowed his eyebrows in concern and confusion at his ex-wife's statement. "I'm sorry could you repeat that? It sounds like you're trying to say that our children ran away."

Deidara's eyes widened in surprise. There was no way that could be true, right? Sasori had to be mishearing.

"Well, did you call Kankuro's cell phone? I told you he has the habit of sneaking out and-" the redhead went quiet as he was interrupted.

The blond frowned and sat up slowly.

"Gaara and Temari are-" Sasori stopped, listened, and then immediately sat up. "What do you mean you can't find them!?" The redhead threw the blankets off of him and jumped out of bed. He began searching for his clothes, phone glued to his ear. "You've searched the entire house, right? You're positive that Gaara isn't just hiding and that Temari isn't-"

Deidara, who had been covered by the blankets thanks to his lover, pulled the fabric from his face and watched his lover scurry around the room in worry. Seeing the redhead slide into his pants and practically run out of the bedroom, made Deidara ignore the ache in his lower regions. The boy threw on whatever clothes he could find and was about to leave the room when he spotted the redhead's keys. Grabbing those, he rushed down the stairs in time to see his lover tearing up his living room in search of the item he possessed.

"For fucks sake, Karura, you only had them for one night! How the hell could you lose our kids in that amount of time!?" Sasori yelled into the phone, seething. "Shit, where the fuck are my keys- No, I'm coming to Ito and I'm going to find my kids! Why the hell else would you call me for?" The redhead growled in frustration and was about ready to flip a couch. Luckily for him, Deidara managed to grab a hold of him and hold the keys up in front of him.

Deidara gripped the man's bicep and held the keys out for him. The harsh glare that the older male wore made the blond flinch when it was directed toward him. He had never seen the man so pissed off. It was kind of scary and, had this been under different circumstances, hot.

Sasori held the glare for a few seconds before realizing that the blond was holding his keys. He saw the flinch and immediately felt bad. In his rage, he had forgotten about the boy. His glare softened and he gently took the keys from Deidara. "Look, I'm heading out the door right now. If you find out anything else call my cellphone," he stated firmly before hanging up. Sighing, he pulled the boy into a kiss, "Thank you."

The blond pulled away faster than normal, "We should get going."

"You're right."

The two men left the house hastily and hopped into the car. Seconds after starting the vehicle, Sasori peeled out of his driveway and tried to maintain the speed limit once he hit city roads. In the passenger's seat, Deidara did what he could do with Google Maps and directed them to Ito. The drive was a two hour long, tense road trip. In the beginning, Sasori was stressed and constantly sped over the speed limit. It took a lot of convincing and consoling from Deidara to calm down his lover. The blond was worried too, but unlike Sasori, he couldn't fully understand the feeling of possibly losing a child - no, children. However, he understood that keeping a level head was best for their safety and made it possible to focus on getting there.

When they arrived at Karura's home, they found the woman crying and clutching onto a man neither of them knew on her porch. At this point, Sasori could care less who the man was. He parked the car quickly and hurried over to his ex-wife in such a manner that the male holding onto her stood up - trying - to be intimidating. The redhead ignored the man and glared at Karura. "How the hell could you just "lose" them!?" he snapped.

Deidara exited the car slowly, listening and watching Sasori argue with his ex-wife. He walked up behind the man cautiously.

"And why the hell are you just sitting here crying!? You should be out looking for them! Did you even report this to the authorities? Do you not care that our kids are missing, thanks to your inability to watch over them?" Sasori growled, standing almost nose to nose with the woman.

"I do care, you asshole! I've done what I can with the police and we've searched every where! There hasn't been any reports of three kids getting on busses or walking around town. What do you want me to do, Sasori!?" the woman bawled in anger.

"I want you to act like their mother! You left for three months without so much as a phone call, but you had enough time to get a new boyfriend it you come back and decide to take them, only to lose them! Any other mother on the planet would-"

"We can hear you all arguing from inside. It's scaring Mei and Mai…" a boy just a bit younger than Kankuro interrupted.

Sasori stared wildly at the boy in the door frame.

The man that was holding onto Karura turned to the child. "Go back in and all of you go up stairs. Daddy is busy helping mom figure things out."

Deidara looked over at his shocked lover. He suddenly felt a pit in his stomach.

Once the door closed, Sasori turned to ex-wife and waited a few more seconds before speaking. It was as if he was trying to process all of the information. "You… Not only did you find a boyfriend, you found another family…"

Karura wiped her eyes and glared at the redhead. "It's no different from what you did! Don't even try to start blaming Kioshi and his children for this."

Sasori's jaw tightened, teeth grinding. "It is different! You didn't tell them at all did you!? You just sprung it on them! They probably ran away because they felt replaced!"

"Even if it was a last minute discussion, Karura isn't in the wrong by herself. You did the same before her. You replaced their mother with some drag queen wannabe who thinks they're better than Karura," Kiyoshi argued for the woman.

The redhead glared in disgust at the man. "Deidara has nothing to do with this. You have no right to say anything about me and Karura's relationship or children, so stay out of it. This is between me and her." Sasori stopped for a moment, feeling his phone go off. Whipping it out of his pocket, he handed it to Deidara. "See who it is, please. I'm not done talking to these two."

Deidara nodded and walked away from the arguing group. He stood by the car and answered the phone. "Yes, who is it? This is kinda a bad time."

" _Oh, my bad. Do I have the wrong number. I'm trying to call my grandson, Sasori?"_

The blond's eyes widened. Why was Sasori's grandmother calling? Wasn't she dead? He recalled the redhead saying he had no family left. "This is Sasori's number. I'm Deidara, his… er, friend."

The woman seemed enlightened at the news. " _Ohohoho! So, you're the Deidara they've been telling me about."_

"They?" Deidara raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, who told you about me?"

" _Well see, that's why I'm calling. Kankuro said he tried to call his father last night, but his phone was off. He told me all about how my grandson found a new love and was probably, oh, how did he phrase it? Netflix and chilling, I believe is what he said. Not quite sure what a Netflix is, but I find it quite hard to believe that my dear scorpling would do anything chilling. He hates the cold, yanno?"_

It took a minute to understand the old woman's ramblings, but it finally clicked in Deidara's brain that she had mentioned Kankuro. He apparently tried to call last night? Perhaps it was during their date? "You said Kankuro told you all of this? Is he there with you, un?"

The woman laughed, " _Oh, yes. Kankuro, Temari, and that precious little baby, Gaara, are all here."_

"Oh my god, that's great! Thank you! I'll let Sasori know right away, un!"

" _Take your time, deary. We'll be here."_

Deidara ran over to the group of angry adults. "Sasori Danna!" he exclaimed. "I know where they're at!"

Sasori, who was in the middle of going off on Kiyoshi, stopped and turned to his lover. Karura did the same, standing up in hope.

"Here," the blond handed the phone over to the redhead. "Your grandmother says they're with her."

The redhead's eyebrows raised in confusion. He swiped the phone from Deidara's hand and put it up to his ear. "Granny?" he muttered. The man was silent as he listened to the woman on the other line. His face changed from worry to relief almost instantly. "Yeah, we'll be there. Thank you, Chi-" The man stopped and rolled his eyes, obviously being scolded. "Yes, I know. Thank you, Granny," he muttered with a pout. Hanging up, the male sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing the locks back for a brief moment. "They're at Chiyo's. Let's go, Dei."

The blond nodded and turned to follow Sasori to the car.

"Wait! I'm coming with you!" Karura interrupted.

Sasori glared at the woman. "Like hell you are."

Karura glared back just as fiercely. "I'm their mother, Sasori. I have every right to see them. Even if they don't want to talk to me, I want to make sure they're safe and hear it from them."

The redhead growled lowly, "It's a five hour drive and the last thing I want to do is be stuck in car with you."

"I'm going. If you want to have some stupid custody battle later, we can, but right now I want to see my children. So, stop being a selfish dick and suck it up," the woman snapped. Slipping past the couple, she marched over to Sasori's car and slid into the front passenger seat.

The blond frowned and grabbed onto his lover's forearm. "C'mon, Danna, it's not worth working yourself up. Let's just go. You can pretend like she's not even there." He glanced over at the car where the woman sat impatiently. "I don't mind sitting in the back, un… We'll get to your grandmother's and the both of you can talk to the kiddos. What's the most important thing is that you know where they are and that they're safe."

Sasori clenched his jaw. "Tsch, let's just go," he sneered. Pulling away from the blond, he stormed in the direction of his vehicle.

Deidara trailed behind quietly. As he got in the car, he immediately felt like jumping out. The tension was thick and it made him feel like he didn't belong. It didn't help that Sasori practically blew him off in the harshest way possible. The man had never treated the blond like that. Biting his lip and hanging his head low, Deidara sat in the quiet keeping his dreaded thoughts to himself.

The five hour trip felt like eternity. Although they made it there in the least amount of time possible, with little to no breaks, Deidara was sure that time had moved slower than normal. During the trip, he couldn't help but fall asleep. No one was conversing and there was no music playing. It was unnerving.


	7. Family pt 2

Well hello part 2

Gosh this got really mushy, but I'm really glad you guys like this story c:

I appreciate all of the reviews. Have a hug.~

Genre: Very mushy gushy

WARNING: a few bad words and some minor smexy time

Rated: hng

Word Count: 3714

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

The city of Ayabe was peaceful. It was very country like, full of mountains and farmland. For Deidara, it felt like he had travelled back in time. The city didn't feel like a city. It felt small and quaint. There was no hustle bustle of people or cars. There were no loud sirens. There was nothing but tranquility. Even though this place was new for the blond, it was obvious that Sasori had been here many times. He drove without hesitation and turned down many confusing streets. Eventually, they drove up a winding road that led to a traditional home.

The three exited the car simultaneously, with Sasori leading the way. He approached the entrance, knocked lightly before opening the door. "It's just me, Granny," the redhead called out. Kicking off his shoes, he was surprised to see that the woman didn't leave any slippers out. Shrugging it off, he left Karura and Deidara behind in order to find his grandmother.

Deidara was the last one to enter. Like the adults before him, he slipped off his shoes and trailed behind quietly. The house was absolutely gorgeous and very neat. However, unlike the city, it wasn't as quiet. Deidara could hear Temari and Kankuro arguing from the hall. It then occurred to him that he could hear Sasori and Karura scolding the children as well. He had gotten left behind again. The blond slowly entered the room of chaos and watched the whole thing unfold.

Upon seeing his children, Sasori ran up to them and scooped them up into a big group hug. "What were you guys thinking!?" he asked in concern. "Do you know how dangerous that was? How did you even get here?"

Kankuro pulled out of the hug and rolled his eyes, "We took the bus obviously."

Karura frowned, "Don't get snappy with us, mister. You should know better than this."

The teenager scowled and crossed his arms. "Whatever."

Sasori sighed in irritation, "Kankuro, watch what you say. As the oldest, you are responsible for your younger siblings. Now tell us why you ran off."

"We just didn't like it there!" Temari answered for her brother.

The redhead tried to counter his daughter, but was interrupted by an elderly woman entering the room. "Oh, Sasori, it's been too long," the woman sighed. "And Karura, you look well." The woman first pulled Karura in a short hug before crushing her grandson in an embrace. "You need to visit more, scorpling. Ebizo has been talking about going on a fishing trip, yanno?"

"Yes, Granny…" Sasori muttered.

Karura took a step toward the elder and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry for the trouble they've caused you, Chiyo. I was supposed to be watching them, but it appears that I couldn't. I really am a failure of a mother."

Deidara watched as tears fell from the woman's eyes. He wasn't sure if they were real or not. However, the glare that Sasori sent his ex-wife was definitely real and very menacing. The elder woman gently rubbed the woman's back and chided her for saying such things. It was when Karura turned her back that Deidara saw Chiyo mutter something under her breath.

"They really weren't any trouble. They're good kids. I already talked to them earlier about what they had done and even convinced them to give you both a call."

Sasori frowned and turned to apologize to his kids. "I'm sorry, if I hadn't turned my phone off then we could have avoided all of this…"

"I had mine off as well…" Karura stated with a saddened expression.

Kankuro shrugged, "We only really tried to call dad… but I know you were _busy_ with Deidara."

The look Sasori sent his children made Deidara feel even worse. It didn't help that Karura looked disgusted either.

"It's not like we're mad at you or Deidara…" Temari muttered to her dad.

Gaara fumbled over his words, "Nobody should be mad at each other…"

It was the mention of the blond's name that brought Chiyo back into the conversation. "Speaking of this Deidara… Did you not bring him with you, Sasori? I've heard so much about this boy, yet you haven't even introduced us properly," she scolded the redhead.

Sasori eyes widened. He hadn't realized he had forgotten about his lover. Pulling away from his grandmother, he whipped his head around the room searching for his blond. He spotted the boy almost immediately. Deidara was only halfway in the room, hiding mostly behind the screen door with the saddest expression he had ever seen the boy wear. He approached the other male slowly and reached a hand out to him. "Deidara," he nearly whispered. His hand was taken almost hesitantly and it worried him. "Meet my grandmother," he stated, leading the blond out from behind the door. "Deidara, this is Chiyo. She's the woman who raised me and cared for me after my parent's death. I know I haven't talked about her much, but I intended to introduce you to her later…" He cleared his throat and met his grandmother's expectant stare. "Granny… this is Deidara. He's my… Well, I guess you could say, he's my first, uhm, boyfriend."

Deidara blushed and froze up, not sure how to formally greet the woman. "I-It's nice to meet you, ah, Mrs…?"

"Just call me Chiyo, deary," she smiled.

The blond nodded and bit his lip. Sasori's hand felt heavy in his.

Chiyo looked to her grandson, then his ex-wife, and finally settled on Deidara. "I think us adults should have a talk," she stated firmly.

Deidara felt a lump in his throat at the words. It was a strict tone and he could tell where Sasori developed his own. He barely felt the thumb brush over his hand.

"Chiyo-"

"Sasori," the elder narrowed her eyes.

Said redhead grunted and nearly rolled his eyes, " _Granny_ , is that really necessary?"

She nodded, "Yes it is. I want to talk with all of you individually."

Sasori tensed up.

"First you, Sasori, then Karura, and finally, Deidara."

The redhead let out a disgruntled groan. It was when he felt his hand being released that he shook his annoyance and looked over at his young lover. The male still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"You should listen to your grandmother, un."

Sasori frowned, but didn't fight the blond on the subject. Instead, he leaned over and placed a kiss on the boy's cheek. His chest panged with an ache as he felt Deidara slightly flinch away. Had he fucked up that bad?

"Come, Sasori, I'll make some tea." His grandmother held her hands behind her back and made her way into the back halls, disappearing into one of the rooms.

As soon as the elder woman was out of sight, the three children scattered and practically ran outside. Deidara watched Karura closely as she pursed her lips and walked in the opposite direction toward the kotatsu. She sat down gracefully and proceeded to ungracefully mess with her phone.

"It shouldn't take that long," Sasori muttered to the boy. "I'm sure she just wants to get to know you…"

Deidara shrugged and started walking away from the redhead. "I'll be outside, un…" he sighed.

The blond spent the next hour or so outside, watching as the children ran around and played. Well, mostly Gaara and Temari played. Kankuro sat moodily next to him, headphones in. Although none of the kids said anything to Deidara, he could tell they were very upset by the turn of events. Especially, Kankuro - he was the most upset of them all, even if he acted like he didn't care. Eventually, the door behind them slid open.

The redhead lightly touched the blond's shoulder. "Karura finished. I can take you to Chiyo."

Deidara nodded and stood up, following his lover. When they stopped at the door, Sasori tried to ease the blond, but the male was quick to ignore it and enter the room, closing the door behind him.

"Hello, Deidara," Chiyo greeted calmly. "Have a seat, dear."

The blond did as he was told and sat across from the old woman. Between them a kettle of tea sat with a brand new cup in front of him. He could still see the other two cups sitting next to the pot. Most likely Sasori's and Karura's.

"So," the elder started, "you're the one my grandson is currently interested in, correct?" She reached over with aged hands and poured the hot liquid into the boy's cup with what seemed to be years of precision and practice.

Deidara nodded, "It would appear that way, un…"

"I've already been told a lot about you from everyone," Chiyo informed the man. "I want to hear it for myself."

"Hear what exactly?" Deidara frowned.

Chiyo sipped her tea. "About yourself, deary."

The blond ran his fingers gently across the cup. "I don't know where to start…"

"How about with why you chose Sasori?"

"Why I chose Sasori?" Deidara repeated the question. "Well…" he muttered out nervously, "I'll be honest, un. It's rather simplistic, but… I just thought he was very attractive in the beginning. We went on a date and he was just so… amazing. Not only did he have a gorgeous face, he was intelligent, artistic, and just so… full of life." He neglected to tell the old lady that he also thought the older man would be a god in between the sheets, but he was sure she didn't need to know that.

"Full of life…"

Deidara nodded, "I don't know how else to describe it. It was our very first time really meeting, but he was just so happy and charming. I wasn't aware he had kids at the time, but when I found out, I couldn't care less. It didn't matter how many kids he didn't or did have. Sasori was worth it."

"What do you think of my three precious grandbabies?"

The blond smiled, "They're quite the bunch, un. Kankuro reminds me a lot of myself. Maybe it's because we're so close in age," he muttered the last part, "but I don't think that is a problem. We get along fine and if he approves… well, then surely he doesn't hold any resentment toward Sasori. Temari is overall the best behaved. She's strong willed, and I think that's really important for her. Especially growing up in a household full of boys," Deidara chuckled. "And Gaara… he's simply adorable. Looks so much like Sasori too. He's rather shy, but once he gets to know you, he'll stick to you like glue. I imagine he'll grow up to be just as tough, yet loving as Sasori." The blond took a breath, "Overall, they've all grown on me and I feel like family. Like they allowed me to be a part of the family. Or… I hope that is what they really feel. I'd never want to impose on them, un…"

Chiyo sat patiently, listening. She hummed and let the silence take over as she soaked in all of the information. When she finally opened her mouth, the question took Deidara by surprise. "Do you love Sasori?"

Deidara's words caught in his throat. Of course he did, but what would Chiyo think?

"You two have known each other for how long now?"

"A little over a few months."

Chiyo nodded, "I see… And your feelings?"

"I… I love him," Deidara murmured, a blush tinging his cheeks. "I love Sasori, un."

No verbal response.

Deidara fidgeted in the silence.

"I'm glad," Chiyo finally stated. "My grandson deserves someone who loves him just as much."

The blond raised an eyebrow.

"You see, Sasori was always the one who loved more. He loved those around him so deeply that he was often hurt by the one's he loved. Even… me. It broke him at some point. It was so long ago that I can't quite recall, but he began building a wall around himself. He tried to not care or love anyone."

"But… Karura?"

Chiyo snorted and rolled her eyes, catching Deidara off guard. "That was never love, my dear. Anybody with functioning eyesight could see that. That average-looking village commoner never really loved my grandson. She only stuck around because that boy had to go and get her pregnant. Granted, I love all of my great grandchildren," the woman added in clarification, "but I can't believe Sasori stuck around with her. It's like he did it to piss me off."

Deidara stared at the elder with wide eyes. What had happened to the polite and happy, traditonal grandmother he had been talking with? Who was the livid old lady?

"That grandson of mine," she sighed.

"Uhm, Chiyo, why is it you believe that she didn't love him? I mean they had been together for so long and-"

Chiyo scoffed, "That woman never spoke a word of truth. She'd boohoo and whine about this and that, all made up of whatever crap she could conjure up. She never once had something genuine to say about the man she supposedly loved. Even now!" the elder rasped. "I asked her the same darn questions as you and all she had to say was, _Oh, we were so young. He was so handsome and charming. He was so sweet to me. I loved him, but he's changed._ "

Deidara frowned, "Ah… well it's not like Sasori isn't charming or sweet, un… I'm sure Karura isn't all that bad. I mean Sasori did love her after all-" The death stare he received from the elder made him swallow harshly.

"You don't have to keep defending her, Deidara. I know when love is genuine and it sure as hell wasn't between them!"

The blond nodded, keeping his mouth shut. There seemed to be no point in arguing with the woman - another flawless trait passed down to the redhead. Deidara couldn't complain too much. He'd rather not be in the hot seat that Karura was in.

"I mean, honestly, how do you lose your children in one night?" Chiyo complained, now drinking her tea more furiously.

Deidara continued to pretend to listen. The poor boy was just tired and ready to go to sleep. It was already so late in the afternoon, but it nearly felt like nighttime to him. His eyelids felt heavy as the woman continued to drone on. He almost missed the sweeter old lady.

"I just want what's best for Sasori. Even if it happens to be another male," Chiyo admitted, now catching the blond's attention. "I don't think you're a bad person at all, Deidara. You may not be the right one, but you'll do for now."

The blond blinked, "Uh… thanks?"

The old woman waved him off, "What I'm getting at, deary, is… please take care of my little scorpling. Love him until you have no more love to give."

Deidara nodded slowly, "I… I'll do my best."

Chiyo gave a small smile, "Good, good. You may go now. I'm sure you're just as tired as my grandson. Can you believe he fell asleep during our chat? Very rude."

The blond couldn't help but laugh at the thought. "Tell me about it, un…" Standing up, Deidara wished Chiyo a goodnight and entered the dark hall. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand brushed his own.

"This way, brat…"

Deidara held the hand, letting the older man lead him. They travelled through the dark hall until they reached a dimly lit room. Entering the room, the blond released Sasori's hand and looked over the space. Two futons were laid out neatly close together.

"Sorry, I don't have any extra clothes," the redhead stated, undressing.

The blond shook his head and did the same. He was the first to snuggle up in his bedding, leaving Sasori to turn off the light. He lay on his side, keeping his back toward his older lover. Despite his talk with Chiyo, Deidara still felt quite upset and guilty. The sound of blankets shuffling told him that Sasori had finally slid in bed. The blond laid silently, not able to sleep.

Minutes passed.

A sigh escaped Sasori's mouth, but Deidara thought it was a mere yawn.

Finally, he spoke, "I'm sorry, Deidara."

The younger male didn't respond to the words. He just listened.

"You have every right to be mad… or upset with me. "

Deidara frowned, _Don't say that…_

"I was so worried about my kids that I just… forgot about you. Hell, all you ever did was try to help me and I was a complete dick to you."

The blond gripped his blankets tightly. "They're your kids, un. You're supposed to worry about them. They're important."

The older male seemed to shift closer, "And so are you." Sasori closed in on the blond and wrapped an arm around him, lips pressed against his neck and loose locks of hair. "You're just as important."

Pressure built behind Deidara's eyes. He blinked rapidly, trying to overcome the feeling. "I'm just a boyfriend. They're your own flesh and blood. They're family. It's okay to care about them more." Deidara let out a gasp as he was suddenly pushed to face the redhead. The man hovered above him at an angle, hands pressing his shoulders down.

"You're more than just a boyfriend. You're my lover, my spoiled brat. You're just as much a part of this family as me. I care for you as much as I do for my own children. There is a difference in how I care for you, yes, but that doesn't mean I care for you any less. I love you, Deidara. I love you so much that it scares me sometimes. You're so much younger than me and still in college. You could easily leave me for someone your own age, and I'd understand if you did. I don't want you too, though. I want you to be all mine and nobody else's."

Deidara chewed his bottom lip as the man confessed his thoughts. It was when his voice dropped to a murmur that Deidara interrupted him. "Why is that so scary?"

Sasori dropped his head low and pressed his forehead against his younger partner's. "Because I don't know what lengths I'll actually go to keep it that way. I've thought about it from time to time and it's frightening to say that I think I could actually kill someone if it meant keeping you safe and by my side."

If the chuckle and playful whisper of "I'll keep that in mind, un," didn't catch Sasori off guard, the kiss certainly did. The blond had craned his neck up just a bit more, so that their lips could meet in a sweet embrace. The redhead didn't mind all that much as he returned the gesture, already wanting to take it a step further.

"Always so impatient," the blond teased. Using his weight, he pushed Sasori off him and instead straddled him. He cupped the older man's face, rubbing his lightly stubbled jaw line, "I love you too, Sasori."

The redhead grabbed the blond's hand on his face, clutching it firmly. "You're not mad then?"

Deidara shook his head, "Never mad, un. I was just a bit upset, but it's hard to feel bad when I'm with you. You always know what to say to make me feel better." The blond smiled, "When I had my doubts, you comforted me. Now it's my turn, un." He pressed a hungry kiss to the redhead's lips, but pulled away before the older man could do anything. "I'd never leave you for some college douchebag. There's no one who could treat me the way you do. No one who could love me the way you do."

Sasori flushed at the words. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so loving with someone other than his kids.

A devious smile made it's way on the blond's face. "Nobody can compare to the way you make me feel, Danna. Not in my heart," he put a hand over his chest, "or inside of me." The younger male purred and rolled his his hips for emphasis. "Only you can make me feel like I'm being consumed by fire and about to explode."

The redhead's cheeks grew hotter. "Brat, you're not suggesting-" His question was interrupted when the boy's hand slipped lower and massaged his lower abdomen. He swallowed hard as the blond's hips twitched with electric like friction. "Not only are my children down the hall, my ex-wife and _grandmother_ are a few rooms over. I don't-"

Deidara put a finger to Sasori's lips. "I can keep quiet, can't you?"

* * *

The next morning the visiting adults finished eating breakfast and were ready to leave. As it turned out, Sasori and Karura both agreed to let their children stay over at Chiyo's for the summer. It was made clear to Karura that her children were upset and needed time to accept the idea of other children. She had reluctantly agreed and decided to let her kids get to know her new boyfriend and his kids slowly. Chiyo was more than happy to have her great grandchildren stay over the summer.

After several goodbyes and hugs, the three adults piled into Sasori's car with Karura being forced into the backseat and Deidara up front. Even though the blond could feel the woman's eyes burning holes in the back of his head for the entire trip, Deidara could care less. Sitting up front beside his Danna and occasionally holding his hand was a loooot better than being by himself in the back.

Glancing over at his lover, Deidara didn't hide his smile. The man seemed so much happier and vibrant compared to the day before. Perhaps it was the amazing sex and wonderful sleep that came after that made him seem much more like a person instead of a zombie. Either way, Deidara couldn't wait for their summer vacation together.


	8. The Big Bad Week

For the very special chaann who didn't make me suffer in her last fic.

Genre: chaann suggested this idea

WARNING: feels and playground bullies

Rated: awh poor smol bean

Word Count: 4232

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

It was tough being six Gaara had decided. His older siblings always complained about how they had so much homework or the boy they liked wouldn't take them to the dance, but these were small issues compared to the troubles he had. Besides, if they wanted to dance with some boy they could do so at recess! Gaara just couldn't understand his siblings sometimes. Their problems didn't matter though, the small redhead had his own to deal with.

It started Monday. Dad had dropped him off at the front gates of school a bit earlier than usual on the little redhead's request. He walked inside with a confident stride. He was feeling so good about himself all because his dad got him some new shoes. They were "kick-ass", as Deidara would say, Spiderman shoes. Clean white spiderwebs covered the black surface with Spiderman on the side, bright blue laces, and a powerful red trim that held a light up system. Every time he took a step, his shoes flashed and made him feel cooler than cool. Everyone was going to be super jealous of his shoes!

Striding up to his friends, he posed like Deidara had shown him - full of confidence! "Look at these super cool new shoes I got!" he beamed proudly. As his friends, and other children, gathered around him and his new shoes, Gaara couldn't find himself to stop grinning. Until _he_ showed up.

Sasuke Uchiha was his name and he was the coolest kid in school. He was also the new kid. The raven showed his stupid face in Gaara's class last week and literally everyone was stupidly in love with the guy! Well, mostly the girls swooned over the pretty boy and the kid was proud of that! The redhead couldn't help but feel disgusted - everyone knew girls had cooties! The raven was definitely a weirdo in his eyes, but all the other guys thought Sasuke was cool. Even Naruto, a good friend of his, thought the kid was super amazing. What betrayal!

So when the little raven pulled up in his fancy long car, everyone stopped paying attention to Gaara and eyed Sasuke. Gaara couldn't help but pout at that fact. Feeling dejected, the redhead turned to leave and go hide inside until he heard Naruto mention him and his new shoes.

"Gaara! Come show Sasuke your super cool shoes! They're really-eally cool!" the blond whiskered kid yipped.

The Uchiha tilted his sunglasses down, which Gaara had to admit was pretty cool, and glanced at all of the children surrounding the front doors. His eyes then met with Gaara's - their first time making eye contact! Gaara took a deep breath and puffed up his little chest. He had to be brave in front of this guy! The redhead felt his cheeks flush as the kid checked him up and down and then stopped at his shoes. Sasuke smirked, "You think _those_ shoes are cool?" He took off his glasses, in a very cool manner, and gestured with his tiny, slim fingers to his feet. " _These_ shoes are the most marvelous~"

The shoes on the raven were something to be amazed about. They were a deep purple with white flames that came off the sides. Gaara had to bite back his compliments. Swallowing his kind words, the redhead crossed his arms and shrugged his little shoulders. "They're okey, but Spiderman is, like, super cooler."

Sasuke snorted and rolled his dark eyes. "Pfft, yeah right. Check this out," he instructed smugly. Bringing his foot up to his hand, he turned a switch and the entirety of his bottom trim lit up purple even more brightly than Gaara's light-up shoes. "And they even have a slot for skates," Sasuke smirked, tapping the plate at the bottom of his shoe.

The redhead troubled to keep his face straight. Sasuke's shoes were really mervless or whatever word he used earlier. They really were so much cooler. Dropping his arms, Gaara frowned, "So what? They're purple and that's a girl color."

The raven laughed, "Nuhuh, you're just jelly like the color of my shoes." As soon as the bell rang and a teacher opened the door up for the children, everyone forgot about the shoe-off and started rushing in. Everyone except for Sasuke and Gaara. The redhead usually walked in the back and Sasuke in the front. Instead of just parting, Sasuke walked over to him and stepped all over his new shoes! He even went as far as to ground his heel against them so it left the new shoes all scuffed up. "There, fixed them for you," he laughed before running off.

Gaara stood there, feeling the tears well up behind his eyes. What a jerk!

And that was only the beginning of his bad week. When his dad picked him up Monday, the older redhead had saw that he had already dirtied his shoes and gave him a short scolding. It wasn't even Gaara's fault, but he was too scared tell his dad what really happened. If he tattled on Sasuke, then Sasuke would just be even meaner! Or so he thought. The little redhead didn't have to tattle on the raven for him to start picking on him. The following days at school, when nobody was looking, Sasuke would do small things to be mean or get him trouble. In class, he'd throw piece of paper at the back of his head. At lunch, he'd sit at Naruto's table and sit next to Gaara and squeeze his juice box, so that it squirted all over him. That one got him in trouble at home a lot. His dad complained about stains or something. Then at recess, Sasuke would either trip or push him to the ground and run away laughing. The redhead did his best to hide from his bully, but somehow the raven always found him.

If things were bad enough at school, poor Gaara had to deal with poop at home. Wednesday night, after a rough day of school, Temari had taken his favorite toy hostage for no good reason! He was just sitting in his room when all of a sudden, his big sis busted the door down and stomped over to him.

"WHY WOULD YOU USE MY MAKEUP TO PAINT!?" she yelled in his face.

Gaara didn't understand and shook his head, "I didn't-"

Temari shoved the paper she had clutched in her hand right in Gaara's face. "The picture you painted for Deidara!" she hissed. "This isn't paint ya dummy! I came home and found my makeup all ruined!" she nearly screamed. "You break my stuff and I'll break yours!" she huffed, throwing the "painting" down.

Gaara stood up, "Hey! What're you-" He tried to push her back, but she was much stronger and pushed him to the ground - something Gaara was really acquainted with recently.

She stomped rudely over to his bed and picked up his stuffed teddy. She snatched it away with her grubby hands and ran out of the room.

"No! Stop it, Temari!" Gaara yelped, chasing after his sister. Unfortunately for him, his dad and Deidara were out for the night and Kankuro was babysitting. His brother often wasn't any help, but maybe this time… "KANKURO! TEMARI STOLE HISASHI!" he yelled in vain - and yes, he named his precious teddy Hisashi after his late grandfather. He followed his sister all the way down the hall to the bathroom. She managed to slam the door in his face before he could catch her. "KANNNKUROOO!" he yelled again.

He banged on the door with his small fists and cried out to his sister, pleading. He could hear her laughing and flipping the toilet open. His eyes bulged and his wails got louder. It was apparent that Kankuro was not going to come to his rescue, so the little redhead did what he could. He knew people in the movies always broke down the door when someone was in trouble. The flushing and clogging sound of the toilet told him that his teddy was in deep trouble. Backing away from the door as far as he could, he braced himself and slammed into the door with all his might. The sturdy plank of wood did not budge and only hurt Gaara's shoulder in the end. The pain caused him to cry and drop to the ground. Not only could he not save his teddy, but now his shoulder hurt too! He kicked at the door in anger and sadness, screaming his poor throat raw.

Finally, his older brother came stomping upstairs. He wore an impressive scowl. Pushing Gaara out of the way, he banged on the door angrily. "Temari open the door RIGHT NOW!"

"No! He's getting what he deserves!"

Kankuro growled, "Now or I'm calling dad! And you know he'll be pissed if he has stop his date!"

Gaara sniffled and held his sobs. He heard one last flush before Temari exited the bathroom empty handed. She flipped her messy hair and pushed past her brothers. Kankuro rolled his eyes and followed after her to chew her out about picking on their little brother. The redhead stumbled to his feet quickly and entered the bathroom with urgency. There he found his precious Hisashi in the toilet, head ripped off and his left arm missing. Seeing the broken teddy made him sob. Not caring that it had just been soaked in toilet water, Gaara reached in the bowl and retrieved his bear. That night he fell asleep on the bathroom floor. He woke up the next morning in his bed, but his teddy was missing. How awful.

Only more mishaps continued that week. As he relayed his troubles to his friends, they suggested that maybe somebody put a curse on him. Gaara agreed that it sounded like a real possibility. It was probably Sasuke - he'd do something terrible like that.

By Friday, Gaara was exhausted. Bullies, mean siblings, broken toys, and the scary thought of the curse took a toll on the small kiddo. He was slumped on the couch after school watching a cartoon he normally found funny, but just couldn't find it in him to enjoy today. Even when the doorbell rang, he didn't bother to get it.

He heard his dad exit his office and answer the door. He glanced over just the slightest and spotted Deidara. The two adults kissed quickly before closing the door. Still just as sullen, he continued to watch tv and ignored the blond he loved hanging out with.

Deidara shuffled out of his shoes and kissed the older redhead one more time once he was inside. "Soooo, I've got some really exciting news~" he purred happily to his lover.

Sasori gave an apologetic smile. "And I'm excited to hear it. But I actually need to finish up my work really quick. It'll take me about fifteen minutes, do you mind? We can talk afterward-"

The blond nodded, "It's fine, un. Go ahead and finish up. I'll wait out here with Gaara."

The redhead rubbed the blond's cheek affectionately. "He's been a little down lately. See if you can cheer him up or get him to talk. He won't tell me anything."

"Sure thing. Go work now," Deidara chuckled, shooing his lover away. With Sasori out of the way, the blond plopped down on the couch and faked a sad pout. He too slumped into the couch and crossed his arms.

This managed to catch Gaara's attention. He pursed his lips and looked up at Deidara. Their eyes met briefly before the blond quickly looked away. Gaara frowned, "What's wrong with you?"

Deidara shrugged.

Gaara sat up a bit, "Are you sad too?"

The blond didn't even look at the redhead. "A little."

"Why?"

"Because my favoritest little redhead didn't come greet me with a hug, un."

Gaara gasped as he realized that Deidara was talking about him. Now feeling bad, the petite six year old crawled over to the blond and gave him a big bear hug. "I'm sorry," he mumbled into the long, thick locks of Deidara's hair. When the older male returned his hug, the child felt much better than he had in the past week.

"It's okey, Gaara," Deidara said as he pulled out of the hug. "How're you doing? Your dad said you were feeling a bit down."

The redhead nodded slowly and sat close to blond. "More than a bit."

"Oh? What happened, un?"

Gaara sighed and began to retell his tale. He knew Deidara would listen to him and believe him. So far, Deidara was the only one who hadn't been mean to him this week - well any week actually. Deidara was always nice to him. He even let him have cookies when he dad said that he couldn't!

Upon hearing Gaara's story, Deidara couldn't help but feel for the little guy. What a terrible week the kid was having. "Did you say the bully was Sasuke… Uchiha?"

Gaara nodded, "He's the meany who ruined my new shoes and put a curse on me!"

Deidara frowned. Even worse, the kid that was bullying Gaara was an Uchiha. Deidara knew the brat's older brother. He had the misfortune of sharing a few classes with the so-called-prodigy. In Deidara's opinion, the guy was an asshole and he was sure that he taught his brother to be the same way. Reaching into his pocket, he glanced at the surprise he had in store for him and Sasori. A couples spa day.

After talking it out with Gaara, Deidara promised the boy he would talk to his dad about Sasuke and make sure nothing else would happen to him. He didn't mention that he was also going to beat up a certain older Uchiha, but the kiddo didn't need to know that anyways. When Sasori was finished with his work, he whisked his lover away to the kitchen to make dinner. The older man also noticed that Gaara seemed in better spirits.

"I don't know what you did, but thank you," he smiled. "He refused to talk to me at all."

Deidara laughed lightly, "It wasn't any trouble. The little guy has been having some troubles at school."

"His teacher called me saying that he had been misbehaving," Sasori hummed thoughtfully. "It's not like him though."

The blond nodded, "There's another kid picking on him, un. He didn't want to say anything cause he was afraid it'd make it worse. But hey, while you deal with that, I had an idea to help him feel better. I was wondering if I could take him out tomorrow."

Sasori blinked in surprise. If he had known his son was being bullied he would've stopped it immediately. Gaara was a shy kid, but he should've been able to trust his dad with this. Perhaps he needed to spend a bit more time with the boy… "Ah, sure. Where to?"

Deidara pulled the tickets out of his pocket and slid them across the bar.

"Spa day…"

"Surprise, un," the blond chuckled. "I was going to use these for us. I know work's been rough for you and figured you could use a really relaxing day, but… just hearing Gaara's troubles made me feel so sad. I think he'd have fun at the spa, un," Deidara explained. "We can buy you an extra ticket or something-"

Sasori shook his head and slid the tickets back. "I trust you, Dei. You two can have the day off to yourselves."

"But-"

"We can have a day for ourselves later," Sasori chuckled. "Besides, this would be a good chance for you two to really get to know each other. He already likes you a lot, so I'm positive he'll have a good time with you." Leaning over the counter, Sasori pressed a kiss to the boy's lips. "You two have fun tomorrow, okey?"

Deidara blushed and noded happily. Tomorrow him and Gaara would have a wonderful spa day!~

The next day started off surprisingly well for Gaara. His dad made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and his favorite show was on just in time! He was also treated to lunch with Deidara before they went on their special trip. The blond boy had explained to the small redhead that they were going to do something Deidara really loved and enjoyed. Heck, instead of getting all super clean like a bath, he'd get to douse himself in mud! Or something like that. Gaara was too excited to really listen. The two words that stuck out to him was "mud" and "bath".

They arrived at the spa shortly, Gaara wiggling in his seat the entire seat the whole time. The older blond helped him out of the car and escorted him to front doors. Upon entering the place, the two were hit with the strong smell of roses and oil. Gaara looked around in awe. They were only at the front desk, but there was so many flowers and tiny waterfalls everywhere. While Deidara talked to the other grownups Gaara took the chance to look around. Without really meaning to, he walked past the threshold of the lobby to the spa rooms. He came across many rooms that were closed and when he tried to see inside he found that they were locked. He eventually found the mud bath Deidara had told him about and although he was already so super excited to jump in, he decided it was better to wait for the older blond.

Circling around he tried to find his way back. Unfortunately for the redhead, he only seemed to lose himself even more. He wound up down a hall that led to the outside. He followed the bright light and could hear the rushing of water and laughter. The steam was thick and warm, but Gaara could just barely make out what was in front of him. Multiple women were situated in the hot spring, some wrapped in a towel and some only covered by the water and steam. Upon seeing the small child, most of the women covered themselves and huddled close to spot where he was at.

"Oh my goodness! Look at this little cutie," one cooed.

"Such bright and beautiful hair!"

"And those precious blue eyes!"

"His eyebrows… or lack of..."

"That little pout! It's too much," another squealed.

Gaara tilted his head in confusion, pulling more coos and awe. "I'm lost…" he finally muttered shyly.

A lady smiled at him and leaned against the edge of the bath. "Poor dear. Who brought you here?"

"...Dei… Deidara…"

"What do they look like, sweetie?" another asked.

Gaara held his arm up high as if measuring Deidara's height. "He's real tall and has long yellow hair. And-"

"Gaara! There you are, un! You scared me!" a familiar voice called out from the distance.

The women in the hot spring immediately turned their attention from the redhead to the blond man bursting through the door.

"Deidara!" Gaara yelped happily. Did Deidara get lost too!? Being lost by yourself was scary, but if you were lost with someone else it was bound to be fun. He ran over to the blond, nearly slipping in some water, and latched onto his legs. "I got lost!"

The older male crouched down and hugged the small boy. "That's why you're supposed to stay by me the whole time. It's dangerous to wander off by yourself." He looked over the boy's shoulder and flushed. The bunch of women were all staring at him, some looks more friendly than they should've been. Especially that one lady in the back. She was giving him a stare similar to the one Sasori would give him when- "I-I'm sorry ladies," Deidara stuttered, face red. "He didn't mean to cause trouble and I really didn't mean to barge in like this…"

"Oh, no, it was no problem. He's fine. _You're fine_."

"Yeah, why don't you stay a bit longer?~"

"S-Sorry, ladies. I don't swing that way!" He stood up and grabbed Gaara's hand, dragging him toward the door. "K, bye!"

Gaara waved to the ladies as he was pulled away. He couldn't understand what Deidara meant, but he really did like playing on the swings. Although he was sure that there wasn't any in the place. It'd be an improvement though.

Back on track, the two boys were treated to an amazing massage first off. Gaara couldn't stop giggling or twitching throughout the process. He didn't know how Deidara could handle the tickles! He felt like he was going to explode from the amount of tickles the nice lady gave him on his back! Deidara seemed to be enjoying it though. He kept making these muffled noises - sorta like the ones he made some nights that he stayed over. Perhaps his dad gave Deidara massages too? Gaara nodded to himself, confusing his masseuse. Deidara must really like massages.

After thirty tickle minutes, the two were taken to the mud bath. It was Gaara's favorite part. He splashed around and rolled around in it like a wee little piggy. His dad never let him play in the mud like this, so finally being able to do so was liberating. Deidara had even allowed him to bring some toys, so before they jumped in he was able to grab his dinos from Deidara's bag. An hour of the mud bath was not nearly enough for Gaara, however, before he had the chance to cry Deidara promised him that they could play in the mud bath again another time. He knew Deidara never broke his promises.

Sadly after the mud bath they had to get clean again. Some nice ladies washed his hair and gave him a nice face scrub. He had to admit that they looked silly with cucumbers and green goop on their faces. Deidara still insisted on a photo though.

The two spent the rest of the day at the spa and when it came to the end Gaara was sure he would fall asleep right then and there. Who knew relaxing could be so tiring? As they were checking out, he noticed that the man talking to Deidara was acting funny. He kept smiling super cheesy, like nacho cheese cheesy, and moving back and forth. He even dared to try and touch Deidara's pretty hair! It wasn't until Gaara clearly heard one particular word of their conversation that he felt the need to interrupt.

"I would really _love_ to have hair like that. Do you mind?" the man asked, already reaching.

Deidara blushed, "N-Not at all?"

Love?! Gaara stomped around the desk and punched the man on the leg. The older male jumped and yelped in surprise. Once he had the guys attention, he glared up at him as fiercely as he could. "You can't love him! Deidara already loves my daddy and my daddy loves him very much!" He punched the man again.

"Hey!-" the guy snapped.

Deidara gasped and grabbed Gaara from behind the counter. "Gaara! Don't do that, un! It's very mean to hit people." The blond smiled at the guy apologetically. "I'm sorry. He gets protective and…"

The guy was no longer happy. Instead of continuing the conversation, he held out the blond receipt. "Take it and leave."

The blond scowled and snatched the piece of paper. He'd leave a nasty Yelp review for this guy for sure. "C'mon Gaara, we have better places to be," he stated with a smug tone, even going as far as to toss his luscious hair over his shoulder.

Gaara grinned and stuck his tongue out at the clerk. That would show that stupid head!

The following days for Gaara proved to be better. In fact, he was sure that the place had lifted his curse! His dad grounded Temari and Kankuro for being super mean to him. He also had help from both Deidara and his dad to fix his teddy. However, the awesomest thing to happen was that Sasuke got hurt skating and broke his arm, but not only that! He also got his shoes taken away because the school said they were too distracting! Now the meany had to wear plain ole shoes instead of kick-ass one like Gaara's. When it came time for the redhead to sign Sasuke's cast - the whole classrom got to - he couldn't hold back the evil smirk as he scribbled across the boring white plaster.

" _Who's jelly now!"_


	9. Misplaced Gay

OH MY GORSH AN UPDATE WHO WOULDA THUNK

Genre: kankuro is a troubled teen

WARNING: daddy sas is too much

Rated: confused

Word Count: 2327

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

Kankuro was worried to say the least. It was around that time of year where the teachers at his school would have parent-teacher conferences. It wasn't that Kankuro was a bad student or anything, but he also wasn't the best. Always sleeping in class, running in late, never bringing his book or supplies, and just generally being a class clown. He made average grades though! It also didn't help that all of his teachers seemed to dislike him. His mother had always been the one to attend the conferences due to his father working late shifts. Since the divorce, however, his father could now do all the late night events at school - such as the dreaded parent-teacher conference.

His mom always covered for him. She wouldn't take the teachers seriously and tell Kankuro that his dad didn't have to know about his misbehavior. His father was on the strict side when it came to school. Living with his father did help improve his grades, so hopefully the teachers wouldn't be too harsh or even mention all the times he got sent to the office.

The night of the conference, Kankuro discovered that Deidara would be joining them. He thought that this might be a good thing. If his dad was distracted then he wouldn't hear about how shitty of a student he was!

He was disappointed, however, to find out that Deidara was solely there to keep an eye on Gaara and Temari. This meant the blond would be the one distracted and not his father. Reluctantly, Kankuro led his family around the school to each and every one of his teachers.

The first was his math teacher. She was a woman in her mid thirties, married, and quite angry all the time it seemed. She was also the hardest on Kankuro. That may have had to do with the fact that he often slacked off in that class. In Kankuro's defense, math was hard and hella boring.

As his father was invited to take a seat in front of her desk. Kankuro stayed behind with Deidara and his siblings. The blond looked bored out of his mind.

"I always hated regular math, un," the male commented.

"Regular math?" the teenager raised an eyebrow.

Deidara nodded and propped his head up on the palm of his hand. He glanced over at Gaara, who was coloring away happily, and smiled at the small child. "Yanno, algebra and all that. Chemistry was more of my thing."

Kankuro snorted, "Math is all the same to me. Boring as hell."

The blond laughed and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I'm so glad I'm out of high school. It sucked."

"Like college is any better?"

Deidara shrugged, "I think so… then again I'm going for an art degree…"

Kankuro rolled his eyes and was about to retort when his father cut him off.

"Alright, where to next?"

The teenager blinked. The older man was mad nor was he being scolded by his wicked math teacher. "Uhm… literature." Kankuro got up from his seat and led his family out of the classroom. As he did, he glanced at his teacher. She was smiling and waving at them!

Entering his literature class, he found a couple of his friends being chewed out by their parents. He rubbed the back of his neck. He may or may not have had trouble focusing in literature as well. It was just so boring and felt like it was sucking the life out of him. That's why he and his buddies just kinda… well clowned around. Why read some boring book when you could just see how many paper balls you could make into the trash from your seat. It could be a really intense game sometimes.

The family waited patiently as another boy was lectured by his teacher and parent. Sasori gave his son a firm squeeze of the shoulder. "I'm glad you take your studies seriously. It's good to know you're not a complete delinquent," he hummed proudly.

Kankuro gave a nervous laugh, "Yeah, right…"

"Why don't you sit up there with me? Deidara can handle the kiddos by himself."

Kankuro wheezed, "You sure? I figured you'd want to talk the teacher privately. I didn't want to be an influence on her words-"

"You're not hiding anything are you?" Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"Well no.." Kankuro lied.

The redhead smiled, "Then you have nothing to worry about. Now, it's our turn, let's head up."

Kankuro nodded with a big fake smile, but as they walked up he looked back at Deidara with pleading eyes. He mouthed, "help me" and the blond only laughed at him and mouthed "Good luck".

Well, it was definitely the end, Kankuro thought to himself. He reluctantly sat in the chair beside his father. The teen could feel the misery and pungent smell of failure coming off the chair. He was doomed. He met his teachers stare.

"Sasori Akasuna, Kankuro's father. Pleasure to meet you Ms. Shinozaki," his father said politely, reaching out to shake hands with the woman.

The woman smiled brightly and shook his hand. "The pleasure is mine. Forgive me, but you look nothing like your dear son."

Sasori laughed and nodded, "Takes a lot after his mother - attitude and all. He's got my eyes at least."

Ms. Shinozaki laughed as well. "Oh, yes. It's a beautiful shade of brown. Reminds me of honey."

Kankuro sat there confused. Did his father do the same with his math teacher? Why the hell were they so smiley and giggly. Was… was his teacher flirting with his dad?

"So how is my son doing in your class?"

"Oh, he's absolutely wonderful!" his teacher gushed. "Such a willing participant. I always have to tell him to give everyone else a chance to answer questions during discussions."

Kankuro sat stunned.

"That's amazing," his father smiled. "If only he were like that at home. Getting this boy to do any chores is a challenge."

Ms. Shinozaki nodded as if she understood. "Teenage boys can be handful. But really, he is a wonderful student."

"I'm glad to hear that really," Sasori offered. "Perhaps you could show me some of his assignments? He's always reluctant to show me."

"Oh, yes! I'm glad you said something."

Kankuro swallowed harshly. His teacher could say nice things all day but that did nothing compared to his actual school work. To his surprise, however, the woman pulled out a test and paper that were both A's.

"Now he does make his B's and C's from time to time, but I thought I'd show you some of his better works."

Sasori nodded, "May I?"

Kankuro watched nervously as the paper was handed over to him. Could he tell that it wasn't Kankuro's work? Kankuro could.

The redhead looked over the work thoroughly, briefly reading through it. Seemingly content with the work, he handed it back to the teacher. "I'm impressed. You should've shown me sooner," he chided at his son.

"Bashful little thing, isn't he?"

"Only with school," Sasori chuckled.

"I'm sure he's just worried about all the silly little cliques kids make up."

Kankuro nearly groaned. Cliques were a real thing and he wasn't about to be socked with the nerds! Not that they would even want him… even the nerds had standards.

"I'm sure that's it. Being intellectual is a good thing, I haven't the slightest clue why kids see it as something nerdy or uncool. Knowledge is one of the coolest things in the world."

His teacher swooned in her seat and Kankuro buried his face in his hands. Why did his dad have to be such a… such a dad!?

"Oh, it appears our time is coming to close," Ms. Shinozaki pouted. She grabbed a pen out of her pen holder and scribbled something down on a nearby sticky note. "Here, this is my number. Feel free to call me any time to discuss Kankuro's grades or… anything else."

Sasori nodded and gave her smile. "I'll be sure to do that. Thank you."

Kankuro followed behind his dad as they rejoined with Deidara and the kids. He was absolutely speechless. His teachers were talking him up in hopes that his dad would give them a chance! How ridiculous! And just terrible, honestly. All of his teachers knew his parents were divorced. None of his male teachers ever hit on his mom or said good things about him. What gives!? However, perhaps it was all too good to be true. After all, they were heading to his next class which happened to have a male instructor. Surely this guy would be honest.

He sat next to his dad once more when it was their turn. His teacher was what Kankuro would call a manly man. He had big muscles and a beard that rivaled a lumberjack's. This man didn't take shit from anyone and most certainly would not lie for him.

"Afternoon," his father started, "Sasori Akasuna. Kankuro's father."

The man shook his hand, seeming a little surprised. "Yoshino. Nice to finally meet you."

"You as well. I've heard quite a bit about you from my son."

"All good things I hope."

Sasori laughed, "If there's one thing I taught my children it's to respect others. Especially those who take their time and compassion to teach or care for them."

Kankuro sat flabbergasted as his father schmoozed his way into his science teacher's stone cold heart. He had never once seen the burly man crack a smile, but here he was! Laughing and having a good time. As if he were talking to a long lost lover.

What astounded him even more was the fact that this teacher had went out of his way to lie as well. The teenager had no interests in science and only slept through this class as he had no friends to goof around with.

"I'd always hope he'd pick up on this kind of material," his father hummed. "After all, I am a pharmaceutical scientist. I've been teaching him these kinds of things since he was young."

The burly teacher nodded And seemed genuinely interested. "Science is a very important subject most kids look over."

Kankuro was so over this. Once his father finished up his meeting with the science teacher, the teenager decided to hang back once again. He stayed next to Deidara, the two just casually talking. The blond wasn't that bad when he wasn't stuck up his father's ass. In fact, Deidara told some damn hilarious stories about his father that he didn't know about.

The rest of the evening went well for them. Surprisingly Kankuro wasn't grounded by the end of the night and his father was impressed with his grades. The teenager was kinda glad that his father was good looking enough to distract his teachers.

The next day at school was terrible. Many of his teachers ended up bitching him out, telling him he needed to make better grades so that when they talked his father next time it wouldn't be a lie. Granted, Kankuro knew these ladies had no chance with his father, he wasn't sure how long they'd continue to lie for him. Guess it was time to find a study buddy.

One teacher was different. Once the bell had rang, his teacher had summoned him to her desk for what he assumed to be another lecture. She gave him a pointed look.

"Now, Kankuro, I'm sure that the other teachers have told you already. You need to try harder in your classes."

The teenager sighed and nodded. Of course all of Kankuro's teachers had a fan club meeting about his dad.

"I know being in a relationship can be very distracting, but you need to learn to balance your time between school and your boyfriend."

Kankuro nodded.

Then it hit him.

"Wh-Wh… wait what? Boyfriend!?"

His teacher scolded him, "There is no need to scream, young man. Yes, your boyfriend. The one with the blond hair. While, I admit that he does have some very defining features, you should not let that distract you."

Kankuro stood up flustered, the chair scraping across the floor. "No, No! You got it all wrong! Deidara is not my boyfriend! Hell-"

"Language!" his teacher snapped. "Forgive me if I misgendered her then. She had a very boyish… uhm charm? Is that rude to say?"

The teenager stared in disbelief.

"Regardless of gender, don't let your relationship get in the way of school."

Kankuro pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, I'm not gay…"

"I'm not here to judge, Kankuro."

The teenager groaned, "Please, no, just listen. I'm not gay and I'm not dating Deidara. He's dating my dad."

His teacher's eyes widened. "Your dad is dating her? Isn't she a bit young… Oh my," she muttered. "It's always the young and pretty ones. How unfair…"

Kankuro shook his head. "No! You're missing the point! Deidara is a DUDE. D-U-D-E. My dad is gay! He's the one into men! Not me!"

His teacher stared in disbelief. "No… you're kidding…"

"Oh, believe me I'm not! That blond brat is getting more action than any of us." Kankuro rubbed his face in embarrassment.

The woman stayed quiet.

"...Can I go now?"

She stared at him with a perplexed face. "So… he's really gay? Not bi?"

Kankuro checked his phone then looked at her. "Well, it's my dad's day off, so I'm pretty sure he's sucking dick right now."

"Language! Geez," she coughed. "Damn…"

"Language?" the teenager tried.

His teacher glared at him. "Well that sucks… it's always the good looking ones, I swear."

"Yep. Always. Seriously can I go now?"

"Yes, yes," his teacher sighed. "One last thing," she started.

Kankuro groaned, "Yes?"

"Are you sure you're not gay?"

At that, Kankuro left the classroom without another word. Oh boy, did he have a story to tell to Deidara later. He was sure the blond would get a kick out of it.


	10. The Best Dad in the World! pt 1

In honor of Dream Daddy finally being out and being an amazing game

Genre: dad rivals

WARNING: two dads trying to out dad each other

Rated: dream daddy

Word Count: 4107

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

Sasori took a step back and wiped his brow, admiring his perfectly tended garden. It had been such a long time since he was able to fix his precious petunias. At least they weren't wilting anymore… Off in the distance, he heard a humming noise come to a stop. He looked over and spotted his neighbor, Kakuzu. The redhead bit the inside of his cheek. Man, Kakuzu was pretty good looking. The guy was ripped - his back muscles flexing as he pushed his mower to a halt. Sweat glistening and sliding off his perfectly tanned skin. And check out that hawt man bun! He had several tattoos as well, the most prominent one being the ones on his back - a portrait of his four children. Of course the children were a bit older now, but Sasori had to commemorate his dedication.

"Hey, neighbor," Kakuzu grunted with a small grin. The bigger man pulled out a bandana from his back pocket and wiped his face with it.

Sasori cleared his throat, "Ah, hello, Kakuzu. How're you today?"

"Oh, you know," the taller male gestured to his yard, "just taking care of the ol' green carpet. I even trimmed up my prize-winning garden. You know, the best garden of the year award I've won three times in a row."

The redhead forced a smile, eye twitching. Oh, he remembered. He remembered watching bitterly through his window as his neighbor was given a big fat check and a pretty award sign to put in his pretty garden. Sasori took a glance at his garden - it wasn't that bad… but it definitely wasn't Kakuzu's garden.

"Ah, I only wish I had more time to garden. I've just been so busy with work and raising my children. Being a single dad and all…" Sasori stated nonchalant.

Kakuzu chuckled, "Tell me about it. Ever since the missus passed… well I do the best I can to raise my four munchkins. Don't even get me started on how much they cost me either."

Sasori inhaled deeply.

"The private school is expensive as hell, But I only want the best for my kids."

Of course his kids went to a private school. Sasori wanted the best for his children too, but… as Kakuzu had stated - private schools were expensive as hell! The redhead couldn't fathom why the well known penny pincher would spend so much for education, even if it was for the sake of his kids.

Sasori shrugged, "Yanno, I went to a private school as a child. Didn't teach me anything I didn't already want to learn. All three of my kids do excellent in public school."

The tanned male raised an eyebrow, "Oh, is that so? Aside from the education, I try to make sure they can participate in after school events as well. What extracurricular activities do your kids partake in?"

The redhead swallowed. Man, was it hot out here or what? He could feel the sun beating down on his precious porcelain skin. Damn his ginger genes. "Oh, uhm… well my youngest is too young for anything after school, but his teacher tells me he's pretty great at art… and sandbox sculptures!" He snapped his fingers, smiling proudly, "My little girl is captain of the cheerleading squad _and_ is captain of the volleyball team." Sasori deflated, "And my oldest… he, uhm…" What did that cranky teen do? He was always staying after school, but never telling Sasori why. "He helps tutor others after school…?" He said slowly, as if he wasn't sure himself.

Kakuzu crossed his arms, chuckling.

Sasori laughed weakly in response. "Uh, what about your kids, huh?"

"Glad you asked," the man grinned. "My oldest takes after her Pops and is captain of her soccer team. The second oldest runs the AV club and my other middle child is student body president. My youngest, oh boy, he's an intelligent little guy. Runs the chess club and is the teacher's assistant in both math and science classes."

Sasori felt his eyebrow twitch. "Oh, how nice. Your kids… seem nice."

"The sweetest." Kakuzu checked his watch. "Ah, speaking of the little angels, I got to pick them up. It was nice getting to talk with you. We should get together with the kids and hang out soon."

"Oh, yeah, definitely. Like camping or something," the redhead snorted sarcastically.

Kakuzu clasped a rough and heavy hand on Sasori's shoulder. "That's a wonderful idea. Camping it is. It'll have to be sometime next weekend. Got a soccer game to attend to this weekend, but hey- you could join us. It's be great to have some support for the girls. We can even hit up the pizza joint afterward. The kids will love it. What do you say?"

Sasori gave a crooked smile. "Sure thing, pal." The hand squeezed his shoulder and then gave him a hefty pat on the back. He nearly wheezed and fell over. Why the hell was this man so buff?!

"That's the spirit! See you Saturday, neighbor!" Kakuzu grunted happily before running back into his house to presumably put on a shirt and grab his keys.

Sasori stared at his neighbor's shiny red lawn mower. Damn what a nice model. He left his yard and calmly walked into his house. Then he collapsed into the couch. What the actual fuck did he just do?

* * *

Saturday evening rolled around faster than Sasori had expected it to. In fact, he almost forgot about the game until he got a message on Facebook from his neighbor as a reminder. When had he become friends with the man? He couldn't remember and that wasn't the point.

Sasori grabbed his keys and rushed around his home, trying to get his kids moving. He knocked on Kankuro's door. "Hey, we got to get moving! Game starts in thirty minutes! If we're late then he'll think poorly of us and I can't have that!"

He ran upstairs, ignoring the loud groan coming from the dungeon in which his son dwelled. He banged on Temari's door before opening it. "All girls soccer game. Have to leave now!" He closed it about to head toward his youngest son's room. Then he paused and opened his daughter's room again. "I'll also need you to tell me what's happening during the game because I know absolutely nothing."

Sasori quickly left again and found himself sweeping up Gaara in his arms. "Alright, kiddo, time to go."

The little redhead huffed at the fact that he couldn't finish his drawing, but didn't object at the fact that he was being carried. Temari had told him that once he turned eight that he'd stop getting carried around and Gaara didn't like the idea of that one bit. He'd take all the carrying he could until then.

Sasori practically flew down the stairs, small child in his arms. He yelled for his other children once more and began to frantically look for his keys. "Ah, keys! Keys! Keys! Where the hell are my keys?!" He muttered under his breath.

The front door opened.

Deidara popped in, backpack in hand. He was taken a bit back by his lovers frantic searching. "Lose something, Danna?"

Sasori nearly sighed at his young lover. He approached the boy, pulling him into a kiss all the while squishing Gaara between their chests. "Keys. Need them. Can't find them."

Deidara laughed and took Sasori's hand. "You mean these, un?"

The redhead blinked and looked at his left hand. Damnit. He kissed Deidara again, this one much more short lived than the first thanks to Gaara. "Right, right. Kankuro! Temari! Let's go!"

The two older siblings finally dragged themselves out of their rooms and followed their father out of the house. Deidara did as well, slightly confused.

"Where we heading? I don't remember you saying we had anything planned."

Sasori sighed as he got into the driver's seat. "I didn't remember either. We got invited to go see some soccer game by my neighbor." He heard Deidara let out a laugh. "Don't ask. I don't wanna talk about it."

When they pulled up at the school stadium, it brought back many memories for Sasori. Of course the private school in front of him was an entirely different one than he went to, but they all looked the same to him. Unpleasant and posh. Everything about the school was big and pristine, and the stadium was no exception. The family stepped out of the minivan in astonishment. While everyone - except Sasori - was impressed, the redhead glared up at the sparkly stadium. Repressed memories of wedgies and the water cooler be dumped on him flooded his mind.

"Come on, Danna, we should go find our seats, un."

Sasori felt a little better as the blond clung to him. Sure he was what Kankuro was could call a "mega nerd" back in the day, but look at him now! Good paying job, good looking kids, good looking boyfriend… good looking in general! All at thirty six nonetheless! Take that Baki! Sasori nodded triumphantly and led his family down into the stadium.

Not surprisingly, it was packed. Sasori had assumed that it wouldn't be a very big thing. Especially since it was an all girl's game. Not that he thought they didn't deserve a crowd! Oh, definitely not! It always managed to piss him off how little people came to Temari's volleyball games. This was on a whole new level though. It was like the whole damn school was there! He looked around, trying to scout out his neighbor. Suddenly, he was approached by a big mascot. It looked like some kind bug thing… Maybe a dragonfly? Whatever the hell it was it definitely had spooked Deidara.

"Argh! WHat the fUCk is tHat!?" the male nearly screeched as he hid behind the redhead. "Oh god, it's LOOKING AT ME, UN. Danna! MAke it stOP!"

The redhead chuckled and hushed his childish lover. "Just a mascot, Dei. Honestly…" he shook his head. "Uhm, hello…?"

The mascot did a happy dance but then lunged toward the couple. Deidara freaked and pulled the redhead down with him. Sasori wasn't too happy, but felt a fire start as soon as the mascot pulled off it's head. That punk!

Deidara glanced up from his position on the ground. Then he jumped to his feet, snarling. "Hidan! What the hell?!" He grabbed the other male by the front of his costume and presumed to shake the man. This didn't phase the albino much and he only laughed as his friend tried to rattle common sense into his friend's brain.

Sasori stood up and dusted himself off. It was at that same time that a familiar man jogged up to him. He was wearing a coach outfit. Kakuzu. OF COURSE HE COACHED THE SCHOOL'S SOCCER TEAM. OF COURSE.

"Glad you could make it!" Kakuzu grunted happily as he patted Sasori on the shoulder like he always did. "I see you've met Hidan," the man sighed. "Kid is a handful, honestly. Oh, but it's lovely to see the kids." The man dug through his pocket and handed everyone a tiny piece of candy. Everyone except Hidan.

"What the hell, man!?"

Kakuzu waved the college teen off, clearly used to ignoring the annoying albino. "Now, who is this?" he asked referring to Deidara. "I don't remember you mentioning another kid? Perhaps she's Kankuro's girlfriend?"

Both Kankuro and Deidara let out groans simultaneously.

Sasori chuckled and shook his head. "Actually," he motioned the blond over, "this is my boyfriend, Deidara." He planted a sweet kiss on top of the blond's head.

"Oh!" Kakuzu's eyes widened. "I see… huh." The man seemed disappointed? "Ah, well it's nice to meet you, Deidara."

The blond shook the bigger man's hand, eyes widening as the hand swallowed his. This guy was a monster! Kinda hot… but a monster!

Sasori tightened his arm around his lover. "Mind taking the kids to our seats, Dei?"

The blond looked up at the redhead, confused for a moment. Then he smiled and laughed, "Sure thing, un." He gave Sasori a short, yet passionate kiss and led the man's children up the stadium. Not without flipping Hidan the bird though. In which Hidan retaliated with his ugly mascot, giving chase to the blond.

This left Sasori and Kakuzu.

The redhead spoke up first, feeling slightly more confident. "So, you coach regularly?"

Kakuzu offered a small smile, "Ah, not always. The current coach is with his wife about ready to have a baby. Told him I'd step in for him."

Sasori nearly rolled his eyes. Why did Kakuzu have to be such a good person? "That's nice of you. Oh, looks like the game is about to start. Guess I should go join the others. See you after the game?"

The taller male grinned, "Definitely."

Joining his children and Deidara up in the stands, he eyed his neighbor below. He rarely took interest in the game and solely focused on the man. It seemed like Kakuzu was always trying to one up him and he needed to find a way to beat this guy! Or at least prove he was better at something than him. A nudge to his side brought his attention to his lover.

"Staring at another man for so long is bound to make me jealous, Danna," Deidara joked. "Even if he is pretty hot."

Sasori pouted and furrowed his eyebrows, "Hey! You can't call him hot! He… He's the enemy!"

Deidara rolled his eyes, "What on earth are you even talking about? Have you not been checking him out this whole time?"

"No!" the redhead waved his hands in defense. "So what if he's good looking!? I'm good looking too!"

The blond gave him a confused look, as did many other patrons nearby. "Yes, Danna, you are very good looking."

Sasori frowned, "But… like better looking than him? Right?" Oh god, what if Sasori was losing his youthful good looks!? He was almost forty. Oh geez. What if Deidara decided he didn't want to be with him anymore? He didn't want to be a single, lonely dad! A hand to his face caught his attention and pulled him from his dark thoughts.

"You're going to get worried lines, un." The blond pressed his lips against Sasori's and chuckled softly, "Whatever you're thinking about - Stop."

Sasori flushed lightly.

"My Danna is the most handsomest man in the world, and I could never ever have a man as beautiful, thoughtful, and loving as him~"

"Deidara…" the redhead muttered, leaning into the hand.

"Besides," Deidara smirked, "you're the only daddy for me."

Sasori sighed loudly, but still kissed the blond. "Way the ruin the mood, brat, but… thank you."

"Gosh," Temari sighed, "you two are so… corny. It's kinda cute…"

Kankuro rolled his eyes, "Sickeningly sweet."

Gaara smiled and crawled between the two. "Daddy and Deidara is the best!"

Just seeing his lovely family brought a smile to Sasori's face and made him completely forget about his rivalry with Kakuzu.

Until they reached the pizza palace of course. There his rivalry was rekindled and a fire in his heart burned as he wished to out-dad the other.

As soon as the two dads entered the restaurant, their children, and Deidara and Hidan, scattered. The two fathers both got in line to order their pizzas and drinks.

"As a thank you for coming to the game, I'll cover your costs," Kakuzu offered.

Sasori shook his head, "Oh no no, I wouldn't want you to do anything like that. If anything, _I'd_ like to pay for you and your kids."

Kakuzu seemed to mull over the idea before shrugging, "If you insist." He ordered first and pointed to Sasori behind him, "My buddy is covering the cost." Then he went to go fetch them seats.

Sasori couldn't help but feel duped.

Kakuzu - one. Sasori - zero.

The redhead rejoined his company, finding the man's oldest sitting with him. He sat down across from them. "Ah, so you're the soccer superstar," he greeted. "I'm Sasori, your dad's friend and neighbor."

The girl looked up at him and smiled, "I've heard quite a bit about you. It's nice to finally put a face to the name. I'm Atsuhi." She stuck her hand out for the older male to shake.

Sasori took the hand, eyebrow raised. Kakuzu talked about him? For how long and why? Also, why the hell was his oldest so much more well-mannered? Why couldn't Kankuro be polite like this? Speak of the little devil…

"Hey dad, can we get a few more coins. I'm trying to beat Deidara and his punk friend at this game and I-" he paused as he caught sight of the neighbor's pretty daughter. "I… I, uhm… why'd I come over here again?"

Kakuzu reached into his wallet and handed Kankuro a few bills. "Here ya go," he grunted, making eye contact. It was as if he knew that the redhead's son was eyeballing his precious darling daughter.

Kankuro nodded, "Uh, thanks... " He quickly darted off.

Sasori chuckled and shook his head. It was rare to see his son so flustered. He definitely was going to use this against him later. "All tuckered out from the game? Or do you not like cheap arcade games that rip you off?"

Atsuhi laughed, "Both actually, but… I'm no good at video games… or arcade games. Any type of game that isn't a sport actually. My dad, however, is _amazing_ at them. Isn't that right Pops?"

Kakuzu cleared his throat. "Oh, yeah. Pretty good at em."

Sasori narrowed his eyes, still smiling. "Oh, me too. The pizza won't be out for a while… perhaps we could… play a little."

"Just for fun," the tan male nodded.

The two daddies stood and hunted down the nearest cash-for-coin machine they could find. At the same time of their departure, Temari slid into the booth a serious look crossing her face.

"Tell me, do you find my brother attractive? If so, please do feel the need to take him home and lock him away in your basement. Don't worry, he's a dungeon dweller… or so my dad says. He'll be fine down there with the spiders. Oh! Make sure you feed and water him often as he gets cranky if not well taken care of. I have a contract… if you'd just sign right here…"

With a hand full of coins, both Kakuzu and Sasori made their way around the arcade searching for a family, friendly, and fun competitive game. Oooh, look skeeball! Kakuzu turned to Sasori. "You a gamblin man?"

Sasori chuckled, "Only on the weekends. Oh, would you look at that? It's the weekend." Definitely not. The redhead couldn't gamble to save his life. Now, if he were kidnapped and his only way to get free was to guess each and every pair of Deidara's panties he'd be a free man in no time. That didn't make him a pervert, did it? Eeh…

"How about a little wager then?" Kakuzu smirked.

"Depends…"

The tan male chuckled, "Nothing too outrageous. How about… loser has to babysit the winner's kids for one night."

Sasori could already feel the headache forming from seven children rampaging through his normally quiet home. On the other hand, if he won that meant a whole night with no kids. He could have Deidara over and they could… Or better yet he could have the whole night to himself! Oh, how he dreamed to read a good book and go to bed early! "You're so on!"

So the game began. The two adults threw the heavy balls down the lane, racking up points and drawing a crowd. It was intense and Sasori could only think the high heavens for his excellent bowling skills. Deidara and his sons cheering him on in the background… He could do this! He could so do this!

They were neck and neck. Kakuzu only a few points behind Sasori.

The redhead rolled his last ball. It went up the ramp with a valiant speed and curved just as he planned. Oh yes! Get that 100! It hit the edge of the hole. And as if time had slowed, Sasori could see it lingering on the edge for a millisecond. Then it fell backward, bounced off all of the other holes and rolled back down the lane right at him. The buzzer went off. He stared in disbelief at the tiny brown ball. Then at their scores. Kakuzu - 120215. Sasori - 120200.

Sasori crumbled to the ground, half of his body on the lane. He could feel the weight of losing on his shoulders. He could never face his children or Deidara ever again. What a failure of a dad he was! Couldn't even win at skeeball! The child's version of bowling! Something he was supposed to be good at! A heavy hand clasped his shoulder. He looked up with bleary eyes.

"Good game, pal," Kakuzu grinned.

He helped the poor redhead up, Sasori inwardly groaning. Did he have to be such a good sport too!? What a gracious winner.

After the very serious game of skeeball, the group of eleven people sat down to enjoy some greasy pizza and bubbly sodas. Even though Sasori was still sulking in his loss, he had to admit he was having fun spending time with his family and frenemy. He looked around the table - it was good to see his kids interacting with other children for once.

"Ah, I guess I should formally introduce to my children," Kakuzu started. "You already met Atsuhi, my oldest. Boys, introduce yourself."

As if they had been waiting their whole life for this, the three boys were suddenly attentive and eagerly introducing themselves to the Akasuna family.

A short boy with neatly pulled back hair spoke, "Hello, Mr. Akasuna! My name is Raiden! I'm ten years old and really love school! I heard you're a scientist! That's super cool! I'd love to be a doctor when I grow up! Maybe some day, when your back finally gives out, you can come to me to get it fixed and a refill of Vicodin!"

Sasori stared wide eyed at the little brat. Firstly, the kid was way too excitable, and secondly, there was no way in hell he'd ever see that little punk doctor! Way too damn smart for a ten year old.

The next to speak was the second oldest. He was just as excitable as his younger brother. "Name's Daichi. I love racing bikes and playing in the mud! I get hurt quite a bit… but that doesn't mean I'm some dumb kid!" The boy's cheeks puffed out in annoyance. "I'm head of my A/V club, I'll have you know!" Daichi nudged the brother next to him. They looked about the same age.

The boy next to him fidgeted in his seat. He seemed quite shy and had even longer hair than his sister. "H-Hayate Takihama…" the boy thrust a hand out. "P-P-Pleased to meet you!"

Sasori shook the nervous hand.

"I'm… I'm the sc-school body p-p-president… I'm o-only thir… thirteen. U-Uh, Daichi… w-w-we're twins! H-He likes to p-p-pretend that we're n-not though…"

Good god, could this kid talk any slower? The redhead wasn't exactly a patient man and he nearly told the kid to just spit it out. How was this kid elected student body president? Didn't that require being well spoken? Thank God none of his kids were this painfully shy. Even little Gaara was more pronounced than this preteen.

"Ah, well it's nice to meet you all." Sasori turned to his children. "Guys?"

Gaara smiled shyly and gave a small wave. "Hi."

The redhead rubbed his neck, "This is Gaara. He's a bit shy."

He glared at his other two children, as if trying to send them telepathic messages. _Introduce yourself!_

Kankuro swallowed, "Uh, I'm Kankuro… and no! Deidara is not my girlfriend!" He looked around a bit nervous. "Not that anyone asked, but… just so it's known!"

"Seconded," Deidara butted in.

"Temari, your turn," the eldest teen grumbled, nudging his sister.

The blond girl sighed and glanced up from her phone. "I'm Temari. I like cheerleading, sports, boybands, and make up."

Sasori nearly face palmed as his children did anything but impress their neighbor. At least they tried. He coughed, trying to distract the other family from the conversation. "Ahem, right. So, the weather…"


	11. Halloween Special pt 1

Ya'll seriously need to thank chaann for motivating my ass. And all the ideas she spoils me with so that you can read more daddy.

Genre: dad goes to a party

Rated: sicc chugs

Word Count: 4805

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden (and chaann at this point tbh)

* * *

"You want me to what?" the redhead asked, eyebrow arching. At the edge of his bed, on the floor sat his favorite little blond, begging for him. In his hands he held two bags - one full of makeup and the other with some clothes.

"I want you to come to a Halloween party with me, un!" the blond whined.

Sasori sighed and put down his book. "A Halloween party? I thought you were going trick-or-treating on Halloween with us," he frowned.

Deidara nodded, "Of course I am! The party is this weekend!" He exclaimed excitedly. "C'mon, Danna, it'll be fun. You never got to go to parties in college, right?"

Ouch. "I was a little busy with actual school work and studying for exams. Something you should be focusing on yourself," he scolded, a little salty at the jab about his college experience.

The blond rolled his eyes and climbed onto the bed. "I wasn't trying to insult you, geez. What I meant is that, because you were so focused you never got to have any fun. You have to be a little curious, un."

Sasori turned away from the blond's gaze. "College parties are just full of underage kids drinking and taking advantage of other kids under the influence." He grabbed his book again, to resume his reading.

Deidara plucked the book from his hands.

"H-Hey!"

The blond set his book the the side, making sure it was bookmarked, and straddled his lover. "Stop thinking like a dad."

Sasori sneered, "I am a dad."

Deidara sighed, "Danna, please." He ran his fingers down Sasori's chest, before sliding them up his shirt. "I just wanna show off my amazing boyfriend at a fun party, un. I won't even drink if it means you'll come."

The redhead's face dropped, eying the blond boy. He sometimes forgot he was sixteen years older than his lover. Deidara was still a young adult - still wanting to experience new things and adventures. Deidara was certainly a fiery kid and parties definitely seemed up his alley, and it wasn't like he did bad in school. No, Deidara did really well, despite his many… distractions.

"I really shouldn't…" the redhead muttered, "but I guess it wouldn't hurt to go."

Deidara let out a squeal of excitement and wrapped his arms around the redhead. "Thank you!" He hopped off the bed and picked up his forgotten bags. "I already have our costumes picked out, un!"

Sasori chuckled as he watched his lover begin to pull out items from the bag. It honestly just looked like thrift shop clothes. Overalls? Striped sweater? Honestly, that sweater looked like something he owned already… "Ah! Is that a wedding dress?!"

Deidara laughed at the older man's surprise. "Yes, it is! And look!" He pulled out a shiny black leather jacket. "Have you caught on yet?"

"Uh…" Sasori scanned the scattered contents. "...is that orange hair dye?"

The blond picked up the can and tossed it to his lover. "It's not permanent. It'll wash out, un."

Sasori shook his head, "I still don't get it."

Deidara pouted, "Awh, come on. It's totally obvious!"

"Obviously not."

The blond rolled his eyes and whipped out his phone. He searched for a moment before showing the screen to the male. "Seeeee? Someone as old as you should've known what movie these costumes were from."

Sasori adjusted his glasses and brought the phone closer to his face. He raised an eyebrow. "Chucky and his bride…? I've never watched those movies. Chiyo didn't allow it. Said it'd bring bad spirits into the house or something- Why're you staring at me like that?"

Deidara giggled, leaning up to give the man a kiss. "Nothing, un. It's just cute how much of a dork you are."

"Wha- hey, I'm not a dork," the redhead huffed. "Just because I wasn't allowed to watch scary movies as a kid-"

"Please, how old were you really?" Deidara scrolled a bit through his phone. "It came out in 1988 - damn that's old."

Sasori crossed his arms, "I would've been around seven years old or so."

Deidara looked up at his lover. "Oh."

"Oh?"

"Nothing, nothing. Never mind. Look, it'll be cute. And we can totally watch the movies later. They're classics."

"You weren't even born yet when the movie came out. I don't think you have the right to call it a classic," the redhead chuckled. "But, I'm not opposed, I suppose. You'll have to help me with the make-up and that hair dye."

Deidara smiled, "Of course!"

"Now, get up here so I can get some sleep."

The blond smirked and crawled back into bed. "Who said anything about sleep~?"

Sasori rolled his eyes and pulled the blond close. He gave the blond a chaste kiss, as if agreeing with his suggestive idea. "Oh," he said suddenly, pulling away.

"Un?"

"If I ever catch you drinking, I will seriously whoop your ass."

Deidara chuckled, "Will you ground me too?"

Sasori stared at his lover seriously.

The blond sighed, "Alright, alright. I get it, un. I'll wait another year." He looped his arms around the older man. "Always so serious and uptight. Lemme help you relax~"

The redhead snorted, but allowed the other male to ease back into kissing him. Sure he was a bit "uptight" as the blond put it. He had to be! He had kids - sneaky kids. If he ever found out that any of his precious babies had soiled their tastebuds with alcohol, well… well he just might have to ground them for a thousand years!

The weekend came by faster than Sasori realized. For the first time ever, he had to hire an actual babysitter. Normally, he'd ask Kankuro or Deidara, but that wasn't an option this time. He had searched all week for the perfect babysitter. Luckily for him, his neighbor had a really nice daughter who was willing to babysit. Sasori was sure that if Kankuro knew that Atsuhi was babysitting he'd stay home. Too bad the teen was staying the night at a friend's house.

It was nine at night and Deidara was getting them both ready. Sasori had dressed himself accordingly and felt his face heat up as he glanced at himself in the mirror. He hadn't dressed up for Halloween since… well forever! Chiyo didn't like Halloween - claimed that it was holiday invented by the perverts to snatch children up. Actually, he only ever dressed up for Halloween once and that was for a school party. He could remember everyone laughing at his poorly made robo costume. A costume he worked so hard on…

"Okey, Danna, what do you think~?" the blond chirped, strutting out of the bathroom.

Sasori glanced away from the mirror to view his lover. His mouth dropped open and his eyes bugged. Then his face became very stern. "You're not wearing that."

"Whaaat? Why not?" the boy pouted. "I thought it'd be cuuute!" he said, doing a little twirl.

The redhead bit his bottom lip as he caught sight of the blond's silky black panties. "It's… It's too revealing."

Deidara huffed and approached his boyfriend. "It's not _that_ short, un."

"I saw your panties."

The blond gave a sly smile. "Oh? My bad~"

"Deidara-" the redhead stared, his voice scolding.

Said boy pouted and clung to his lover. "Aw, c'mon, Danna. It's a Halloween party. If I don't wear something skimpy I'll look like a total loser~ All the pretty girls wear skimpy costumes, un!"

Sasori sighed, "Well, you're not a pretty girl."

"How rude."

The redhead rolled his eyes. "I just… Don't get mad if I get jealous…"

Deidara chuckled and kissed his lover. "I won't be mad, but, hey there's no need for you to get jealous~ You're the only one who will get to take me home tonight."

Sasori returned the kiss quickly, pulling away to reexamine the boys outfit. "Even the top is too short…"

"Oh no, what will I do if everyone sees my nipples!?" the blond laughed.

The redhead moved the blond's jacket to expose more of the boy's chest. "Huh…"

Deidara smirked, gesturing to the fake tattoo. "You like? Now everyone will know who has my heart, un!"

Sasori chuckled, "I suppose that works. Really though…"

The blond groaned, "Danna, seriously."

"Alright, alright. Go ahead and do what you need to do. Makeup, right?" Sasori muttered, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

Deidara perked up.

After an hour of makeup applying and hair spraying, Sasori was finally finished. His hair had been pushed out of his face and dyed orange mostly at the ends. His face was caked in special fx makeup. And his poor outfit was ripped and covered in fake blood. He really would have liked to keep the sweater honestly…

"Soooo? How'd I do?" Deidara asked.

"It looks good. I'm impressed," he smiled.

Deidara squealed in excitement. "Great! Okey, I just gotta apply my lipstick and we can go!"

Sasori watched in interest as Deidara covered his pretty pink lips in a dark shade of purple. "I don't think I've ever seen you wear colors this dark," he said, regarding the blond's current makeup.

"Yeah," Deidara laughed. "The lipstick is pretty dark-" he gasped suddenly, as if he just had an epiphany. "Danna, kiss me."

"Huh?"

Deidara gave the redhead no time to question him further before he was pressing his lips everywhere against the older man. Lips, cheeks, and some even down his neck.

The redhead flushed as Deidara pulled away. Deidara's tousled hair, plump lips smeared due to his heavy kissing, and those pretty eyes staring up at him happily.

The blond gave him one last kiss. "There we go, un." He chuckled, "Looks like you wanted more, huh? Maybe after the party~" He tugged on one of Sasori's overall straps. "C'mon, let's go party!"

The party was already set in motion by the time they got there. It only took Deidara a few moments to reapply his lipstick, but as soon as he was done he dragged his lover out of the car.

Sasori was nervous. It was true he had never been to a college party. Going to a college party as a father was just a bit embarrassing. Hopefully no one would realize he was actually an old man- oh, god he could feel the headache already forming. The music was loud and trashy. He was pretty sure Deidara had made him listen to this stuff before. What did he call it again? Dancestep? Electric dub music? Something weird.

"Lighten up, Danna! It's not that bad," the boy laughed as he caught sight of Sasori's scowl.

"Uh, yeah. So, what do you do at a party anyway?" Sasori asked, sticking close to his lover as they pushed past several kids.

Deidara led them to a party buffet table. Actually, looking close at it, it definitely wasn't a table. Just a door somebody had taken off the hinges to use as a table. What monsters.

"Well, you can start off with eating or drinking, un," the blond started. He looked around to see if he could spot his idiot best friend in the crowd of people.

Sasori eyed the many unhealthy snacks and food choices. He was surprised to not see a single beer or bottle of liquor, just punch. "Huh, I thought all college parties would have alcohol." He served himself some of the delicious looking fruit punch.

"Eh, it's supposed to be a dry campus," Deidara commented. The blond turned to his lover. "Just don't drink the punch-" Oh shit.

Sasori raised an eyebrow, gulping down the last of his punch. He scooted closer. "Huh? What was that?" he asked past the abrasive music.

Deidara shook his head, "Uh, nothing." He eyeballed the punch. Did they not spike it already?

"You want some punch?" Sasori practically yelled. Was the music getting louder or was it just him?

Deidara shook his head again. "I'll just have a soda." He gave a small chuckle as he heard Sasori mention something about soda being unhealthy.

"Heeeey bitches!"

The couple turned around to find Deidara's best friend. He was wearing a pair of tight, dark blue briefs with stripes on the sides. Connected to his briefs were suspenders that stretched across his skin. He wore no shirt and his chest looked pretty oily, like he had been covered in lube.

Sasori immediately glared at the albino.

Deidara rolled his eyes. "You seriously went for that costume?"

Hidan laughed, "I look pretty damn sexy if you ask me!" He looked at his friend's lover and smiled widely. "I'm equipped to put out any fire with my hose, if you know what I mean," he winked at the redhead.

The redhead, not understanding the flirting was for him, took a protective stance in front of his lover. "Keep playing with fire and you'll end up getting burned," the man all but hissed.

Deidara snickered, "Awh, is this what you were talking about, Danna?"

Sasori went rigid. "No. I'm going to get more punch," he growled, stomping off to another direction.

The blond laughed and smacked the albino square in the chest. "Stop hitting on my boyfriend." He scrunched up his nose in disgust as he wiped his hand on the side of Hidan's shorts. "What the fuck is all over you?"

"Baby oil," Hidan smirked. "Hey, he knows the punch is spiked, right?" The albino asked, pointing at the redhead over by the buffet.

Deidara put his hands on his hips. "Huh, I thought it was! Can he not taste it, un?"

"Heard Obito spiced that shit up. Can't even taste the liquor," Hidan laughed. "Speaking of the little shit, he told me that he could set me up with some hot pieces of ass. A menage-a-trois~"

The blond shook his head.

"Although, if you're willing to share, I'm sure we can sandwich that sexy daddy-"

"Alright, that's enough of you. Go find Obito and use your "firehose" somewhere else." Deidara rolled his eyes. He patted his friend on the shoulder and excused himself. He went on a hunt to find his lover, who had managed to slip away from the table. Deidara searched every end of the house, not finding the redhead. He was almost glad Sasori wasn't around. With the amount of times he was groped or his dress was lifted, the older male would've either made them leave or go into dad mode. Finally, he found the redhead. He was walking around, collecting trash and moving cups to sit under makeshift coasters.

"Danna! There you are! I've been looking for you-"

The redhead dropped more trash in the trash bag. "Dei," the man sighed. "Look at what they've done to this home!" He approached the male and showed him the contents in the bag. "They just keep throwing their trash on the ground, and on the couch, and... and… look at the ceiling! Who throws bologna on the ceiling!? I thought they only did that in movies-" the man paused, looking Deidara over. "Damn… you look… incredible."

Deidara blushed and laughed, "Oh, boy… are you feeling alright, Danna?"

Sasori dropped the trash bag. "Yes! No? I don't know… I think I'm drunk!" He swooped the blond up in a hug. "I'm also really horny…"

The blond hugged the man back. "I can tell… Did you have anything besides the punch?"

"Just some brownies… they tasted really funny. Oh! And some of these little candies in a dish. Some kid offered them to me. Said they were breath mints, but I don't think they were-"

Deidara shook his head and covered the redhead's mouth. "Geez, Sasori. You really got yourself into some trouble, un." He giggled at the ticklish feeling of the man kissing his palm. "Why'd you wander off anyway? And why did you start cleaning?"

Sasori sighed and pulled the boy close again. "I didn't want to leave you, but that punk was all over you and-"

"Hidan wasn't all over me," Deidara rolled his eyes, laughing.

"And then I just kinda lost you. Felt outta place and a little light headed. Got more punch… then I saw how messy it was getting." The man groaned, squeezing Deidara's waist. "Have I told you how incredible you look in this? I just want to… to take you out of here and play with you all night long. Like the pretty doll you are."

Deidara squealed quietly as the redhead slipped his hands lower. "Ah, geez! Not here, Danna!" He grabbed the male's hands and lifted them higher on his waist. "Look, how about we go find somewhere to sit, un?"

Sasori nodded and allowed the blond to whisk him away. They stumbled, well Sasori did, around for a bit until they finally found an open spot on a couch. Next to them were some other kids, but they didn't seem to mind the couple. As soon as they were sitting, Sasori pulled the blond in for a kiss.

Deidara tried to pull out of the kiss, immediately hearing cat calls and wolf whistles. The redhead's grip was strong, however, and he could feel the heated stares people were giving them. "Danna," he whined in a whisper. A hand slowly snaked up his fishnet clad thighs.

"If you say my name like that-" the man started in a husky tone.

"Duuude! You're such a boss!" a voice interrupted from beside them. Several other people cheered as well, encouraging the teenager.

Sasori and Deidara both looked over, spotting a guy in a pretty kick-ass Batman costume. He had two cups in his hands, drinks unknown to the couple. He'd chug one down, just to do the other. He'd swallow it down, waiting for a moment before burping rather loudly.

"That's like your fifth one!" one guy laughed.

Deidara rolled his eyes. Frat boys could be such meatheads. No wonder Hidan fit in so well. He felt a weight shift, Sasori leaning over him more. "Hm?"

"What? Only five cups? Puh-lease, I could do like… ten."

The blond frowned, "Oh no, your competitive side is coming out. Just say no, Dan-"

"Is that a challenge?" the teenage Batman cackled. "You already look past your limit, dude."

"Dude? Who are you calling dude? I can totally wipe the floor with your punk ass. Pass me a drink- No, pass me ten cups of whatever he's having," Sasori replied.

Deidara nearly facepalmed. "You're gonna regret this tomorrow, un," he murmured.

Sasori smirked and kissed the blond. "Shh, don't worry. I'm gonna win this thing, and when I do…" He grasped the blond's thigh a little tighter, "I'll take you home and-"

"Drinks up, slut!"

The redhead blinked, then pushed the blond back further into the couch. "Slut? Now that really is not a nice thing to say-" He picked up the first cup and downed it all in one gulp. "This isn't soda?" He shook his head, already determined. He took one cup after another until he finally finished his tenth one. "This all you got?"

The teenagers all stared in awe before cheering loudly. "Duuude! That's some sick chugs!"

"Get Chucky another drink!"

Suddenly, the room was crowding around the couch. They began to chant, "Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots!"

Sasori smirked, burping a bit, as more cups were set up in front of him and the kid dressed as Batman.

"Who can ever drink the most shots in twenty seconds will be dubbed the king of this party! And I'll give them whatever I have in my wallet…" the kid dug around in his pocket for a moment. "Which is, uh, five thousand yen and a condom."

Sasori smirked at his competitor. Twenty shots in twenty seconds? Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Deidara tugged on the redhead's sleeve. "Please, un… You're gonna get sick…"

The redhead held a finger up to the "judges" and turned to his lover. "H-Hey, don't w-worry, baby. I'm gonna w-win and then we make l-love all niiiight long, okey?" he hiccupped. "I'm- I'm just having some fun, okey?"

The blond sighed, letting the man give him a kiss. "Alright, alright."

"Ch-Cheer for me?"

Deidara laughed and kissed the male one last time. "Always. Now drink up and live up the frat boy experience!"

Sasori nodded and turned back to his contest. Everyone cheered, getting excited as the two slouched over their drinks.

"On the count of three! One… two… three!"

The redhead was quick to take his first three shots. It burned as it went down his throat. It had been quite a while since he had… vodka? As he took another shot, he eyeballed his competitor. The guy was six in, while Sasori was four in. No way was Sasori about to lose to some baby punk!

"C'mon, Danna! I believe in you!" He could hear his lover cheer above everyone else.

His desire to win increased.

"Ten seconds left!"

Swallowing down the nausea that was bubbling up, Sasori started double handing the shots. He'd slam the cup down so fast that the red plastic would crush under the intensity.

"FIVE!"

"FOUR!"

Just a little more to go. Only two more shots!

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

"Oh, shit, I think I'm gonna hurl!" the teenager beside him exclaimed.

"ONE!"

As the last second was counted down, Sasori slammed his cup down and swallowed. He stood up as the crowd went wild. People cheered and reached out to give the redhead many high fives or fist bumps. He even got his prizes like he was promised!

Sasori looked down at his competitor, who was wiping away some fresh vomit from his face. He smiled and patted the guy on the shoulder. "You did good, kid!"

The teenage Batman laughed and stood up shakily. "Du-Dude! That was- shit, totally sick!" He held up a hand.

Deidara burst into laughter as he watched the two try to high five, but miss miserably a few times before finally connecting palms. The blond stood up, latching onto his lover. "Hey, we should probably call it a night, huh?"

Sasori pouted, "I dun wanna goooo~"

The blond chuckled, "You're gonna end up getting alcohol poisoning if you drink any more, un."

"I didn't have any drinks," the redhead laughed. He wobbled as Deidara tried to walk him around. "Hey, where are we going?"

"Back home, silly."

Sasori nodded, a smirk creeping across his features. "Ohhh ho ho, somebody's getting laaaaid!~" He kissed the blond's neck. "It's me, right?"

Deidara giggled, "Mm, depends. Only if you're a good boy who will eat lots of crackers and drink water for me~" He held the door open, ushering the redhead out into the cold air.

The redhead laughed, "I don't think I've ever done food play before-" the male paused.

"Danna?"

"Oh, fuck."

Deidara's eyes widened as the man held himself against the wall and violently threw up. "Oh, geez. Stay here, un! Don't move. I'll get you some water." He was only gone for a few seconds, but within that time he managed to find Sasori drinking from another red cup that he assumed some random party goer had given him. "Danna!" He scolded, snatching the cup away.

Sasori frowned, "H-Hey…"

The blond rolled his eyes and handed the redhead the cup of water. "No more drinking."

"My mouth tasted bad.." he muttered. He moved the water out of the way as he felt more bile rise in his throat. "Oh, f-fuck…" he groaned, slinking to the ground as he threw up again.

Deidara crouched down beside his lover, rubbing soothing circles on his back. "There, there, Danna. Seems somebody had too much to drink, huh? I told you, you'd get sick."

The redhead groaned, "I-I'm fine…" He looked up at his lover, "Hey, Dei…"

"Yes, honey?"

Sasori blinked then giggled a little at the pet name. "Can… can we still have sex?"

Deidara gave a small smile, laughing. "Maybe after you brush your teeth. Let's go home, okey? And if you have to throw up, let me know so I can pull over."

The next morning was hell for Sasori. His head was pounding and he couldn't stand without feeling dizzy. It was like he was still drunk. He had to keep a trash bin by his bed, as all he could do was empty his stomach. Luckily for him, Deidara was such a sweet boyfriend. The blond ran around, taking care of him all day.

"I told you, you'd get alcohol poisoning, un," the blond scolded. He handed the man a cold glass of water and some medicine that the redhead had requested. "You're probably gonna be like this for a good few days, un."

Sasori groaned, "Sucks…" He accepted the water and pills graciously. "Shit, Halloween is in two days… If I don't get better by then-"

"Hey, I can always take the kids, un."

The redhead raised an eyebrow, "You'd do that?"

"Of course!" the blond smiled. "I mean," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I was the one who suggested you come to the party and you did… soooo I'll take the kiddos trick-or-treating, un!"

Sasori smiled, and before he could say anything he was hurling into a trashcan.

Deidara rubbed the older man's back, cooing over the poor sick father. "Awh, you look like me when I had my first hangover."

Sasori glared up from the trashcan briefly.

"Whoops," The blond laughed.

A knock at the bedroom door interrupted them. Before Deidara or Sasori could reply, Kankuro popped in.

"Hope your decent!" He exclaimed, barging in.

Deidara smirked, "Now imagine if we weren't. How awkward would that be, un?"

Kankuro rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. "Anyways," he started, plopping down on the edge of his father's bed, "I just wanted to see how you guys were doing. Have fun at the party?"

"A little too much," Deidara teased.

Sasori groaned, "Why didn't you tell me that the punch was spiked?"

The blond laughed, "I tried to tell you, but it was too late. You were such an out of control teenager, un. Can't even hold your liquor."

Kankuro snorted, "My dad? An out of control teenager? No way, not possible!"

Sasori huffed, "I can too hold my liquor. I just shouldn't drink too fast." He gulped down his water, trying to rinse the taste of vomit out. "I actually won a drinking contest, I'll have you know!"

"Too bad we didn't even get to use that condom," Deidara sighed sadly.

"Deidara-" Sasori started to scold.

Kankuro rolled his eyes, "Ew, tmi, you two."

"You should've asked for something better, un. Twenty shots in twenty seconds is worth more than a condom and some pocket change!"

Something clicked in Kankuro's head. "Wait… you took twenty shots in twenty seconds?"

Sasori exhaled heavily, "Unfortunately. Me and some kid."

"No way! The guy I was sitting next to did the exact same thin-" Realization dawned on the teenager. "Wait…"

Deidara couldn't hold back his laughter. "Oh shit, Kankuro was that you?!"

The teenager laughed awkwardly, "Wha- Ha, no! I didn't even go to a party!"

Sasori stared at his son, as if trying to put all the pieces back together. "Bat… man?"

Kankuro continued his nervous laughter. "Chucky?"

"Kankuro, you-" The redhead retched again, feeling uneasy for many reasons.

Deidara only laughed harder, his hand slowing down on rubbing Sasori's back.

The teeanger stood up. "Ha ha… ah yeaaah. H-Hey, I didn't know you were that cool, dad! Wow! Twenty shots in twenty seconds! Ha haha!"

Sasori glared up between his vomiting, watching as his son slowly backed away. "Kankuro! You're-" he coughed, spitting up, "You're so grounded!"

"Awh, c'mon, Dad!" Kankuro whined. "I-It's like you said! I didn't know the punch was spiked!"

"Grounded!" the redhead snapped. "So goddamned grounded!" he ground out before dry heaving.

Deidara wiped the corners of his eyes. "Oh god, this is too good, un."

"Shut up, Deidara!" both Kankuro and Sasori snapped.

The blond ignored the two, still laughing.

"Don't think- ugh, Don't think I won't tell your mother about this either!" Sasori grumbled. "Your ass is so grounded, you - oh god…" he swallowed hard. "You hear me!?"

Kankuro groaned, knowing he couldn't escape his punishment. "Ugh, for how long?"

"A thousand years!" The redhead yelled from his trashcan. "A thousand freaking years!"

The teenager rolled his eyes, "I won't even live that long-"

"You heard me! Now," Sasori took a deep breath, "go to your room!"

Kankuro let out a cry of frustration, stomping out of the room.

The redhead let out his own cry. "My precious son," he moaned in despair. "My baby boy. How could he do this to me?!"

Deidara calmed himself down long enough to comfort his lover. "There, there, Danna," he said patting the man on the back.


	12. Halloween Special pt 2

I want everyone to know that I started this fic on the 26th of October. Anyway, Happy Halloween!

Genre: SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS

Rated: SPOOooOOooPY!

Word Count:

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden (and chaann at this point tbh)

* * *

It was Halloween night. Kids were out and about, trick-or-treating and running around with their friends. Soon enough their little bellies would be full of cherished chocolates and yummy gummies! If one listened closely enough, the outraged cries of dentists all over the world could be heard.

Gaara happily did a twirl as he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked super cool! He turned so that his backside was facing the mirror. What an awesome tail! So fluffy and-

"Awwh, you look absolutely adorable! So cuuute!" Deidara cooed as he caught the little redhead examining himself.

The redhead puffed his cheeks in anger, "Uhm, no! I am not _cute!_ I am _cool!_ "

Deidara laughed and swept the boy up in his arms. "Of course! How could I mistake such an awesome costume as cute, un?"

Gaara smiled and hugged the blond back. "Right!? Thanks again… for taking me tricker treating!" He pouted, "I… I know daddy doesn't feel good."

The blond ruffled the boy's hair. "Yeah, he's pretty sick, but that's okey. We can still have a fun time." He straightened out the boy's black mask. "Ah, perfect. Let's go tell your dad we're heading out and then we can go meet up with your friends!"

Gaara nodded and took off ahead of Deidara. He pushed open his father's door slowly, whispering, "Daddy? Are you sleeping?" He heard the man groan in response. The little boy jumped as Deidara came up behind him.

"Danna?" He waltzed inside, not bothered by the man's sickly groaning underneath the blankets. "Hey, we're heading out now."

Sasori slowly poked his head out of the covers. "Okey, stay safe you two."

Deidara huffed, "Won't you even look at your son's costume? He looks so cu-" the blond coughed, "cool, un."

Gaara waddled in, striking a cool pose. "Tada!~"

Sasori glanced over at his son and smiled, "Ah, you do look really _cool_ , Gaara. I wish I coud come with you."

Gaara grinned, "That's okey, daddy! I know you're sick, so you gotta get better by getting lots of sleep and soup!" He scratched his head, "Did you have to take the purple medicine too?"

The older redhead chuckled, "Y-Yeah… A waaay bigger dose than you would have to."

"Dose?"

Deidara laughed, "He had to take more than you, because he's old."

"Ooooh…"

Sasori glared weakly at his lover.

Deidara smirked back and leaned over to place a kiss on the redhead's forehead. "Alright, we're off. Get some rest."

Gaara pushed between the two, leaning up to give his father a kiss on the forehead as well. "Nighty night, daddy!"

Sasori smiled and nodded, "Stay safe and have fun. Oh, hey, Deidara can you check on Kankuro? Make sure he's still in his room. He' a little peeved that I wouldn't let him go out tonight. Said he had some plans with friends. Need to make sure he hasn't snuck out."

Deidara nodded, "Of course."

The two left the older redhead's room and zoomed down the stairs. Gaara ran to go sit next to Temari on the couch, while Deidara checked on Kankuro. Sure enough, Kankuro was sulking in his room. He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. What a bitch it must've been to have all your video games taken away. With the teenager in check, Deidara returned to the living room, ready to take a bunch of kids trick-or-treating.

Gaara could hardly contain his excitement as they finally gathered all his friends. They all stood at the beginning of a neighborhood, waiting on one last person to arrive. Sasuke, of course. Both Gaara and Deidara let out a groan of distress as the Uchihas came into view.

"Did he really have to come?" Gaara whined to his friend, Naruto.

"Uh, duh! Sasuke is like my best friend!" the blond kid exclaimed.

Gaara huffed, "No, he's not! He said he doesn't even like you!"

"S-So? That's just him trying to be cool!" Naruto defended.

The redhead rolled his eyes, "Yeah, right. That's him just being a meanybutt."

Deidara sighed and leaned on one hip, "About time, Uchiha. Your hair straightener catch on fire or something, un?"

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "No, and if it happened to, you'd be the first suspect on my list."

The blond sent him a sneer, "Of course." He eyeballed the raven's costume. Then Sasuke's. "Vampires? Seriously? How cliche."

"Like Red Riding Hood isn't," Itachi sassed.

"Oi-"

Gaara snorted and crossed his arms. "You hear that, Sasuke. You're cliche!"

Sasuke glared at the little redhead as he roused a few snickers from the crowd of boys and girls. "I bet you don't even know what that word means!"

"Do too!"

"Y-Yeah, well, what are _you_ supposed to be?" Sasuke snapped.

"A raccoon!" Gaara beamed.

Sasuke scrunched his nose as if in disgust. "Ewww, a raccoon! How dirty!"

Gaara's mouth fell open. "T-They're not dirty!" he stomped his fluffy foot.

"They eat trash, yanno," Sasuke stated. "I bet you'd eat trash too!"

"I would not!" Gaara cried out.

Sasuke laughed, "You're not even scary at all!"

The redhead frowned, "I don't… I don't have to be scary…"

Soon enough all the other little kids were laughing at poor Gaara, while Sasuke soaked in the glory. Gaara could feel the tears about ready to burst from behind his eyes. At least he had his mask to hide his sad ugly face behind. Suddenly, someone stepped in front of him.

"Alright, you two. Enough, un. Itachi, tell your little brother to stop being a prick," Deidara frowned, crossing his arms in annoyance. "He's always got something smart to say."

Itachi sighed and pulled Sasuke close to him.

"H-Hey!" Sasuke yelped as he was pulled by his tall collar.

"Do we need to have another talk, Sasuke?" Itachi scolded.

Sasuke humphed, "No!"

"Good, then please be respectful to your friends."

"They're not even my friends…" the little raven muttered.

"Sasuke-"

The boy huffed, "Okey! Okey! I got it! Sheesh!" He stomped ahead of the group, already ready to end this Halloween night. The sooner he could stuff his face with candy the better!

"Careful Sasuke!" Itachi called out, slowly following and leading the group beside Deidara. "I don't want you to further hurt your arm!"

The raven made a noise of complaint. It sounded like a steaming kettle.

Deidara snorted, "Geez, what a brat. How'd he break his arm anyway?"

Itachi sighed, "Another time, Deidara. Let's just try to enjoy this with as little problems as possible."

"Sure thing," the blond shrugged.

The group moved forward, Temari and her friends staying in the back while the older boys lead the younger children. Gaara slowly walked beside Deidara, feeling self conscious about his costume. He sniffled a little and pulled up his mask a bit to rub his eyes.

"Hey, you alright?" Deidara asked quietly.

"Y-Yeah…"

Deidara gave a small smile. "Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. You don't have to be a scary monster for Halloween. I'm not scary either, see!" the blond stated, flapping his red cape to show off his costume underneath. "Besides…" he looked around as if making sure no one could hear them. "I think your costume is the coolest. I bet you'll get the most candy."

Gaara smiled, feeling a bit better. "You really think so?"

"I do!" The blond ruffled his hair, "Now, let's have some fun, okey?"

The redhead nodded and perked up enough to talk to his friends again.

Deidara smiled warmly and watched proudly. Gaara was definitely the cutest kid in the group. Probably the nicest as well… He glared lightly at the little Uchiha. Deidara had to remind himself that Sasuke was a child and being mad at a child was a very silly thing to do. If only he weren't so much like Itachi.

At the end of the night, everyone's bags and buckets were filled to the brim with candy. Everything had gone pretty well after the first few houses. None of the kids fought or argued and the preteens were respectful enough to let the little kids run up to the door first. Itachi and Deidara were civilized with each other. It was all in all, a good night.

Until something popped out of the bushes, startling everyone.

The kids all let out screams as a scary looking shadow figured popped out and yelled, "HE'S COMING FOR YOUUUU~!"

Then another one popped out, roaring and howling.

Gaara grabbed onto Deidara's tights, screaming his lungs away.

Suddenly a third figure charged out of the bush. "GOT YAAA!" he yelled in a gravely voice before maniacally laughing.

All the kids freaked and ran up the street, dropping their bags of candy in the process. Deidara and Itachi stood in shock.

"Hey!" Itachi snapped, "What the hell is your problem!"

The three scarers laughed and sprinted off through the yards.

"Fucking teenagers," Deidara growled. "C'mon," he said, tugging the raven away.

They caught up with the kids, trying to calm each one of them. As they stood around, comforting the children, an idea popped up in Deidara's head. He turned to the oldest Uchiha. "Hey, I got a plan. Up for some ol' fashion Halloween revenge, un?"

Itachi snorted, "Perhaps. What do you have in mind."

Deidara smirked, "We're not too far from a store. We're gonna egg those little bastards and give them a taste of their own medicine."

Itachi cracked a grin. "Let's do it."

The trip only took about fifteen minutes. While Deidara and Gaara bought the eggs, Itachi stood watch with the other children. He had managed to locate the troublesome teenagers easily. They had returned to the spot where the kids dropped their candy. They munched on stolen goods, laughing as having a good time.

"Alright, kiddos, you stay in the car and just watch. Don't leave the car, got it?" Deidara started.

All the kids nodded.

"We're gonna get your candy back," Itachi informed them. "And give them a little scare of their own."

Deidara looked over at Gaara and smiled. "Hey, lemme see your mask, un."

Gaara raised his patchy eyebrows in surprise. "Okey." He handed the little black mask over to the blond and watched in awe as the older boy slipped on the plastic. The little redhead gasped, "Whooa! You look so cool!"

The blond chuckled, "Thanks. C'mon, Itachi, let's show these punks how Halloween pranks are really done."

"Certainly," the raven smirked.

The children all pressed their faces to the windshield as they tried to get a good look at what the older males were doing. It was a bit hard to see due to the darkness, but they could still make out their shapes.

Deidara and Itachi waltzed up to the teenagers. "Hey, assholes! You like scaring little kids!?" the blond yelled in a strong voice. As soon as all three teenagers looked up in shock, Deidara chucked an egg through the air. One unsuspecting teen was hit square in the face, the egg making a prominent thud upon impact before splattering grossly.

The other teenagers didn't have time to react as Itachi quickly catapulted his own eggs. They were so fast that even Deidara swore he wouldn't have seen it coming. The college duo threw eggs as the three teens tried to duck and run away.

From within the car, Gaara could only stare in awe. Cape fluttering through the wind, mysteriously hooded, bright white tights, and the perfect mask to keep his identity a complete secret! Deidara… Deidara was a superhero! He was… Super Deiman!

"L-Look!" Gaara exclaimed. "It's Super Deiman and his sidekick Butt Weasel!"

All the kids 'oo'ed and 'aw'ed at their new superheroes. All but one kid, of course.

"Uh, what? Did you just call Itachi a-" the little raven made a disgusted face, as if the mere word would make him vomit, "a _sidekick?_ "

Gaara stuck out his tongue. "Uhh, duh-doi! Look at him" he said gesturing to the raven. "Super Deiman is clearly doing all the work. Butt Weasel is just eighting!"

"You mean, _aiding?_ "

"Yes!" Gaara huffed. They all looked out the window. It seemed that the teenagers had managed to catch a few eggs and retaliated. Some even threw candy. What a waste!

The littlest redhead opened the door just enough so he could stand on the ledge of the doorway.

"What're you doing? Are you trying to get us in trouble, stupid?" Sasuke snapped. "They told us to stay in the car."

Gaara smirked, "I am!" He stood on his toes. "GO SUPER DEIMAN AND BUTT WEASEL! KICK THEIR BUTTS!"

The other kids all looked at each other. Then Naruto stood beside Gaara. "COVER THEM IN EGG! BEAT UP THOSE BAD GUYS!"

Another door opened and the other kids started yelling and cheering as well. Even Temari jumped in, wanting Deidara and Itachi to succeed.

"WE BELIEVE IN YOU SUPER DEIMAN! SCRAMBLE THEM, BUTT WEASEL!" a particular voice yelled.

Gaara looked over in surprise. Standing on the ledge beside him was none other than his big mean bully, Sasuke. Huh, he didn't look so bad when he actually smiled instead of grinned like a big jerk.

Sasuke felt the redhead's eyes on him and looked over, startled. A faint blush covered his face and for a moment, his foot slipped. He closed his eyes bracing for the impact that was surely to further break his arm and prolong the dumb cast he had on. It never came though. He looked on in surprise as Gaara had managed to catch the other. "H-How?" Sasuke blushed.

Naruto peeked out from behind Gaara, grinning from ear to ear. He was clearly holding onto the redhead.

"B-But?"

Behind him was a girl, Sakura, holding onto Naruto. She giggled and smiled at the raven.

Sasuke stared back at Gaara.

"With the power of f-friendship anything is possible!"

Sasuke averted the gaze and let the boys and girl pull him up back to safety. "I-I guess we can be," he swallowed hard, "friends…"

Gaara smiled as his mortal enemy confessed that they could be friends.

"Hey, we told you guys to stay in the car, un," Deidara scolded as he and Itachi approached the car. While the kids cheered them on, the two college kids managed to pelt enough eggs that the teenagers scurried off. They both carried several bags of candy in their arms.

"W-We did!" Gaara stated. "Didn't take one step outside!"

Sasuke nodded, as if confirming the redhead's truth. "I told him we'd get in trouble-"

Gaara pouted.

"-but we only opened the doors soooo technically we didn't leave the car," Sasuke finished.

Gaara nodded vigorously.

Itachi sighed, "I suppose that could be true."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Kid is too smart for his own good," he muttered. "Here, kids," he said passing out everyone's bags back. "Watch out for egg, un."

It was around twelve when they finally had dropped mostly everyone off. It took a lot of explaining and calming worried parents, but finally they had reached their second to last stop for the night. Itachi looked over at Deidara, a small smile gracing his lips.

Deidara put the car in park and saw the look from his peripheral. He made a face of disgust. "Ugh, don't look at me like that, Uchiha. Gives me the creeps."

Itachi chuckled softly, "You're never happy with the way I look at you."

Deidara gripped the steering wheel, it squeaking as he twisted his hands. "I'd like it if you didn't look at me at all," he smiled.

"Hmm…" Itachi sighed before opening the door to the cold air. "It's been a pleasure working with you, Super Gayman."

Deidara sneered, "As well to you, Ass Weasel."

Itachi snorted, "Say goodbye to your friend, Sasuke."

The little raven scoffed, "Friend? As if!" He jumped out of the car, ignoring Gaara's hurtful look. "See you at school, buttlord," Sasuke waved.

Gaara pouted as the door slammed close and the two Uchihas entered their home. "What a jerk!" he huffed.

"Tell me about it," Deidara sighed. "Alright, kiddos, let's go home."

Once home, Gaara stopped Deidara before he entered the house. "Thanks again, Super Deiman!"

Deidara laughed, "Anything for you." He crouched down and took off the mask, handing it back to Gaara. "I think you make the better hero though," he started. "I'd be your sidekick any day, un. Let's kick butt together, okey?"

Gaara beamed, "You got it!" He gave the blond a hug before running inside.

Deidara sighed and pulled his hood down. He couldn't wait to get out of this costume. Smelled like eggs. After tucking in Gaara and Temari, Deidara ran up to the shower to change and freshen up. Just before he was about to jump in bed beside Sasori, he heard the sound of a door opening. The front door to be exact. Sneaking down the stairs, Deidara saw a black figure sneaking in. The blond snorted quietly. Of fucking course Kankuro snuck out. He calmly walked down the stairs and flipped on the lights. "Good to see you, un."

Kankuro froze misstep into the house. "Aw, fuck."

Deidara crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah, sucks doesn't it? You really need to work on your sneaking skills. Even Danna can hear you when we-" he paused, noticing something. "Are you… covered in… eggs?"

The teenager sighed heavily, "Yeah…" He crossed his arms. "My friends and I were… assaulted by some superhero wannabes. Something about butts and weasels and a gay man?"

Deidara laughed, "Geez…"

"Look… we're cool, right?" Kankuro asked. "Please, don't tell my dad."

The blond hummed, "Mm, fine… Just under one condition, un."

Kankuro sighed in relief, "Ugh, yes, okey! What is it?"

"Wait here," Deidara smiled.

The teenager did so. When the blond returned, something enclosed in his hand, he gave a confused look.

Deidara approached Kankuro and smiled sweetly. "This is for scaring your little brother, un."

The teenager cringed as an egg was promptly smashed on his head, the egg whites sliding down his neck.

"Also, it's Super Deiman." The blond wiped his hand against the front of Kankuro's hoodie.

"I… I deserved that," Kankuro admitted, annoyed.

Deidara nodded, "That you do. You're going to apologize to Gaara tomorrow morning, unless you want your dad to find out about what happened." The blond turned to leave, "Oh, don't forget to clean up. You track egg in the house and Sasori will know something's up." He happily bounded up the stairs.

Kankuro sighed, "Damn it."


	13. Temari's New Worst Enemy

Hello, im "i have the flu thanks 2018". Ah, no seriously thanks everyone who has stuck around for all of my stuff throughout the years, and to any new fans thanks as well!

Genre: Temari plays hard

Rated: preteen squabbles

Word Count: 4162

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden (and chaann at this point tbh)

* * *

Shoes squeaked against the gymnasium floor as pubescent teens ran around the open space. Amongst the many boys and girls was Temari. It was nearing the end of the semester and the PE classes decided to have a co-ed week. She loved co-ed and more importantly loved showing all those dumb boys up! Girls could be just as athletic! Sure she loved makeup, gossiping, boys, and just generally being on her phone 24/7, HOWEVER, she also really loved sports.

Temari had played every sport possible growing up. Recently she took part of cheerleading and couldn't wait for volleyball try-outs to start up. She watched the ball fly through the air, narrowing her eyes as she tried to figure out where it would land. With a haste sprint and high jump, Temari was up in the air. She let out an energetic cry and spiked the ball down as hard as she could.

The ball smacked the ground and with enough force came back up and smacked somebody in the face. Everyone, including people not even playing the game, gasped.

Temari's eyebrows furrowed in worry as she watched the boy on the other side collapse to his knees, holding his nose. She ran under the net and went to inspect the injury she had caused. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed. She crouched down, grabbing the boy's wrists gently to pull his hands away from his face. "It's not bleeding, is it?"

"H-Hey!" the boy shouted, pulling his arms out her grasp. "Don't freaking touch me!"

She frowned, looking at his bloody face. "I'm really sorry. I didn't realize-"

The boy took off his shirt, leaving him in a sweaty tank. "What is wrong with you?! Are you even a girl?!" He held his smelly shirt to his nose, tipping his head back.

Temari furrowed her eyebrows, feeling frustrated. "I said I was sorry!" she snapped. "It's not like I was trying to hit you in your face, but now I'm glad I did, you jerk!"

The boy huffed and stood up with the help of a friend. "At least I don't have big hairy gorilla arms!"

The dirty blonde gasped, jaw dropping.

"Yeah, only a gorilla could hit a ball that hard!"

The boys laughed, and even a few girls snickered. Temari could feel her face heat up with embarrassment and anger. Her arms weren't big! Or hairy! …were they? She balled her hands into fists.

"Uh, oh! Watch out!" one boy laughed. "I think the gorilla is about to go on a rampage!"

"Look how red her face is getting," a girl commented with a giggle.

The boy with the bloody nose, smirked, "What you gonna hit me again?" He tossed his shirt to the floor, not caring if his nose stopped bleeding or not. He raised his fist to his chest, beating against them in a dramatic way. He made "oo" noises with his mouth, jumping up and down excitedly.

More kids laughed as other gathered around the volleyball net. Some even joined in on acting like a primeape toward her.

Temari ground her teeth together, jaw clenching tighter and tighter. She could feel angry tears building behind her eyes. Her nails dug into her palms, surely leaving indentations. She tried telling herself to walk away. She took one step. Walk away.

But she didn't.

It's not like anyone in her family was violent. Her father was rarely angry, and even when he was he didn't show it. It had to be the ginger in her genes though.

Instead of walking away like it meant nothing to her. Temari took a step forward and swung her fist like the summer softball slugger she was. The iron-like fist impacted with the side of the boy's face.

The mocking and laughing stopped as the boy fell backwards, hitting the floor with a loud thud.

"You're such a… Such an asshole!" Temari snapped, not caring if the PE teacher could hear her or not.

The boy stared up at her with wide eyes, not bothering to stand up and retaliate.

It came to an end as the teacher ran over to the group of middle schoolers. "What's going on here?!" the woman demanded to know. She crossed her arms, staring her students down firmly.

"Temari punched Yukio!" a kid finally yelled out.

The PE teacher turned to Temari. "Is that true, Temari?"

The blonde girl balled her fists in embarrassment, looking away. "H-He started it! I accidentally hit him with the ball and I tried to apologize, but he was a jerk about it!"

"That does not give you the right to punch another student. Coach Guy will escort you to the Principal's," the woman scolded. She crouched down to help out the boy on the floor.

"Yes, Coach Kurenai."

The male gym teacher came up behind the group and cupped Temari's shoulder. "Alright, kiddo, let's go."

Temari sighed and followed reluctantly. She had never been sent to the office before, but she knew what it meant. Her father was going to be called in and he was not going to be happy about it. Not one bit.

She was led to the office and was told to sit patiently while the principal finished his paperwork and called her parents. Temari anxiously shook her leg up and down. She was regretting everything she had done now. What if she got banned from playing sports? Or even expelled!? She was overwhelmed with despair as her brain worked over various scenarios. Each last one making her eyes heavy with tears. Then the door opened. She glanced up and flinched. Her father looked concerned and confused, clearly not used to seeing his daughter in the principal's office.

"Tema-" an older gentlemen stepped out of an office, "Oh, good. You're here, Mr. Akasuna." He made a motion with his hand. "Both of you come in."

Temari slowly got up from her chair and followed behind her father into the cramped office. Her limbs felt heavy as she slunk into the stiff chairs in front of Principle Jiraiya's desk. Her father sat down beside her calmly.

"Thank you for coming so quickly," Jiraiya started. "I know that it can be troubling to find time between work."

Sasori waved a hand dismissively. "Luckily it was my day off."

Jiraiya looked the man up and down, a small smirk settling on his face. "Perfect time to spend with the wife, huh?"

The redhead coughed and adjusted his collar to cover any suspicious markings. "Right. If I may, what is this all about? Temari isn't in any trouble is she?"

Jiraiya sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Unfortunately, she is."

Sasori frowned, "What for?" He glanced at his daughter, who hid her face in shame.

"She punched another student during a physical education class. Violence is not tolerated here at this school, and I'm afraid that this will call for a more serious punishment."

Temari slinked further into her seat. A small whimper escaped her lips as her fears came to life. She was going to lose everything.

Sasori bit the inside of his cheek. He glanced at his daughter again. Then back at the principal. "What kind of punishment?"

"Suspension," the older man stated. "From school and any after school activities she may partake in."

The redhead heard the soft sob that came from his daughter and felt his heart break. "Temari, did you really punch someone?" he asked just to be sure.

Temari nodded shakily. "I-I didn't want to!" she cried. "He m-made fun of me and I-I just got so mad and… and…" she bit her lip trying to stifle her cries.

Sasori sighed. He honestly couldn't believe it. He expected this kind of thing with Kankuro, but Temari? She was a tough girl, but he was positive she had grown out of her phase of punching boys on the playground. She was a sweet girl, always trying to help someone. However, she did say that someone made fun of her…

"Jiraiya, perhaps there is another way? I've never thought of suspension as a good means of punishment. How are we to encourage our children to go to school when we punish them by making them stay away from it?"

Jiraiya seemed to be caught off guard. "Oh, uh… well…"

"And what about her clubs and sports? Those are outlets, ways for them to express themselves and release their frustrations. Taking away these things only make them spiral downward." Sasori stood, hands slamming against the man's desk. "It's these types of punishments that send kids over the edge. Whether it be internal or external. We talk about wanting our kids to enjoy school, but as soon as they're out of line we try to reduce them to nothing. Treat them like they're the scum of the earth and not worth our time. How do you expect these children to respect you? How do you expect them to grow and make an impact on society when schools like you are oppressing them?"

"M-Mr. Akasuna…"

"All I'm saying is," Sasori took a breath, "suspension is an outdated and overrated form of punishment." He sat back down.

Temari stared at her father with wide eyes. She had not expected the man to defend her or try to stop her from receiving her well deserved punishment. Heck, the man was grounding Kankuro left and right. And yet here he was scolding her principal for "oppression"?

Jiraiya coughed into his hand awkwardly. "Ah, well still… this can't be left unatoned. What... what would you suggest?"

Sasori crossed his arms, leaning back in his seat. "Detention is fine. After school of course, education comes first. Two weeks at most."

"But the boy-"

"She will apologize. To him and his parents, formally. Once in front of you, and if his parents agrees, a second time at dinner."

"Dinner?" both Temari and Jiraiya asked in confusion.

The redhead nodded, "If it's fine by them, I'd like to apologize as well. I feel that treating their family to dinner would be fitting."

Temari frowned. Was this really better than suspension?

Jiraiya sighed, "Well… I suppose that is fair. However, if that second half cannot be committed then we will have to give another form of punishment that _I_ decide."

Sasori nodded, "That is fine. Is this all?"

Jiraiya stood, hand stretched out to shake Sasori's. "Yes, thank you for coming."

Sasori accepted the gesture, shaking firmly. "Of course." He got out of the chair and stood behind his daughter.

Dropping his hands to a button, Jiraiya spoke into a speaker. "Please send in Hisoka's family."

The Akasunas watched as two males were let in by the secretary. The first boy to enter was the boy Temari had punched. His face was already swelling, his bruise showing just barely below the ice pack. Even his nose was starting to bruise, the white strip of bandage just barely covering it. The other male was tall and lanky, but looked no older than Deidara.

"Have a seat next to Temari, Yukio," Jiraiya gestured with a hand.

The boy was reluctant, but a light smack to the head from the older boy behind him was enough encouragement to get him to sit. The boy's guardian stood next to the chair, leaning against it lazily.

"Thank you for coming, Eien."

Eien nodded, "I'm used to it by now. What did he do this time?"

Jiraiya chuckled, "Well actually nothing this time. He was the one who got hit this time." The principal gestured to Temari in the next seat over.

Yukio crossed his arms, staring at the ground in embarrassment. A hand ruffled his hair and he growled.

Eien let out a good laugh. "I told you to not mess with girls, lil bro. Man, she really kicked your ass, huh?" he snorted.

Jiraiya and Sasori both coughed, "Language."

The boy's older brother waved his hand, "Sorry, sorry. You sure you didn't do or say anything stupid, Yu?"

"Of course not!" Yukio snapped, flustered.

"Liar!" Temari interrupted. "You made fun of me!"

"N-No I didn't!"

The blonde leaned over to glare at him in his chair. "You called me a gorilla!"

Yukio glared back, "No! I said you had _gorilla arms_!"

"That's the same thing!"

"No it isn't!"

Temari gripped the edge of her seat. "You got everyone to laugh at me and call me names!"

Yukio sputtered, "W-Well you hit me first! None of this would've happened if you hadn't spiked the ball so hard!"

The blonde huffed, "Well maybe you should've been paying attention and moved out of the way!"

Jiraiya tried to intervene, "Now, children,"

"Besides! I apologized and even went over there to make sure you were okey! I didn't mean to hit you!"

Sasori nodded to himself. Sounded like something Temari would do. He side eyed the thirteen year old boy. The little punk deserved to be hit on the face with a volleyball if he was going to make fun of his precious baby girl.

"Alright, Yukio, that's enough," Eien chuckled. He pulled the boy back into his seat by his shoulder. "You know better than that. If you really wanted to get her attention all you had to do was-"

"Sh-Sh-Shut up!" the boy gasped, face turning red. "It's not like that!"

Eien only laughed harder.

Sasori's eyebrows furrowed in thought. Did this punk have a crush on his daughter?! He sighed. Kids these days.

"Well, this certainly brings light to the matter at hand. I was unaware of the circumstances that unfolded," Jiraiya stated calmly. He let out a nervous chuckle as the redhead quickly turned to glare at him. "If it's alright with you, Eien, Mr. Akasuna has improvised a form of punishment."

"Two weeks detention and apologies," Sasori stated. "I'd also like to personally apologize and invite you and your family over for dinner."

Eien nodded, "That sounds fair."

"And since this does have to do with bullying, Yukio will have detention as well."

"Fine by me," the boy's older brother shrugged.

"W-What?! No way!"

"Detention or your playstation?"

Yukio shut his mouth instantly.

"That's what I thought."

Jiraiya nodded, checking the time on his wall. "Alright. You two," he pointed at the thirteen year olds, "apologize to each other right now."

Temari turned to the boy and sighed, "I'm sorry for hitting you… twice."

Yukio grumbled, "I'm sorry for making fun of you…"

Eien slapped his head again.

"You don't actually have gorilla arms," Yukio huffed.

Jiraiya smiled and clasped his hands together. "Good! Now everyone out of my office. You two can get passes from my assistant and return to class. Thank you again for coming," he smiled at the guardians.

"Of course," Sasori nodded.

"See ya soon," Eien chuckled.

Before the other could leave, Sasori made sure to trade numbers so that he could contact the male about dinner. Exiting the office he found his daughter standing around.

"Don't you have class to get to?" he asked, walking over to her.

Temari nodded, "I… I just…" she looked around then pulled her father into a hug. "Thank you, daddy…" she muttered. "I was so scared that I'd get in big trouble, and never get to play sports again!"

Sasori sighed and smiled softly, returning the embrace. "I was surprised by this, but you're still my daughter. Of course, I'm going to fight for you. Whether it be for the right to play sports or chasing away bad boyfriends, I am here for you."

Temari laughed, "You're so corny…" She squeezed her father one last time and pulled away, rubbing her hot cheeks.

The redhead rolled his eyes playfully, "Yes, it's in the job description. You're still in trouble though," he said truthfully. "Violence should never be the answer unless your life's in danger. Unfortunately, I will have to ground you."

Temari pouted, "Really? I already have detention…"

"Which could've been suspension had I not done anything."

"How long?" Temari groaned.

"Two weeks," Sasori stated. He held out his hand. "Which starts now. Hand it here."

Temari gaped, "Not my phone too!"

"Yes, you're phone. Hand it over."

The blonde pouted, "It's in my PE locker…"

Sasori grunted, "Fine. As soon as you get home, it's mine. Got it?"

Temari nodded sadly.

"Good. Now get to class. Love you," Sasori smiled, kissing her forehead.

The blonde girl sighed and waved her father off as he left. She trekked down the halls to the gymnasium. She still had to change and grab her books after all. As she passed through the gym, she could hear the many snickers and quiet jabs. Of course word would spread about her hitting another student, but she was sure that these students weren't even in her grade! She kept her head down and rushed to class.

It was the last period of the day and Temari honestly couldn't wait to go home. Ever since PE, her life had been torture. She was the talk of the school and even though she apologized Yukio would still huff and puff every time he saw her. Temari would just roll her eyes at the immature boy. It was boys like him that made Temari question her sexuality sometimes. Boys were so dumb! Yet… extremely cute. It was unfair.

Temari rested her face against the palm of her hand lazily as class droned on. One day a cute boy would sweep her off her feet like the gentleman he was. She glanced over at one of the cute boys in her class. Her face caught on fire as she met his eyes. She straightened up immediately, embarrassed that he had seen her act in such a way. She was a lady after all! Not some dumb gorilla armed girl! No! She had etiquette and class!

The blonde girl swallowed heavily as the boy smiled and gave a small wave. Her heart raced, eyes searching the room to make sure that he truly was waving at her. No one else responded so… she waved back shyly, smiling.

He pointed to his hair, mouthing something.

Temari raised an eyebrow in confusion. She mouthed back, "What?"

"You," he started slowly, "have gum in your hair." He pointed at his hair again, making a pulling gesture.

Temari blinked, hand reaching for the back of her head. She felt around, searching for what she hoped wasn't there. Her fingers brushed something sticky and she choked on her saliva. No way. No freaking way! She slowly tried to pull it out, but winced at the pain and stopped. It was tangled deep within her pony tail and pulling on it had only seemed to make it worse. Feeling anger bubbling up inside her, she turned around to see who sat behind her.

Her eyebrows narrowed and her nostrils flared. "You!" she snapped in a harsh whisper.

Behind her seat, with his hand reached out, was none other than that jerk Yukio. Of course he'd put gum in her hair!

"I-I-It wasn't me!" He squirmed in his chair, hand recoiling away from her.

"Mr. Hisoka," the teacher started, "Is there something you'd like to share with the class?" He crossed his arms and frowned, the rest of the class looking back at the boy behind Temari.

"N-No, sir!"

Temari's teeth ground against each other as he jaw clenched. What a jerk! What a lying jerk! She thought about calling him out on his bs, but it was too late. The bell rang, signaling the end of class. The chair behind her scraped violently against the floor and Yukio fled the room before anyone else. The blonde huffed and stomped out of the classroom shortly after.

When she finally made it home, she explained the situation to her father. The man frowned and examined her hair. It really was stuck in there. He tried to help her ease it out with both soap and oil, but it did nothing to pull the sticky sugar from her pretty blonde strands. They couldn't even take her hair down.

"Well," Sasori sighed, "I guess we'll have to cut it out."

Temari tensed and guarded her hair with her hands. "N-No way! Dad, you can't! It'll look dumb!"

Sasori rested a hand on his hip, lips pursed, "Well, it's not going to come out unless we do. It's really tangled in there. I'll try to cut as little as possible."

The blonde whimpered and shook her head. All because of that stupid jerk at school! He probably planned this, so she'd get a dumb haircut! She reluctantly sat down in a chair as her father rummaged for some scissors. She reached up again, trying to loosen the gum, but it refused to budge.

"Alright. Sit straight," Sasori commanded as he got behind his daughter.

Temari scrunched her eyes clothes as she felt the redhead grab her hair and place it between the scissor blades.

Just as he went to cut, the doorbell rang. Both Akasunas looked up at the door in surprise. Sasori set the scissors down on the counter. "Ah, Deidara must have gotten out early. Wait here," he said as he sauntered off to the door.

Temari frowned and rubbed her weary eyes. Today just sucked. There was no way she could face that jerk and his family at dinner. However, maybe if she cried in front of them and explained why she had a big chunk of her hair missing they'd punish Yukio more.

"Danna!" she heard the blond gasp from the living room.

She raised her head and an eyebrow.

"Please tell me you didn't actually cut anything yet," the blond said in concern.

"Well, not yet-"

Deidara rushed into the kitchen and got behind Temari.

"H-Hey!" she squeaked, feeling the blond go for her hair.

The blond sighed in relief. "Oh, thank god." He looked at his lover and huffed, "Geez, Danna, you should've texted me first and told me. I glad I cane when I did."

Sasori pouted and crossed his arms. "Hey, I tried to get it out, but it's tangled in there."

Deidara shook his head, "You just don't know what you're doing, un." He circled around the preteen and pulled her out of her seat. "I'm going to get that gum out _without_ scissors," He smiled.

Temari looked up at him with wide eyes. "Y-You can do that!? Dad already tried though."

The blond chuckled, "I'm a professional, un. Here, lean over the sink."

The preteen did as he asked and leaned over the sink. She watched curiously as the blond pulled his school bag over his shoulder and dug through it. He pulled out another bag and then rummaged through that. Several things of eyeliner spilled out and she could hear her dad sigh as he went to pick them up off the floor.

"Thanks," Deidara smiled, finally finding a bottle.

"What's that?" Temari asked, eyeing the unmarked bottle.

"Secret hair formula," Deidara winked. "It's a bunch of hair oils combined together. It's what makes my hair so soft and shiny. But, it's also a great lubricant, ain't that right Danna?"

Temari raised an eyebrow as she heard her father sputter from the other side of the kitchen. "You think it will help?"

Deidara nodded, "I know so." He stood beside the girl, uncapping his creation. He poured the liquid slowly over the sticky area and let it soak in. Then with gentle fingers, he began to separate hairs from the candy.

It only took about fifteen minutes at most before Deidara finally gave a cry of jubilation. "Haha! Got it!"

Sasori examined the hair, standing next to his lover. "Huh, well color me impressed."

"You're all good to go, kiddo, un!"

Temari rose from the sink. "Seriously?"

"Feel for yourself," Deidara grinned, tossing the gross piece of sugar in the garbage.

The blonde nearly cried as she felt her hair still perfectly intact and gum free. Without thinking, she pulled Deidara into a hug. "Thank you, Dei!"

Deidara blushed and returned the hug. "Awh, it was nothing. I couldn't let Danna take a chunk out of your hair like that. You're in middle school after all!"

Sasori rolled his eyes and quickly pocketed his phone after snapping a picture of the two. "It would've grown back."

The two blonds glared at him.

The redhead threw his hands in the air as if to defend himself. "Okey, okey. I'm going to go get ready for dinner. You should go finish your homework," he said pointing to Temari. "And you," he pointed at Deidara and gave a small smirk, "come with me."

The blond laughed and tousled Temari's hair as he passed. "Yes, Danna."

Temari watched as the two adults trekked up the stairs. A passing thought occurred to her and she wasn't sure how to feel about it, after all nobody could replace her real mom... However, it would be nice to have another feminine figure around.


	14. Get It All

Genre: Get it all out

WARNING: bet ya didn't see this coming

Rated: adult talk

Word Count: 2796

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

Chapter Title © MYRNE & Popeska (ft. Emily Hendrix)

* * *

It was just a typical Sunday night. Deidara was cuddled up on the couch, watching some tv series with Sasori. Well, Sasori seemed to be more into the show as he was entirely focused on the screen. Deidara on the other hand was casually working on one his essays for class. Sometimes he'd scroll through Facebook and get distracted, but he was making some real good process and without Sasori's assistance for once!

Out of nowhere, a notification popped up in the corner signaling a Facebook message. Deidara's eyebrows raised at the culprit.

 _Karura Akasuna_

He didn't think she was even on his friends list. Nervously, he clicked on the notification. It took him to Facebook, his messenger opening up.

The message read,

 _Hello Deidara. I know this is rather short notice, but is it possible to meet up with you sometime this week. I want to talk to you about some things._

Deidara chewed his bottom lip, about ready to nudge his lover when another message popped up.

 _This is between us. Please don't tell Sasori._

The blond frowned. He didn't like to keep secrets from the redhead. Not after how Sasori gave him a chance despite the dating app fiasco. Plus, the guy could usually tell when he was lying.

He responded back,

 _I'm not comfortable lying to Sasori. Why can't I tell him?_

He glanced over. It seemed Sasori was still involved in the show. Deidara chewed the inside of his cheek, waiting for the next reply.

 _He'd interfere. It's very important. Just trust me._

Deidara sighed. He guessed he had no choice.

 _Fine. We can meet up after my class tomorrow. There's a really nice coffee shop just a bit from campus. 11am work?_

The blond waited and was surprised when the woman agreed. He figured she would've tried to take control and pick the place and time. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Sasori spoke to him.

"Hey, everything alright?"

Deidara quickly switched tabs and looked up at his lover. "Oh, ha, yeah. I'm good, un."

Sasori frowned, "Uh huh and I'm the prince of Egypt." He leaned over, getting a good look at Deidara's laptop. "You're not hiding something from me are you?" he questioned, an eyebrow raised.

The blond smiled and closed the laptop, setting it aside to lean up and give Sasori a kiss. "Of course not, Daddy."

The redhead rolled his eyes, but returned the sweet affection. "You better not be," he muttered under his breath.

"Ooh, why's that? You gonna spank me, un?" Deidara grinned. "Or maybe keep me locked in your room all night long as a form of punishment?"

Sasori glared at the blond half-heartedly, ignoring the wandering hands.

The blond chuckled and stood up, the blanket keeping them warm sliding off. He circled around his lover, his hand trailing across the redhead's chest and up to his neck, stroking the skin softly. He leaned down to whisper in the redhead's ear. "Don't keep me waiting, Dan-na~"

Sasori sat perfectly still, listening to Deidara saunter away and upstairs. He waited for a few moments, eyes not really focused on the TV anymore. Then he practically ran up the stairs to join his lover. Might as well enjoy the empty house before the kids came back.

The next day, Deidara sat anxiously in class. Not only did his ass hurt in multiple ways, he had to meet his lover's ex-wife in thirty minutes. Perhaps a night of kinky sex before meeting Karura was not such a good idea… even if it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Deidara could feel his stomach drop when the bell rang. He was almost reluctant to leave. Taking his time, the blond made his way through the campus to the coffee shop. When he did arrive, Karura was nowhere to be found. A shiver went down his spine as a gust of cold air blew by. Perhaps she had waited inside.

Entering the shop, he saw the woman already seated with a coffee. He made his way through the semi-crowded shop and sat down across from the sandy blond. She didn't look at him at first, her gaze stuck on her coffee. He cleared his throat, trying to draw her attention. His throat hum did nothing to pull the woman's attention away. Deidara tried another short cough, but was caught off guard by the sharp quip.

"I heard you the first time, Deidara."

The blond felt his cheeks heat up, not expecting that sort of reaction. "Uhm, sorry."

A waiter came by and presented a menu to the blond. Deidara took it gracefully, thanking the man. He glanced over it then quickly glanced up at the woman. She still refused to look at him. He frowned, keeping his head down. They sat in silence for a good while, the constant chatter of people being just enough to keep the animosity away. They sat in silence for so long that the waiter had enough time to take his order and bring it out.

Deidara took a sip of his coffee, glancing around the shop. Many questions buzzed through his mind the longer they sat there - the first being, _Why won't she talk to me?_ She wanted to keep this a secret from Sasori, but it almost seemed like she wanted to keep it a secret for Deidara as well.

"I don't like you."

The statement nearly had Deidara spitting his coffee onto the woman. How blunt! "I-I… what?"

Karura looked up at the blond, eyes glaring daggers at him. "I really don't like you."

Deidara frowned, standing up, "Look, if you're just here to insult me-"

"It's not your fault," she murmured. "I know it's not… but I can't help but blame you."

The blond crossed his arms, leaning back in his seat.

Karura sighed and mindlessly stirred her beverage. "You have to understand… I'm not trying to be a bitch to you. I just… It's been two years and I still can't seem to get over Sasori."

Deidara relaxed a bit. He could tell she still was hurt by the divorce.

"I know it's not your fault and that you didn't turn him gay. I hate to admit it, but you're just his type. Young, blond, and pretty."

"Well, I'd like to think it's more than that-" Deidara tried to clarify.

Karura waved him off, "Spare me the details. Look, what I'm trying to get at is… I'm sorry for being so rude to you. I want Sasori to be happy, but at the same time it's so unfair…" she leaned on the palm of her hand. "Don't get the wrong idea though. I don't want to try to be friends or anything. I can't stand to be around you - even now."

Deidara tried to not take the comment personally. He was honestly surprised that she was trying to apologize to him. It's not like Deidara had ever called her out on being rude. Perhaps… "Did Sasori ask you to apologize or something, un?"

Karura snorted, "He tried in the beginning. No, this is on my own accord."

The blond pursed his lips. Interesting. It seemed like the woman still had more to say, but was holding back. "Do you mind if I ask some questions then? Sasori Danna is pretty good at avoiding questions he doesn't want to answer. If you don't mind of course, un."

"I guess…"

Deidara sipped his drink casually. "Well… when we visited Chiyo in the summer, she mentioned that you guys only got together because he knocked you up. I don't think it's as simple as she makes it out to be."

Karura scoffed, "That old bag has never liked me…" She sighed, "It's true that it was only after he got me pregnant that he proposed. We had been friends for for a while, since middle school actually." She tapped her nails against the table, recalling her past.

"We lived in the same neighborhood, so I got to see him quite often. He was always… weird. Not like the other boys. Of course, there was a big age gap between us, but so were the other boys. We hung out with all the kids in the neighborhood and the boys would always tease the girls. I remember one summer, where a few of the boys chased the girls around on their bikes. Not Sasori though. He'd sit on the side of the road, nose in a book or sketchpad. He never showed interest in girls or boys. Not until his first year of high school.

"In his first year, he didn't want to hang out with me as much. I was hurt, but I understood that I was still just a kid and he was now in high school. Whenever I did see him, he was always with other boys. He'd smile and laugh, sometimes even blush. At the time I thought he had replaced me, but looking back at it now…"

Deidara nodded, encouraging her to keep going. He could recall his own childhood. Deidara had known that he liked other boys since second grade. Stupid pretty boy Uchiha.

"We started dating his second year. We had some kind of falling out and I admitted that I had a crush on him. He was really quiet before agreeing. Of course, he said that it'd have to be a secret until I reached high school. The only people who knew were a small group of his friends and mine as well.

"There was one boy in particular. I assumed they had become best friends, but I think he was Sasori's first real crush… I'm pretty sure Sasori only agreed to date me as a cover."

Made sense. Deidara was pretty sure he at one time used his best friend as a cover. Of course, it didn't last long, because it was pretty clear as day that Deidara was gay.

"I got pregnant with Kankuro during my first year of high school. It was odd. Sasori was never an intimate boyfriend. The guy rarely wanted to hold my hand or even hug me. God forbid if he ever gave me a kiss." Karura shook her head with a sigh, "He brought the conversation of sex up randomly one night. Said that all the other guys had done it by now. He apparently had been lying to them, saying that he wasn't a virgin, but the guys didn't believe him. I told him that it didn't have to be a lie. That I wanted to have sex with him.

"He was really caught off guard," the woman laughed. "I guess he didn't expect me to actually want to do it, but I loved him and I wanted to do whatever to make him happy. He actually agreed. I suppose if he had denied it that night I would've caught on to his secret. We didn't use any condoms and I remember it hurting quite a bit. It was pretty awkward, since he didn't really _touch_ me, but again, I thought nothing of it."

Deidara shudder at the mental image of Sasori having sex with a female. An underage female at that. Bad daddy! Deidara would definitely have to give the older man a scolding later. Although, Sasori would probably scold Deidara just as well - the blond had lost his virginity around Karura's age and to a much older guy too…

"Okey, so," the blond started slowly. "So Sasori got you pregnant, despite being clearly gay, and decided to marry you, un. You then went on to have two more children?"

Karura pursed her lips, "Yes. It seemed like a fairytale, we were a perfect family. I should've known though. I… I did know. I just didn't want to believe it." She frowned, "He always had these magazines hidden in his office. Magazines that a straight man wouldn't even glance at. When I finally asked him about them, he told me that it was just some kind of prank mail and that the guys at work kept sending it to him. If that was true why didn't he just throw them away?" She sighed, "I never saw them after that… but I also wasn't ever allowed in his office since then."

Deidara gave a small nod. Sasori didn't really like Deidara being in his office, but that was probably because he distracted the older man. Roleplay in Sasori's office always led to a mess - papers and pens scattered across the room.

"Then there was those weird emails. They were never too intimate, but they weren't that innocent either. He said they were from his coworker, which I'd like to assume is true. Sometimes I think back and wish he had told me the truth, then maybe I wouldn't feel this way. Then again, sometimes I wish he had never came out that way we could still be together and a happy family." Karura cracked a smile - a sad smile. "I miss him. I miss cooking dinner, the kids running around. Him coming home, kissing me on the cheek as he'd throw the mail on the counter. We'd sit at the table, have a good meal and talk about our day. Once the kids were tucked in bed, we'd go to our room and we would just lay in bed. He'd put on his glasses-"

"And read the next chapter of whatever book he's on."

Karura looked at the blond, her smile slowly fading. "Yeah. I could be begging him to turn off the light and go to sleep, but he'd always say _Just one more chapter_."

Deidara laughed a little, "He still does that. Actually, sometimes he'll keep reading until he falls asleep."

"Hm… He used to read to the kids. He still do that?"

"Just Gaara. The other two really don't care for it," Deidara shrugged. "I don't see why though. His voice is so soothing. I love when he reads to me, un."

Karura raised an eyebrow. "He reads to you?"

Deidara flushed, "Uh, sometimes. I like to hear his voice." He felt a bit bad, seeing the hurt flash across Karura's eyes. "A-Anyway," he tried, "why do you talk about Sasori like he's dead? When you talk about him, it just sounds so sorrowful."

"In some ways, he is dead to me."

Ouch. Wow, was that brutal. Deidara frowned.

The woman shrugged lightly. "Sasori, when he was my husband, was a different man. He's never been an open book. Only intimate and open when he wanted to be. Seeing him with you…" she swallowed, "he seems so different. Relaxed and… carefree. He makes the first move to touch you. I wish I could have had that. I wish he would've loved me as much as he loves you."

Deidara's lips parted in surprise, rendered speechless. Before him was the same woman who had shut him down many times, outright admitted that she didn't like him, and blamed him for her ex-husband's sexuality. This was the woman who was now teary-eyed before him. He could tell she was trying to hold it in. While he did feel sorta bad, he knew that there was nothing he could do.

She cleared his throat and stood, throwing her money down to pay for the coffee. "That's all." Karura moved out of the booth and quickly scurried out of the shop.

The blond jumped up from his seat and followed her out the shop. He easily caught up to her. "H-Hey, wait!" he called out to the woman, unlocking her car. "Sasori loves you. Maybe not in the same way as you love him, or how you want him to… but he does care about you, un. Sure he's a dick sometimes, but you're family and family is the most important thing to him. I truly believe he cares for you, un."

Karura smiled sadly again. "I wish I could believe that."

Deidara watched as the woman got in her car and drive off. It seemed she had made up her mind about how things were. The blond chewed the inside of his cheek. It seemed that Karura was more hurt than she let on. She really did love Sasori…

The thought of losing Sasori himself always sent Deidara in a panic. He could understand how devastated she must feel. If he lost Sasori…

"Sir, you need to come back in and pay for your drink."

Deidara turned sharply on his heels. "Ah! Sorry!" He flushed, rushing inside.

The blond was definitely going to have to talk to Sasori about this later. Even if Karura and Sasori are divorced, Deidara believed that they should have a good mutual relationship. It was better for everybody if they could all get along.


End file.
